Sunday, February 18, 2018

And I went to ground again. Some lessons I must learn over and over...

Thank you for those who checked in via comments, emails, and the like.  It has been a busy two months, and I do what I normally do when life turns up the heat.  I 'go to ground' to mix analogies.  

I am not sure where to start.  I guess with a personal update, then onward to stuff with my hoarding mother.  Long story short, I had a long email and phone conversation with my new specialist after the disastrous appointment in December.  I felt she really heard me, and she scheduled more testing.  The medicine prescribed was AWFUL, and caused a headache within an hour of taking it, and it lasted two to four hours, then I would take the pill again.  I felt really rough.  I had my tests, and one was so invasive and so foul that they intentionally do not tell patients what it entails until you get there.  I also learned that I am still extremely claustrophobic.  I had a major freak out in an MRI, and managed to get through the test through sheer force of will alone.  My latest appointment with the specialist was a week and half ago, and she took me off the awful med with the horrid side effects (including headache and weight gain) and she has referred me to another specialist/surgeon, for physical therapy and biofeedback, and to specialized clinics and the genetics clinic.  I will not be seeing this doctor again as she has gone as far as she can, it is now up to the other specialists.  I feel so much better sans GI medication, and I am increasing my mileage slowly to get into my training groove.  

Now- from my hoarding mother.  Some areas of the northeast have had significant rainfall, snow, spring-like temperatures, and snow... Lather, rinse repeat.  Due to this, her area has HEAVY flooding.  She called today to ask why I thought water was coming up through the floor in her basement.  Apparently she called a home improvement store first and got angry when they were not helpful.  I advised her it was due to the flooding and melting, and she had a fatalistic attitude about it 'why should I even bother' when I told her she would need to toss anything that the water came into contact with.  She also stated that the hated neighbor in the turn has broken into the garage and taken the fusebox and the electrical panel.  I asked how anything electrical like lights or the garage door is opening.  She changed the subject.

She has been on a paranoid tear lately.  She tortured the Sheriff's Department in her area wanting to talk to the Sheriff, and finally settled to the Lieutenant.  She was angry and cursing him, stating he was condescending and did not believe her.  She blew up at me because she determined I had a different car because 'it sounded different'.  I had an SUV from the dealership (actually, the sales manager's $100K SUV that is self driving, etc.) because I hit some furniture after dark on the highway and did a significant amount of damage to my car, some covered by insurance.  She was furious I had not said anything about the accident to her, and she kept demanding to know how it happened.  Later, when they had to keep my car a few days longer since they found additional damage, she was giving unsolicited advice and opinions and then started saying things like 'is that why they gave you that SUV?  They have so many things wrong with their cars? ' and similar crap.  Um... NO, the SUV was a favor since their loaners were all out and they were trying to save me a rental fee and the car did not break- I CRASHED IT!  Her sense of entitlement to preferential treatment is astounding.   I was grateful, she was angry they did not do more or lie to the insurance company about a motor mount they had to replace while in there.  My car is back, and is good as new.  

She has been excessively horrible.  Smugly criticizing the neighbors for their wet basements and stating 'she has never had a problem' which is not true. but in the 50 years it has happened maybe twice, and then happened today.  She criticized a neighbor stating 'her pets do not last very long' and touting her pet's longevity, and then she suddenly lost one at 8 years old with a spinal stroke.  She continues to talk about horrible skin and body issues, and she lost more teeth, and only has nine in her head now, and may lose two more soon.  She also contracted C-Diff, and she has no sense of TMI.  C-Diff in a hoarding, 81 year woman is going to be hard to get rid of.  I could fill pages with the ableist, classist, racist, heteronormative and cisnormative crap she spews.  She absolutely exhausts me.

I have been limiting contact, and doing a lot of 'grey rock' with her.  Not that I would tell her, and not that she asks, but I have my own stuff to deal with, and life is not a bed of roses right now.  Work is busy, challenging, wonderful yet ROUGH, and I work 12 to 16 hours day Monday through Friday, and work all day Saturday and part of the day Sunday.  

I have my new treadmill in my bedroom, so that gives me some additional ability to train when my schedule is tight.  I am so grateful to the friends who got it and brought it to me.

I have much to be grateful for.  Even challenges often have a flip side.  If life knocks me down 10 times, I will get up 11.  I learned much from my hoarding mother, and I developed a sense of resilience I might not otherwise had.  With that being said, I have to repeat... Hoarding, no one wins.  No one.  Have a great week everyone!