It is one of those deals where you laugh and find humor in the situation or you may start screaming and not be able to stop...
Last weekend parts of the eastern United States had significant snowfall. Facebook in all its irreverence hyped it to be Snowzilla and other such simpering titles.
We had lots of notice, and is my hoarding mother's custom, she has a problem for every solution, and cannot get out of her own way to get most any mundane thing done.
She kept saying she needed to go to the pharmacy for her meds, her cat's meds (who has glaucoma and heart issues) and groceries/sundries.
Guess what she did? If you guessed NOTHING... you would be correct. She did nothing. And now she is 'stuck'.
She refuses to ask her one neighbor to pick up her prescriptions 'because they won't let you do that!' She refuses to ask her for a ride and won't really state why, instead ruminating on a neighbor who is in the hospital and how she had asked her to help her... um... she is in the freaking HOSPITAL!
She is still pontificating on the recently paved sections of the road... And saying really nutty things like depersonalizing the neighbor by calling him 'the asshole' and making fun of him for removing the snow from the paved portion of the road, railing they they blew the snow from the snow blower against her fence and she was TRAPPED IN HER YARD! She said, "I wish someone would lock him in his house without a phone and..." before I cut her off.
They got about 17 inches, which is significant. The other piece that is amusing, we got over 3 feet in our area. And it is not a contest. But... it is amazing to hear her go on and on about how horrible it is and yadda, yadda, yadda. Um... it is what it is. We will be inconvenienced for a while. And it is not the 'snow oppression Olympics' but she will ask a question always prefaced with "Up there" and when I remind her that yes, whatever happened here too since we got over 36 inches she will peevishly say thing like "well the news said [her state] got hit the hardest!" No, it did not. Or things like "parts of [her state] got over 40 inches!" Yeah. In the bedroom communities near DC. She just cannot acknowledge that things were tough here as well, and we are all dealing as best we can, and each place has unique challenges. Someone else's experience does not diminish one's own... unless you are so unable to see anyone as having individual experiences and they only exist as supporting actors in your own Lifetime Network drama/movie.
I just have to laugh. And because I am evil, I have to poke her with it once in a while. The mental acrobatics are something to watch.
And each conversation she is complaining she does not have food, medicine, etc. I do not offer any solutions as she shoots everything down. Yesterday she was going to try to get the car out, and decided not to because there was 'activity' at the hated neighbor's house in the turn. Translation, he was home and she does want him to see her leave because she accuses him of stealing, breaking in her house and loosening lightbulbs, stealing her notes to herself, and even putting snake poop in her basement.
You cannot make this stuff up.
Have a great weekend! Thank you for reading...
Showing posts with label Winter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Winter. Show all posts
Friday, January 29, 2016
Sunday, March 2, 2014
I have no words to name this one...
For those of you of you who regularly read, (and I thank you!) my blogs are documenting my hoarding mother's continued slide into paranoia and abject misery.
Two most recent points to note:
Her absolute conviction that a neighbor is stalking her, has been in her house, steals from her daily, and has had her in a rifle scope (she states she saw the laser sight beam following her).
Her absolute refusal to be part of her own solution. For anything.
To the first point, she has now purchased multiple driveway alarms. Click here to see the Harbor Freight description of the alarm. They are cheap and battery operated. She has had one in her kitchen for many, many months to alert her if the cats get up on the sink. <Ahem> She is now obsessing and determining strategic locations to place them, and is considering buying a video baby monitor to monitor the garage. She already has an intercom system to the garage that is on listen mode all the time. She has gotten huffy that when she starts this trajectory of monologue I either ask her to discuss something else, ask her if she has done any of the safety planning/stalking protocol things we have discussed (one example can be viewed here), or I end the call.
The first segueing into the second point... Her refusal to be part of the solution. The natal point of this blog was a Derecho that hit her area hard in late June/early July of 2012. She was without power for many days, and through her decisions, she made a truly difficult situation horrific. You can read that blog entry, 'The Derecho and the Elderly Hoarder', here.) I had attempted to send her a generator and attempted to problem solve with her, both at the time, and after. She is not having it. I worked to develop a safety plan with her after she was bitten by one of her cats and required emergency hospitalization and surgery. No go there, either. That happened in July of 2010. For nearly 4 years (and LONGER) I have attempted to work with her on contingency/emergency preparedness, safety planning. And this type of strategy? It is the basis of the past 25 years of my career. So I do know just a small bit about it. But, unless it comes from Dr. Oz, Oprah, or a Wonderful Stranger in a doctor's office waiting room or shopping at Walmart, it carries no weight with her.
