Monday, December 11, 2017

My patience is wearing thin, my resilience thinner...

I am exhausted today. Lost a colleague and mentor who I thought very highly of yesterday, and my NM's narc sister (who is also a hoarder) has been calling and I have been ignoring her calls. She has not called for over a year (I think), and the day she called was the day I learned a friend in my circle of friends died unexpectedly, someone I had went out with as friends a couple of times (this was last week). As many know, I am on call all the time, and was sloppy in picking up the phone this one time, and she got me. She asked 'how are things with you?' and I replied 'been better, what can I help you with?' and that was the last thing I said until goodbye.

She is having a psychotic break again, and just returned from her 6th 302 (involuntary commitment). In this call, she informed me: She was attacked by my narc sister (who is also a hoarder- see a pattern here?) and her arms have had the tendons ripped from the bones but she has used things she learned in PT in the past to get them back, and she can barely hold a tea cup despite telling a story she had to wait holding over $200 in groceries for a cab to come because 'he' wrecked her car and tried to kill her and the DMV marked it as unsafe and has a salvage title. She has never said who 'he' is. She had been accusing a neighbor's son of playing music in her house and car before, and then suddenly was in love with him- I assume this is the person. She now says she has a more restrictive thing than a PFA that is forever (nothing like that exists in her state), that he was looking in her hospital window when she was committed and snatching cell phone connections from the air to transmit messages she can only hear, but now the hospital heard them too, and that she got a BB gun at Walmart and the guy at the counter told her how to shoot so the person would bleed to death. She claims to have boarded up her house, now has two dogs, and is threatening to 'kill him' if he comes in her house. She claims he is talking about how nasty her vagina is, and has turned people against her. She claims to now be paraplegic and that my 1/2 narc sister attacked her using a military move. She then said she is going to lose her house, etc. She then switched to how she has not seen me in a long time, and sort of asked me for money and/or to come stay with me.


I have blocked her number. I cannot take this level of craziness. She is just as dysfunctional as my mother, and she did nothing to protect her daughter from her pedophile father. Something she and my 1/2 sister have in common, not protecting their children from sexual predators, then disowning their kids when their trauma histories impact their choices as adults. I did make a wellness call to APS in her state without giving my information. This is not going to end well.

Work is extremely stressful, and as folks may remember I have had major surgery in mid August, and am on the cusp of figuring out what will most likely be a chronic, autoimmune and autonomic disorder. Someone close to me has attempted suicide and I am trying to provide support while he untangles that and the legal charges he is now facing because of that attempt, and I am just feeling like much of my resilience is being sucked out of me, and my NM is SSDD, and is escalating in her paranoia and nastiness, and she is on the extreme LC plan with me.

Thank goodness for my sweet kitties. I am just feeling really frustrated, have tons of medical bills, and the holidays are coming and I still have not shopped for my family of choice... My friends. I am hoping that 2018 is a better year for us all.

Hoarding, and the co-occurring mental illness. No one wins. Thanks for reading, and have a good week.