Wednesday, September 2, 2015

OMG... From the Mouth of a Hoarder (FTMOAH)

She has been on a roll the past few days.  From starting needless arguments at Kmart to harassing poor folks at doctor's practices and drive throughs... Her reign of terror continues.  It is time for... FTMOAH!

"I found an old starter pistol that must have belonged to your father.  It still has the price tag on it.  Do you know any schools I could donate it to?"

For what?

"For gym class or races.  They use starter pistols, right?  I guess I could donate it, but I hate to see some kid..."

You know that fires blanks, right?  And blanks are not toys, folks can die from a point blank shot from a blank (no pun intended).

"Sputtering... but I do not want it... Should I take it to the library?"  (Pronounced Li-BERRY)

For what?

"So they can tell me what it is worth..."
Later in the day, phone call from my hoarding mother... 

"I am glad I did not call the police station, the firing range or any of that - it is worth some PENNIES!"


"It is worth $75!!!"

Oh brother.
"Do you have problems with hair on your lip?"

No.  We are not discussing this for the 200,459th time.  

"Well, I ..."

<Dial tone>

"My legs are just so dry.  If I run my hands down them it looks like it is snowing, white flakes go EVERYWHERE!"

GAG.  <Silent violent retching>

"He has been in the house!  ..."

I asked if she kept a stalking journal (which I know she has not because she has said so in earlier conversations)...

"Yes!  That is how I know he has been in the house!  It was on the dishwasher... [dramatic pause] And now it is GONE!"

Shared I exceeded my goal of running over 1,000 miles in a year.

"[In morose voice]... You need to watch that... Your dad died because of his heart, and all that exertion..."

<Primal scream>

Just a few recent gems.  One of these days I am going to face palm so badly that I will wreck my car.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Well... THIS is not going to end well.

I am making a prediction, and I do not need any gift of prognostication or psychic ability.  I predict things are NOT going to end well.  As you know, this is not the first time I have made this prediction.

This weekend my hoarding mother's backyard neighbor was passing through my area with her significant other, and they stopped to have dinner with me.  This has been a lovely couple of weeks, as I had a high school friend stop by a couple of weeks ago with her family and now this friend.  Although I no longer consider where I grew up as 'home', it is nice to connect with those who have known you for years, if not most of your life.  I have been totally removed from that since I moved to the state in which I reside 16 1/2 years ago.

I heard more stories about my hoarding mother and her behavior.  I will spare you most of them, although my high school friend asked if my mother was dating anyone, and stated she has been in the local Walmart (in which my friend works) and she seemed sure that my mother seemed awfully 'cozy' with a particular gentleman.  Okay... may the odds be ever in his favor if that is the case!  But the fodder for this entry is apparently my hoarding mother is calling the police on the neighbors as a form of harassment and giving false addresses (like her neighbor that visited me) so she must have a 'burner phone'.  She also is shooting her gun in the air when she perceives there to be 'prowlers'.  In a suburban area.  She has tried to get the neighbor to shoot her gun in a similar manner, which she has refused.  

Bullets that go up, must come down.  I encouraged the neighbor to call the police when she hears gunfire, and I am at a loss at what to do.  She is a menace.  

Monday I called her to check in after 3 or 4 blissful days on no contact, and she ramped up on a discussion and stated that she thought they should bring back hanging people on the town square or burning them at the stake 'like they used to" and I got off the phone quickly after disagreeing and attempting to shut that nastiness down.  She constantly states things like "I could just watch someone beat [that person] to death and do nothing" or "I would like to see someone chop that lying ... pick your vile adjectives to depersonalize someone... [body part or body parts- usually tongue, hands, genitals, etc.] off" and I quickly shut it down.  

She has a concealed carry.  Someone gave this person a concealed carry permit for a firearm.  Any interaction she has lately is fraught with conflict and petty misunderstandings that explode into a full fledged confrontation.

And the hail damage that happened last March?  She still does not have the roof fixed on her house or on the garage.  And there has been lots of rain.  Bet that is lovely in a stage 5 hoarded home.

She continues to escalate, and deteriorate.  And she has not fallen far enough to get anything done despite herself.

Hoarding.  No one wins.  No one.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Life is good. My mother still hoards. This may be as good as it gets...

Sorry I dropped off the face of the earth for a small bit.  I have to say the death of my sweet, elderly kitty hit me really, really hard.  And I did what I do normally when I am in pain.  I put my head down, affix the blinders, and push through.

I miss her every day.  Her memory sometimes makes me cry, sometimes makes me laugh.  I had the opportunity to rescue an older kitty who, quite bluntly, is a handful, and I did so in her honor.  It cannot bring my gray girl back, but I can help another kitty, and keep the 11 year old from being too lonely.  Things have went really well, and although they can be a bit growly, hissy, or slappy from time to time, they are adjusting well.  I am hopeful they will be playmates, if not friends before long.  We shall see.  

