FTMOAH:-)

Wow.  I dropped off the map for a bit.  Nothing new, just really cool things happening at work.  Presented at a conference earlier this week, at another one getting trained to be an expert witness for my state that ends tomorrow.

So- I think it has been far too serious in here for a bit too long.  So... it is time for another installment of ...FROM THE MOUTH OF A HOARDER!

So- here we go.  And there have been a LOT of them.

"Do you drink the Adkins diet drink?"

No.  I do not do anything that is artificially sweetened.

"Oh, well I ... [prattles on in painful detail about this six pack of this drink that she bought after her thyroid surgery a year or two ago, and yadda, yadda]...  Do you think the women's shelter would want it?"

A six pack of almost expired, 2 year old drink?  NO.  Throw it away.

"But it was EXPENSIVE!  It was almost $6 at Walmart!"

Oh dear GODS!  It is not a puppy.  Toss it.  You have already spent over a half hour talking about this stuff.  I think your time and my time exceeded $6.

"...[Talking about the neighbor FINALLY getting turned in for neglecting a horse.  Let goats eat its tail hair and mane off for the past 10 years, have never had the hooves seen about, etc.] And she was complaining and I think she was fishing to see if I did it..."

Seriously?  Not everyone that mentions something has an ulterior motive.  

"Where can I get a nanny cam?"

What?

"A nanny cam!  I saw them on TV.  I want them to put outside on the porch, in the garage, etc. since no one will come out here and install security cameras other than those things you can see!  Did you know you can have a camera hidden in a clock and ..."

Seriously mother?  I am very aware.  These are not new inventions, and remember that I train in anti-violence and safety planning, and technology as a method of surveillance/stalking.

"Well.  Anyway this camera is so little...

A little background for this one.  I was in her car the first week of May.  Immediately got sick.  Thought I was almost over it, then had some 'issues'.  Long story not as long, I had a bladder/ureter infection that appears to be systemic.  And the doctor believes it stems from my contact with her.  I did mention that I was picking up an antibiotic and why.  She would not let me finish to even tell her the deal.  She immediately started talking about her HORRIBLE kidney pain, and blah, blah, blah.  She goes to the doctor allegedly, and gets a narrow range antibiotic.  

"What did you take?"

Huh?

"What did you take from the doctor?"

Oh.  Cipro I think...

"Why did they give you that?  You can take that?  I am not able to take that!  It put me in ER!  I..."

[Intentionally cutting her off] Because I am NOT YOU.

"Do you want some more?"

Some more what?

"CIPRO!  I have some from last year... "

No.

"Why not? You would have it on hand and would not have to pay for it!" 

Because I do not need it, and both medicines together with my insurance was under $5.  

"Well.  <sniffs>  Must be nice to have insurance."

It is.

"Well.  All I know is that I have to be good for everything because I have been on such a HIGH DOSE for so LONG and ..."

Um.  No.  

"Why not?"

Where do I start?  One- old drug at a dosage you were taking 35 years ago.  Your doctors give you antibiotics each visit it seems, so you are most likely resistant, or your germs are, and plus it is not a broad spectrum drug.

"Oh.  I guess.  Well anyway, I do not see how I could be sick since I am taking such a MASSIVE dose of ..."

SMH

Her new hoarding monologues consist of the following themes:

• The hated neighbor and obsessing over how she can find out if his driver's license is still suspended
• The neighbors across the street and the fact they have few visitors since their 20 year son moved out
• The other neighbors and the fact they have scrap metal in their yard for pick up... 'It's so TRASHY!'
• The empty lot next door is for sale, so obsessing about that and why it took so long
• Talking about a neighbor whose husband died 6 years ago and still lives in the large house and has 2 cars... and since the woman is thin and has had basal cell cancer she has decided she is terminal
• Obsessing on the number of folks who have died on the street in the past umpteen years
• Obsessing on the stray cats, the vermin like possums, the horse, the hated neighbor's dog, the hawks, and the like
• Woodticks, woodticks, woodticks... apparently falling out of the sky on her
• Bugs in general
• Everything is such a trial, a tribulation, or such a big damn deal... you would think that the normal ADLs that we all do are the sentence of Sisyphus
• The psychic thing again... apparently she thought of someone and they are now dead

See a theme here?  And each day, the crazy gets worse.  Much worse.  

In less than 6 days I depart to NOLA on vacation.  I hope to check in before then, but if not... 

Peace:-)  

And YES, I realize I am a
hopeless smart aleck.  Ahem.