Humor that does not include my mother...

So... Been way too serious... Time for a brief bit of levity...

So, as you know I moved SOUTH.  I have mostly enchanted by the lizards, frogs, and what-not down here.  I am not anymore.  Remind me to tell you about my baboons-in-South-Africa story sometime...

Anyway, I stopped for gas on my way to work, and I did not take the time to shut the sunroof.  I got gas, admiring the pretty little lizards with yellow heads and orange tails.  You see where this going don't you?  They frolicked about, and some were quite large, 5-6 inches or so. I finished gassing up and went on my way.

I caught movement out my corner of my eye, and I looked, nothing.  I thought I saw something again, but saw nothing.  Now, I have recently had a stroke and TIAs, so I dismissed it as my brain playing tricks on me.

A lizard landed on the console and began hissing at me.  I  decided FUCK THAT NOISE I AM OUT!  I put the SUV in Park and bailed out.  In rush hour traffic in a congested area...  

So, I am contemplating what to do, and turning the SUV and it's requisite payment over to Mr. Lizard looks good when a gentleman stops to help.  He opens the door and the lizard jumps on him and he freaks and shuts the door, the lizard still inside.  He tries again and screams at me to open the passenger door... NO WAY THAT THING IS COMING OUT AT ME!  I refuse.  He releases the hatch, and the lizard gets going while the getting's good.  I thank the gentleman profusely, and get back in and continue my commute. I did
pull over and look through my SUV to ensure the lizard did not have a companion... 

I hit Starbucks for a drink even though I was late for work.

I later learned those lizards are invasive and BITE.  Oh, and  they hiss.  But I already had figured that out.

LIZARDS SUCK.