So the drama with my hoarding mother's health continues. At least according to her self report, which can be difficult to sift through to determine what is accurate, what is fact based, and what is not.
She has been complaining of ear pain and discharge. In gross and terrifying detail. She has seen one doctor over 10 times since February, and has seen 3 other doctors in that time as well. She went to a new doctor, a specialist, out of town. (This is after her rigidity caused her to miss a referral to a prestigious teaching hospital two hours away.)
Long story short (saving you the drama, trauma, and craziness inflicted by her manufactured hardships and inflexible world view) she has mold in her ear. A lot of it. She does take a medication for lupus that suppresses her immune system so she is more vulnerable to any infection, and living in a stage 5 hoard makes this a guaranteed issue.
She has been going on and on, speculating where and how she could have come in contact with a mold spore. Of course, it could not been her home! She has been coughing and hacking a lot, and keeps complaining that it happens now even when she has not been outside.
Um... No mystery here. It is the hoard. Her accommodation to the filth, dust, and other things that go parcel and packet with a hoard, even a 'dry hoard' is starting to leave her very medically vulnerable. And her mental illness and her refusal to treat it will make a bad situation, untenable. I can only imagine what she is telling the doctors to explain it, and I hope that they (the medical personnel) are not that naive...
This will not end well. Whether it is today, this week, or two years from now. Hoarding... No one wins. No one.
Amazing how they can NOT see what they are stepping around and over.
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful Independence Day!
Denial is complete. It never ceases to amaze me. Had a wonderful holiday, spent a good portion of it at the beach. Hope yours was great!
DeleteThe holiday was lovely, thank you! Glad yours was as well. I spent some time on the beach with sand, sun, and lots of good food and shopping. It was a great weekend!
DeleteI am really interested in the connection you've made between hoarding and narcissism. I also have a level 4 or 5 hoarding parent and have recently come to believe that most of her destructive behaviour, of which the extreme hoarding is only part, is rooted in covert narcissism. I wondered if your observations were personal/anecodotal or if you'd also encountered any related research along the way.
ReplyDeleteGreetings Snark!
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading! The narcissism connection has been researched by Dr. Suzanne Chabaud and her team, and her data continues to be published as her work continues. I have to say I made the connection between NPD and Hoarding personally since I work in human services and have worked in mental health and the addiction related fields for years. That, compounded by over twenty years in working in victim services and seeing first hand trauma, the misuse of power and control, etc. really solidified my connection. I really would like to see research and evaluation bear this out.
I am sorry that you too are dealing with this. Hope my experiences are helpful!
-Lisabeth
Thanks so much Lisabeth. I will definitely continue to follow the blog. I've started one on the wordpress platform too, from the narcissism angle, though I'm sure I'll wind around to the hoarding tangentially. Lovely when we have a pot pourri of dysfunction, any of which might rate their own blog! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for continuing to read! I like the 'pot pourri of dysfunction' term. I am just sad that there are so many of us that understand that metaphor, and that it resonates... But being what it is, we make the best of it! I was really shocked when I discovered hoarding had a name, and a context, that how closely the addictive behaviors and the personality disorders align with it. Hang in here, you have support here!
ReplyDelete-Lisabeth