So... After an extremely busy and personally stressful week, I was dropped off by two friends, and was awaiting the arrival of two others to go to dinner and shopping. My text message indicator sounds, and it is my hoarding mother's neighbor, the one I have contact with and who tries to check in on her from time to time. She was going to call my mother to ask if she needed something from Lowes, and wanted me to call her and talk her into allowing her to purchase a generator for her to have, as another major winter storm is bearing down and was to arrive today with massive icing and snow accumulations. Her neighbor expressed several frustrations:
I told the neighbor I appreciated her efforts, and this was a lost cause. She agreed. Although she gets and supports my staying away, I got a good helping of the Appalachian expectation to fix this for my mother.
I cannot fix it. Mother is the only one that can... and she refuses. She did not ask for the trauma in her life, the abuse. She did not ask for the severe mental illness she is locked into. Where I hold her accountable is her refusal to do ANYTHING to help herself, and the impact her behavior has on others... and the impact it had on me... an innocent child who did not 'ask' for what I got growing up, and still do not 'ask' for what I get now. <Sigh> But I realize that I cannot do it for her, and the only person I can help/change is myself. My one success is I shall never put a child through the utter hell I experienced growing up, and the wrenching mess that I am still involved in as an adult because I choose to maintain a relationship with her, honestly, for my own safety. If I totally estranged, her harassment, her stalking, and her propensity for physical violence/harm and scorched-earth revenge would be unequalled for me and all those close to me. All from a tiny, frail looking 78 (?) year old woman that walks with a cane...
Hoarding. No one wins. NO ONE.
Thank you for reading.
Two most recent points to note:
Her absolute conviction that a neighbor is stalking her, has been in her house, steals from her daily, and has had her in a rifle scope (she states she saw the laser sight beam following her).
Her absolute refusal to be part of her own solution. For anything.
To the first point, she has now purchased multiple driveway alarms. Click here to see the Harbor Freight description of the alarm. They are cheap and battery operated. She has had one in her kitchen for many, many months to alert her if the cats get up on the sink. <Ahem> She is now obsessing and determining strategic locations to place them, and is considering buying a video baby monitor to monitor the garage. She already has an intercom system to the garage that is on listen mode all the time. She has gotten huffy that when she starts this trajectory of monologue I either ask her to discuss something else, ask her if she has done any of the safety planning/stalking protocol things we have discussed (one example can be viewed here), or I end the call.
The first segueing into the second point... Her refusal to be part of the solution. The natal point of this blog was a Derecho that hit her area hard in late June/early July of 2012. She was without power for many days, and through her decisions, she made a truly difficult situation horrific. You can read that blog entry, 'The Derecho and the Elderly Hoarder', here.) I had attempted to send her a generator and attempted to problem solve with her, both at the time, and after. She is not having it. I worked to develop a safety plan with her after she was bitten by one of her cats and required emergency hospitalization and surgery. No go there, either. That happened in July of 2010. For nearly 4 years (and LONGER) I have attempted to work with her on contingency/emergency preparedness, safety planning. And this type of strategy? It is the basis of the past 25 years of my career. So I do know just a small bit about it. But, unless it comes from Dr. Oz, Oprah, or a Wonderful Stranger in a doctor's office waiting room or shopping at Walmart, it carries no weight with her.
So... After an extremely busy and personally stressful week, I was dropped off by two friends, and was awaiting the arrival of two others to go to dinner and shopping. My text message indicator sounds, and it is my hoarding mother's neighbor, the one I have contact with and who tries to check in on her from time to time. She was going to call my mother to ask if she needed something from Lowes, and wanted me to call her and talk her into allowing her to purchase a generator for her to have, as another major winter storm is bearing down and was to arrive today with massive icing and snow accumulations. Her neighbor expressed several frustrations:
- That my hoarding mother keeps her cell phone number such a zealous secret from EVERYONE. I am actually surprised she gave it to me. It does little good to have it, as she never has it turned on.
- She refuses to take common sense and reasonable preparation steps to ensure that she is not in a crisis if something unexpected happens. And it is not a money thing, she is very, very secure and has the funds.
- She refuses to listen to anyone, but is furious if people do not treat her advice as gospel.
