Saturday, September 22, 2012

My worst fear was almost a reality...

This is a vent blog entry from January of this year.  Sharing...
Recently, working my last nerve is my mother delaying surgery to remove a mass on her thyroid.  Update on that, the surgery is still scheduled although she postponed it from 1/3 to 1/9 because she has too much to do to be at the hospital to check in at 6:30am and wants a 10am slot or later.  I predict her walking out if the doctor runs behind... To be continued...  I guess 6 more days is not a big deal after 2-3 years of avoidance of this thing.  And NO, I am not going home.

Anyway-on to my reason for posting...

I called her the evening of Christmas Day which is her birthday as well, to wish her a Merry Xmas and Happy Birthday.  She received my cards, and our conversation was normal for us.  A little background... I took the geographical solution after high school, and since moving out of state in 1999 have only been home 2 times, and to the same town maybe 3 times.  Our contact is now limited to phone for my self preservation.  Anyway, I hear this loud pounding noise and she whispers, "Did you hear that?!  What is that?!". Like I know!  

Long story short, it is her neighbors trying to kick her front door in since the next door neighbor's house is on fire and vehicle gas tanks are exploding, ammunition is going off, and her grass is on fire.  Now, no mowing for months, no raking, and her fence is locked, double storms over the windows, the water hose is shut off from inside, and she disconnected the doorbell because it scares the cats, 11 nearly feral cats inside, and the front door is completely blocked off, goat paths only and stuff piled at least waist high to ceiling high EVERYWHERE.  The neighbors are stomping fire in the yard, throwing stuff on her roof to put out burning leaves and desperately trying to get her attention/get her out.

She opens the side door and sees the neighbors house, and I can hear her reaction, and she finally tells me what is happening.  I tell her to call 9-1-1 NOW NOW NOW! and to turn on the water hose, and I hang up.  She lives in a rural appalachia, no fire hydrants, dirt road, etc.  the closest fire stations are 4 miles and 7 miles respectively.  The Cliff's Notes on the situation, the folks next door had just sat down to holiday dinner when the homeowner heard something, opened the garage door, and saw fire.  He got his wife, two daughters, and three grandkids out.  Barefoot, no purses wallets, lost all vehicles, including those in the driveway... And the house is a total loss.  Burnt flat.  Several houses nearby have fire/heat damage, and the grass in my mother's yard is burned within 10 feet of her house.  She has siding and roof damage, but her roof was already trashed from hail a few months ago.  That she is delaying repairing.  In the 2 days since... This is where my angst comes in...

1-It has become all about HER and her INCONVENIENCE of it all, and her fear and drama

2-She is obsessing on it yet does not acknowledge the level of danger that was incurred by her HOARDING and paranoia

3-Is now firmly ensconced in the museum of petty grudges as she and the neighbors who lost their home have not spoken for nearly 40 years (and guess who initiated THAT???)

I have posted on my FB about it, and when I find out who is collecting for them I plan to send a donation and post that too since many of my FB friends are in that area.  

My HP is against this and has:
-pointed out they don't speak and it was their fault
-criticized their child rearing
-criticized the woman's decision to be a stay at home mom
-criticized the woman's pride in her yard
-criticized the woman's choice to color her hair at 60 something years old
-pointedly stated that they did not contribute to the flower collection for my father when he passed in 1989 (she nastily, and in the most ugly way ever, REFUSED IT anyway!)

The list goes on and on. I informed her that none of that matters, and they could be the worst people ever, but they LOST EVERYTHING, and I am doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do.  Now in every conversation, I can almost hear her mind working, trying to figure out how to control my donating cash to them.

My heart breaks for this family.  They raised their kids and are helping raise their grandchildren.  Just nice folks.

Narcissism sucks.  Hoarding sucks.  And I am flatly just sick of it.

One humorous thing... In the dark sick sense of humor I have ... 

Yesterday she said how terrified that the fire would flare again (it poured rain all day) and when I pointed that out to her she said, "Yeah, but the roots of grass can catch on fire and it can burn underground and spread and this can happen for a long time afterward!  Weeks or months sometimes!".  I had to get off the phone before I laughed audibly and made things worse.  Ai yi YI!!!!!

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