It is that time... It is time for... FROM THE MOUTH OF A HOARDER!

Been a bit serious here in the blog for a bit.  It is time for another installment of FTMOAH!
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"Does your cats get a 'crust' in the corner of their eyes?... [Goes into graphic description of the eye hockey of one of the cats and her crazy method of removing it]..."

No.

"Not at all?  Well, 3 of mine do, and I cannot figure out why.  They are not sick, not running a temperature, but ...[description of eye gunk and the effervescent sneezing of one of the cats]... I cannot figure out why.  I think it is the furnace running.  That has to be it..."

My furnace runs, and my cats do not have that.  Do you think it might be the dust, mold spores, etc. from all the piles of stuff?

<Changes subject>
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"...[Fat shaming one of her cats]... then again, one of your cats is pretty fat too..."

Not anymore.  Has not been since her strokes in 2008 and her brush with death/septic blood infection in 2010.  She weighs 8 lbs now.

"EIGHT POUNDS?  How old is she?  17?  Oh, Lisabeth, she is going to DIE SOON!  Don't make the mistake I made with ... [veers into the bad end of one of her cats that she had live until almost 22 years old]..."

Gotta go.  Not having this conversation.
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"...[Fat shaming a young woman she saw at Walmart earlier that day]... she had to be 3 feet wide and when she turned sideways, she was that thick at least... <clucking tongue> that is TERRIBLE..."

Change the subject, please.

"Why?  All I am saying is..."

Oh, I am very clear on what you are saying.  I have heard that particular refrain my entire life.  STOP fat shaming and commenting on people's weight, appearance, aging process, or disability to me please.  You do remember that I once was morbidly obese and weight continues to be an up and down struggle?  Not listening to this anymore.  Now can we talk about something else?  No?  Okay- bye then. <Click>   

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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I had a recruiter contact me about a position that is available in Hawaii.  Just to give her something else to obsess on rather than the normal  5 or 6 subjects, I mentioned it.  And I was correct, she is stewing in her own juices about it.  

"What would you do with your cats if you move to Hawaii?"

They would go with me.

"How?  They would DIE.  They would never survive that trip in an airplane."

It is 19 hour flight with stops, and so I would drive ...

"...[Cutting me off] You cannot DRIVE to HAWAII!  You CANNOT DRIVE OVER WATER! ..."

Um... if you would let me finish.  Depending on if I got a relocation package, (if I did, I would ship my belongings and car from the East Coast) if not or a smaller one, I would rent a truck and tow the car, and the cats and I would drive it to a port in CA.  It would be rough, but I could do it in 3-4 days, then ship the truck contents and my car over...

"Yes, your car... You just had to have that car... what will you do with it?"

Ship it over as well.  But, I need to look at the job and the specs they sent, see if the income will be sufficient for the higher cost of living, and what relocation would be involved.  It is NOT a different country.  HI is part of the US.  The cats will be fine.

"No.  They will not.  They. Will. Die."

Gotta go!  <Click>   
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The cat stuff is another attempt to get under my skin.  She knows I am simply nuts about my cats, that they are my furry family.  She is constantly inferring that I am a poor pet parent since my one cat passed due to brain cancer at age 13, and my other kitty due to kidney issues at age 12 or 13 (turns out she was much older than the rescue reported, which does not matter to me either way).  My eldest kitty is almost 17, and the younger one is almost 10.  My eldest has had significant health issues her entire life.  Kidney issues, strokes, seizure disorder, slight spine injury at birth, and arthritis.  She is thin and is losing her hearing, but is on my lap playing with the tie on my blouse as I type this, purring her little heart out.  My other kitty is asleep on the bed behind me, and she has a serious heart murmur and osteo arthritis from the broken bones (abuse) she had as a kitten- but is my little comedian and acrobat.  They are pampered and loved.   If this does not get her anywhere, she will try to find another way to get under my skin.  Good luck with that.

The last call with her she kept asking about what different folks jobs or pensions pay.  Each time I simply told her I did not know, if she was that curious, ask the person.  Each time that elicited sputtering and demurrals.  I am keeping her on the 2-3 calls a week plan.  It keeps me sane, and the days where I do not talk to her are so much less stressful.    

Ahhh.  Hoarding.  No one wins.  No one.  Enjoy your week!