FTMOAH- from the mouth of a hoarder...

So it's been much too long since I've captured the inaneness of from the mouth of a hoarder.
----------------------------
She seldom asks me how I'm doing, and those readers that remember I have terminal brain cancer so things are up-and-down and I'm on maintenance chemotherapy.
---------------------------
"Do you have any moles?   No?   Well I just think that you would have got some when what happened to you..."

"Someone pried the garage door and broke it just so it was destroyed. I took nearly an hour to fix it, but I swear I will break their hands..."

"There is somebody in my house at the same time that I am here. Just to let me know that they can..."

"I know that stuff has been messed with and removed just to spite me and then it is replaced with junk.  My air-conditioner was replaced with the junk unit...

Hoarding, no one wins...

One step forward one step back

Sorry it's been so long since I last updated you.   Quite bluntly, I have been going from hell and back.   Long story short, I have had four seizures  at separate time periods when I attempted to decrease and transition off the steroid as requested by my oncologist. Frequent and varying hospitalizations have resulted and I did a stint in rehab because of my injuries.

 I am home now, I left rehab a day and a half early.   The nursing staff was simply untenable. The therapists were awesome, they were top notch.

I received notice that my SSDI was approved. That is such a relief that I will not have to fight for it. I have another resource that I will access also and it's a five-year resource.   I have income...

How is my mother doing? She is going out every day despite the virus.   She doesn't miss a beat in talking about herself, and just is in her narcissistic splendor.   She is arguing with the Life Alert provider and also an alarm company. She is also vexed by Verizon not being open.

She calls me daily now, often several times a day.

Hoarding, nobody wins...

They capitulated...

The former employer has apparently blinked. Giving me everything I requested...  So the non-disparagement clause is in effect...

Onward and upward....

And the answer is....

So, for you first time readers, or readers that have not caught up, I am having a health crisis, and despite my negotiation of a severance package being active, my former employer has chosen to dis-enroll me as of Monday without informing me, I learned of it Tuesday afternoon from another provider...

Continued cruelty, but I have come to expect no mercy.

So I informed my mother who hoards...

And she used it to launch into a rant about herself...

Yeah.  Really.

I cannot even...

Wow, I just am gobsmacked at the utter disregard my previous employer displayed by terminating my healthcare coverage and not notifying me.  I learned of it three hours or so ago from a related provider.

I have turned everything in to my attorney's hands.  I suspect we may to sue... Damn it...

Now...

My hoarding mother is going completely 'flip her shit'...

Any bets what's going be her response?

Hoarding... No one wins...

Some days it is utter waste of make up.... Not that I wear any right now...

I have had a crappy several days...  

How crappy?

I have had my self-determination taken by a male Uber driver and mansplained and initially refused to the proper direction until I bailed out in an empty parking lot.  Under  threat of having the police called on me I grudgingly re-entered the car because I was crying hysterically, he had my phone, and I had an intervening person, a medical worker that noticed my plight.  Suffice it say, I am the complaint process with Uber and he had the gonads to ask for tip and a good rating at the doctor's window ....  NNNNOOOOOOO.  No f-ing way...

I was nearly 45 minutes late to my appointment and although I was seen, I missed my Doctor and I couldn't have any labs completed because I such an escalated hot mess...  

Then my former employer, with confirming with me first had left my office belongings outside my door to my home.  

Also began a period of decline that I some what expected but not the depth of the episodes.  I fell, I could not get off the toilet on three separate occasions, yada yada yada...

I have a nursing care place arriving to a private arrangement for the weekend... So that is taken of, I hope!

Now- my hoarding mother...
Expressed incredulity, outright disbelief, and then a 'the sky is falling' panic... Then she resumed talking about her cats, the theft of her metal from her garage, etc.  Then she said some physical complaints and callously connected to mine.

Yeah- right...  Hoarding, no one wins.  No one.  Thanks for reading!

Oh dear....

So, long story shortened...

I was in the ER this morning, and I arrived home a half an hour before my Aide was due to arrive.

So I napped, took my 11am call with my attorney, got Grubhub, and crashed until the second Aide knocked.

Now, I called my Hoarding mother to inform her.  And got a whole lot of crazy to be quite ableist...  Solutions that did not make sense, lecturing... Questions that she simply did not listen to...

I am going to have to resume her under the low contact plan for my own sanity and emotional health.

Wish me luck....

Hoarding... No one wins.  No one.

Thanks for reading...

An update, and a challenge

So, I have a little back story to update you on...

It was quite a shock, and I will confess I was in a fair amount of denial...  The timeline was as follows:

-moved South 7/20/2019

-had a what I now know to be a severe seizure masquerading as a stroke while out for run on 7/27

-I had enough presence of mind to sit down on the ground and call out to a guy backing his truck in I was having a stroke 

-EMTs were there in under three minutes and transported me to the hospital which I spent 3 days and posted an amazing turn around and was released with no restriction 

-I went to work on my first day - 7/31

-Despite being told I was to follow up with a Cardiologist and a Neurologist, my Neurologist had to return to Thailand to take care of final matters regarding the death of his father 

-10/2I received my follow up appointment and realized something may be off, MRI scheduled and completed 

- 10/23 my PCP, Neurologist and others were looking for me... And terrifyingly I had started to deteriorate and had seizures...

-10/25 I went in and learned what they feared; referred to surgeon 11/14 with surgery scheduled for first thing 11/22

- I had only a 20% chance of survival

-I spent 4 days in ICU then was directly transferred to Rehab where I spent 8 days-graduated 2 days early ...  My tumor turned out to be malignant 

-My board has been most unsupportive and despite my return to work after they flatly denied my request for accommodation.  

I was terminated on this week and all I was told that the Board has lost confidence in me and I was perp-walked out by one my former staff and Uber’d home, and now my attorney and I have entered into negotiations re: paying what is clearly in my employment contract... There is likely a gag order/non 

disclosure agreement...

So now I get to once again decide what I want to be when I grow up, but I want to complete my Certified Fundraising Certified Exam that I have neglected to study for, I now have nothing standing the of regaining my health unobstructed by an employment situation that turned to be untenable.

And my Hoarding mother?  She tried to be supportive, before her basic narcissism kicked in and resumed in talking about herself... I reminded yesterday evening that although I was deemed terminally ill, I did not have an expiration date I planned to fight like hell and live powerfully.

The question is what I am going learn from this, rather than a pity party and questioning why...