Wednesday, September 2, 2015

OMG... From the Mouth of a Hoarder (FTMOAH)

She has been on a roll the past few days.  From starting needless arguments at Kmart to harassing poor folks at doctor's practices and drive throughs... Her reign of terror continues.  It is time for... FTMOAH!

"I found an old starter pistol that must have belonged to your father.  It still has the price tag on it.  Do you know any schools I could donate it to?"

For what?

"For gym class or races.  They use starter pistols, right?  I guess I could donate it, but I hate to see some kid..."

You know that fires blanks, right?  And blanks are not toys, folks can die from a point blank shot from a blank (no pun intended).

"Sputtering... but I do not want it... Should I take it to the library?"  (Pronounced Li-BERRY)

For what?

"So they can tell me what it is worth..."
Later in the day, phone call from my hoarding mother... 

"I am glad I did not call the police station, the firing range or any of that - it is worth some PENNIES!"


"It is worth $75!!!"

Oh brother.
"Do you have problems with hair on your lip?"

No.  We are not discussing this for the 200,459th time.  

"Well, I ..."

<Dial tone>

"My legs are just so dry.  If I run my hands down them it looks like it is snowing, white flakes go EVERYWHERE!"

GAG.  <Silent violent retching>

"He has been in the house!  ..."

I asked if she kept a stalking journal (which I know she has not because she has said so in earlier conversations)...

"Yes!  That is how I know he has been in the house!  It was on the dishwasher... [dramatic pause] And now it is GONE!"

Shared I exceeded my goal of running over 1,000 miles in a year.

"[In morose voice]... You need to watch that... Your dad died because of his heart, and all that exertion..."

<Primal scream>

Just a few recent gems.  One of these days I am going to face palm so badly that I will wreck my car.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Well... THIS is not going to end well.

I am making a prediction, and I do not need any gift of prognostication or psychic ability.  I predict things are NOT going to end well.  As you know, this is not the first time I have made this prediction.

This weekend my hoarding mother's backyard neighbor was passing through my area with her significant other, and they stopped to have dinner with me.  This has been a lovely couple of weeks, as I had a high school friend stop by a couple of weeks ago with her family and now this friend.  Although I no longer consider where I grew up as 'home', it is nice to connect with those who have known you for years, if not most of your life.  I have been totally removed from that since I moved to the state in which I reside 16 1/2 years ago.

I heard more stories about my hoarding mother and her behavior.  I will spare you most of them, although my high school friend asked if my mother was dating anyone, and stated she has been in the local Walmart (in which my friend works) and she seemed sure that my mother seemed awfully 'cozy' with a particular gentleman.  Okay... may the odds be ever in his favor if that is the case!  But the fodder for this entry is apparently my hoarding mother is calling the police on the neighbors as a form of harassment and giving false addresses (like her neighbor that visited me) so she must have a 'burner phone'.  She also is shooting her gun in the air when she perceives there to be 'prowlers'.  In a suburban area.  She has tried to get the neighbor to shoot her gun in a similar manner, which she has refused.  

Bullets that go up, must come down.  I encouraged the neighbor to call the police when she hears gunfire, and I am at a loss at what to do.  She is a menace.  

Monday I called her to check in after 3 or 4 blissful days on no contact, and she ramped up on a discussion and stated that she thought they should bring back hanging people on the town square or burning them at the stake 'like they used to" and I got off the phone quickly after disagreeing and attempting to shut that nastiness down.  She constantly states things like "I could just watch someone beat [that person] to death and do nothing" or "I would like to see someone chop that lying ... pick your vile adjectives to depersonalize someone... [body part or body parts- usually tongue, hands, genitals, etc.] off" and I quickly shut it down.  

She has a concealed carry.  Someone gave this person a concealed carry permit for a firearm.  Any interaction she has lately is fraught with conflict and petty misunderstandings that explode into a full fledged confrontation.

And the hail damage that happened last March?  She still does not have the roof fixed on her house or on the garage.  And there has been lots of rain.  Bet that is lovely in a stage 5 hoarded home.

She continues to escalate, and deteriorate.  And she has not fallen far enough to get anything done despite herself.

Hoarding.  No one wins.  No one.