Monday, July 11, 2016

Hearts can break... Not hoarding related

Last night my 12 year old kitty who had the grand mal seizure this Saturday was unsettled and we did not sleep, she just snuggled and wanted petted.  We finally feel asleep around 4am, and at 7am the neuro who she was referred to called and I needed to get her to their clinic in the next state by 9:30am.  I made it happen, and my little one was NOT happy.  At the neuro they discovered her BP was elevated above the frenzy she works herself into when travelling to the vet, confirmed her heart murmur, and discovered that her pupils were not dilated at an even level and thought she might have some sight issues.  

His suggestion was that she could have a brain infection (unlikely, her platelets were low, but white blood cell counts and temp was normal) or have thrown a clot from her heart, had a stroke, or had a tumor.  He presented a plan for $5,000 in testing that included sedation (risky for her at 12 with a heart issue) and included a spinal tap.  I needed a moment to figure out whether to use a credit card, apply for credit, or figure out another option, and I called my vet who recommended coming to her.  I paid my bill, and they gave me antibiotics, and I left.  

When I arrived, the doctor had reviewed the information from the emergency vet this weekend and the neuro, and we discussed options.  It is very unlikely it was an infection with no fever, and the likelihood it was a tumor or heart issue was high, and the fact that she was showing neurological symptoms was not good.  The likelihood of her having another horrible seizure was not an if, but a when.  And most likely would be soon.  And what if I was at work, out of town, or in the hospital having my surgery?  She discussed how the seizures would most likely be worse and could be excruciatingly painful, and paralysis could result, or other horrible things.  Her recommendation was euthanasia.  She is very reluctant to move in the direction normally, so I knew... I said goodbye to her and she went cuddled in my arms.

Now my other kitty and I start a life without her.  I miss her so much.  She was my love bug, and my special sweetheart.  We did not have as long as I would have liked, but in the 10 1/2 short years we had, we loved multiple lifetimes.  I have to hold on that, and when the time is right, I will honor her memory with adopting another special needs kitty.  I owe her that much.

Hearts can break.  I felt mine rip on Saturday during her seizure, and it shattered today at 12:30pm when she left my life.

She was the best.  And I will miss her every day.  I do not know what I did to deserve her and her love.

7 comments:

  1. Oh, Lisabeth, you are enduring more than your fair share of suffering. I'm so sorry. Please know that there are other COHs out here who support you. There is a Corrie ten Boom quote that I've always found comforting, "There is no pit so deep, that God's love is not deeper still". Hang in there, I'm pulling for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so sorry to hear about your love bug. I'm glad you could be there with her. I had to put my love bug dog down earlier this year. I came back from vacation to find that she had a cancer that affected her spleen, which could have ruptured at any time. It meant everything that I could be there at the end with her. Take care. and God Bless.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thinking about you--have you had your surgeries yet? Sending healing thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I, too, have been wondering how you are. Hope you are doing well.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lisbeth , I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope that you can check in with us soon, and I join Karin and Valerie in sending you the very best wishes for your health.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you Karin, Valerie and Malady. Valerie, so sorry for the loss of your precious little one. It is so hard to do the last kind act we can, but I was so glad I could be there with her. I will be uploading an update soon... hopefully today. I am doing well, and I am still on the diagnostic trail. This has not been an easy process, but I am feeling much better and more hopeful about my treatment with the new teaching hospital. Thank you for all your concern!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks for the update. Glad to know you are feeling better!

    ReplyDelete