- She will not let anyone do anything for her, then is angry that no one helps her. She honestly expects people to know what she wants, when she wants it, and how she wants it without being told. And what she wants is often CRAZY.
I told the neighbor I appreciated her efforts, and this was a lost cause. She agreed. Although she gets and supports my staying away, I got a good helping of the Appalachian expectation to fix this for my mother.
I cannot fix it. Mother is the only one that can... and she refuses. She did not ask for the trauma in her life, the abuse. She did not ask for the severe mental illness she is locked into. Where I hold her accountable is her refusal to do ANYTHING to help herself, and the impact her behavior has on others... and the impact it had on me... an innocent child who did not 'ask' for what I got growing up, and still do not 'ask' for what I get now. <Sigh> But I realize that I cannot do it for her, and the only person I can help/change is myself. My one success is I shall never put a child through the utter hell I experienced growing up, and the wrenching mess that I am still involved in as an adult because I choose to maintain a relationship with her, honestly, for my own safety. If I totally estranged, her harassment, her stalking, and her propensity for physical violence/harm and scorched-earth revenge would be unequalled for me and all those close to me. All from a tiny, frail looking 78 (?) year old woman that walks with a cane...
Hoarding. No one wins. NO ONE.
Thank you for reading.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
A bit of levity. A very small bit...
It is in the low teens here in the northeast United States. Wind chills are bringing the ambient temperatures down to near zero.
I spoke with my mother briefly. She exclaimed, "They say were are getting snow on Friday! That is UNREAL! It is too cold to snow!"
Wait- WHAT?
"It is too cold to snow! Everyone knows that!"
Um. Explain to me how it snows in the Arctic.
"[Mumbles incoherently]Ah... there is not enough moisture in the air.."
That is interesting when meteorologists tend to agree that there is nowhere on this planet that is too cold to snow.
[Abruptly changing subject]"Is it true that all doctors are going to ask if you have a gun at any medical visit? I heard that from two different people!"
Who?
"It does not matter."
Uh huh. Stop listening to idiots, and stop watching [a certain channel] News please.
So- I attempted to take a moment to explain to her how this rumor came about and that it is totally bogus. http://www.snopes.com/politics/guns/medicare.asp
She was not convinced.
The final gem for today was...
"How much do you think 'Opey' makes in retirement? He was a cop, he was in the military, and he worked somewhere else. He is 85 and has oldtimers! His wife does not work, but they are always are short on money..."
[Cutting her off] Mom, it is none of anyone's business what their income is, how they spend their money, etc.
"I KNOW that Lisabeth!" <Pouty sigh> "So a cop's retirement should be pretty good right? And they have Medicare and his VA benefits..."
I am not having this conversation. WHO CARES?
<dial tone>
Wow. Yeah. I am weaning her back to once a week calls before I lose what little common sense and compassion I may possess.
So- I have to ask... is it too cold to snow where you are? <grin>
I spoke with my mother briefly. She exclaimed, "They say were are getting snow on Friday! That is UNREAL! It is too cold to snow!"
Wait- WHAT?
"It is too cold to snow! Everyone knows that!"
Um. Explain to me how it snows in the Arctic.
"[Mumbles incoherently]Ah... there is not enough moisture in the air.."
That is interesting when meteorologists tend to agree that there is nowhere on this planet that is too cold to snow.
[Abruptly changing subject]"Is it true that all doctors are going to ask if you have a gun at any medical visit? I heard that from two different people!"
Who?
"It does not matter."
Uh huh. Stop listening to idiots, and stop watching [a certain channel] News please.
So- I attempted to take a moment to explain to her how this rumor came about and that it is totally bogus. http://www.snopes.com/politics/guns/medicare.asp
She was not convinced.
The final gem for today was...
"How much do you think 'Opey' makes in retirement? He was a cop, he was in the military, and he worked somewhere else. He is 85 and has oldtimers! His wife does not work, but they are always are short on money..."
[Cutting her off] Mom, it is none of anyone's business what their income is, how they spend their money, etc.
"I KNOW that Lisabeth!" <Pouty sigh> "So a cop's retirement should be pretty good right? And they have Medicare and his VA benefits..."
I am not having this conversation. WHO CARES?
<dial tone>
Wow. Yeah. I am weaning her back to once a week calls before I lose what little common sense and compassion I may possess.
So- I have to ask... is it too cold to snow where you are? <grin>
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)