The disjointed natterings of hoardy-speak...

I should be going to bed, but work is crazy and full of impossible deadlines, as is my personal life right now.  Preparing for a fiscal agent monitoring, multiple grant deadlines, meetings, many responsibilities from Boards I sit on (including cooking a fundraiser from 11:30am to 10pm tomorrow) and running a 5 mile race on Saturday morning.  

But... what I am thinking about?  The crazy that traveled via satellite and via technology out the speakers of my Bluetooth enabled car.

In a 20 minute call she:

1. Wanted to know how to measure herself for one of those 'sports bra things' to wear around the house to be loose.  The woman seldom wears a bra now, and when she crosses her arms, there is a nipple peeking from under each elbow.  YOU ARE WELCOME!  She also proceeded to tell me that for such small wrists, she has such a large chest!  Why, if you measure her at her rib care the difference between that measurement and the fullest part of her bust is nearly 7 inches!  HUGE!  ...NOT...  She has no understanding of types of sports bras, their purpose, XS, S, M, L, XL sizing, and how to dress or fit her body since she intentionally wears her clothing about 6 sizes too loose.
2. Asked about a 'no-no thing' which is some sort of hair removal device.  She attempted to get started on the hair on her lip and the hair on her breasts discussion, and I shut that down.
3. Tried to discuss her bowel issues and how eating yogurt has helped... Shut that down too.
4. Asked many invasive questions about friends, income speculation of her neighbors, health issues, and was shut down.
5. She started ruminating on her estranged sister and despite seeing the physical abuse her sister suffered at the hands of her violent and abusive ex husband, she asserted that she does not believe any of it, that her sister brought it on herself.  I really hit the roof, and told her that I was not having that discussion, change the subject.  For readers that do not know, I work in the anti-interpersonal violence field, and she grew up in domestic violence, and married it a time or two, so she should know it when she sees it.  Just vile.
6. She wants a sensor light with an infrared camera that has a motion alarm that is klaxon loud.  Uh huh.
7. She is torturing all the local landscaping vendors trying to get estimates on her overgrown, hoarded yard.
8. I mentioned I was leaving a dinner engagement with a friend and we shared a bottle of wine.  She immediately began freaking out that I would get pulled over, go to jail, lose my job...  When I advised her it was two pours over 2 1/2 hours with lots of food, she retorted that she knows nothing about booze and boozing.  Yep.  That is me.  The boozer...  Ugh.

That was just a small sampling.  Some of the things made me dry retch as I was driving.  Some of it just was so paranoid, and so worst case scenario and scorched earth reactive that all I could do was just drive in silence.  She has few if any boundaries, and she has very few subjects that she discusses, most are repetitive, unsavory, TMI, pick-your-descriptor. 

I have said it before, and I say it again.  This is not going to end well.  And when I told her that I did not want to discuss her perception of her sister's singular (evil according to her) nature and her lack of ability to see anyone outside her own frame of perception, she changed the subject eagerly.  

I suspect I have just given her the next topic to sharpen to attempt to get under my skin.  I strongly recommend that she resist that urge, as this will not go the way she sees it... I guarantee that.  

Have a great night everyone.  Thanks for reading.