I have continued running, and I am close to completing the goal of running over 1,000 miles in a year.  I am not sure if the full marathon is happening this fall or next spring, but I have to realize that sometimes life, work, and other gets in the way, and it is not all or nothing.  I can adjust.  That is life.  

I have done a couple of things for myself I would not normally do.  I replaced my 8 year old MacBook Air with a brand new MacBook Pro.  It was time, and it was much needed.  I also booked a cruise with my best friend and his wife.  In less than three months I will be cruising in the Caribbean and enjoying myself.  I will, for the first time in nearly 9 years, take a true vacation and disconnect totally.

What does any of this have to with hoarding?  Nothing.  And everything.  My hoarding mother continues her litany of complaints, her rumination, her speculation, her denial, her paranoia, and her inability to see anything in any frame of reference other than worst case scenario.  I have realized the impact her narcissism and mental illness have had on her, and on me growing up.  She was horrified that I bought a new computer.  She intoned darkly that I was going to be taking a cruise in hurricane season, and started going on about an expose' she saw on cruise liners.  I shut her down each time.  Not asking for approval, for permission, for forgiveness.  I am 46, and I will do what I feel I need to do for my well being and my comfort.  

And 9 years is too damn long to go since my last vacation.  That will NOT happen again.  I will not let it.  I refuse to live life as opportunity lost.  And when she starts to engage in her hoard-speak, speculating on people's income, fat or appearance shaming folks, talking about hair on her lip, moles, her bowel habits... I just end the call.  "Oops!  I am here.  Gotta go."

I remain very low contact.  And I remain relatively disengaged.  At the point of the 'final and only' clean out, I may come in.  Or I may not.  What will make that decision?  Whatever is healthiest and works for me.  No compromises.  Not anymore.

Thank you for reading!  Hopefully more humor to come...

One FTMOAH (from the mouth of a hoarder) moment... I was zoning out and came back to earth just in time to hear, "Do you have nipples?  I don't!  I just have pinkish brown disks!  They were always pulled in though..."

GAH!  I nearly drove my car into a guardrail while freaking out silently!  MENTAL PICTURES!  MENTAL PICTURES!  She is nearly 80.

I will leave you with that.  I should not be the only person to 'enjoy'.

Hoarding... no one wins.  No one.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

A blog that resonated.... Sharing...   

Does it always have to be all about her, all the time? The answer is YES.

Sorry for dropping off the map a bit again.  Hard to believe that it was nearly 6 weeks ago since my last post.  

I will get right to it... A little over a week ago, I lost my sweet kitty who was 18 years old.  The one I fell in love with the moment I saw her at my best friend's home when she was almost 3 years old, and the one he gave to me at 5 years old.  We have had quite the good run of it, she and I.  Her mind, spirit, feistiness and unwavering love for me never changed.  Her poor little body just started to fail.  And she fell.  Badly.  It happened suddenly, and I had to take her to the emergency vet, and in the end it was awful, but I did the best I could for her, and the last kind act I could.  And I miss her every minute of every day.

I was to present at a local university that afternoon, and I did what I had to and got through it.  I did not call my hoarding mother until later in the evening, because I would not be able to keep the professional mask firmly on, and I had several meetings/events that day.  I had not talked to her since the week before, so I called her.  

I get the normal peevish 'I hadn't heard from you' routine, and I told her my sweet girl was gone.  She immediately started a monologue about all the animals she has had that passed, started speculating about what happened to my cat, and then trumpeted, "Well, at least you did not have THREE leave in the same week... How do you think that feels?!?"

Um... NOT ABOUT YOU.  NOT ABOUT ME.  This is there here and now, and is about my sweet, gray girl.  I was absolutely furious, and got off the phone quickly.  I have not talked to her much in the week since, and if she starts ruminating on past pets and especially their deaths, I get off the phone immediately.  I cannot stand it.

Her neighbor saw my post on social media and called to check on me, and was FURIOUS that my mother did not tell her that this happened when she spoke to her that day.  I got a lot of empathy from her, and from my other friends- for me, for my gray girl, and the kitty left behind who is lost.  It has been hard, but we are muddling through.

Now - I hope I am not making an ill advised decision because I am grieving. I have the opportunity to rescue an older cat (mid teens) that is a couple hours away that is in a rescue, saved from a high kill shelter after her owner died.  Apparently she has been there for months, and although she can be sweet, she has a quick nip response and has a pretty larger than life personality.  I still am unsure, but she needs a loving home.  I can give her that, and she would be company for my youngest cat, who at age 11, has never been alone (save a couple of days in 2010 when my gray kitty was hospitalized).  I am going to do it, and I hope it is not too soon, or a mistake.  I can never replace my special girl, but I can forge a new relationship, and help a kitty in need.  That little I can do.

This weekend I go to meet her for the first time, and she will come home with me if everything works out, and she likes me.  I did mention her to my hoarding mother.  I should know better, because she immediately fixated on the cost of rescuing this cat from a couple states away, the age... immediate worst case scenario.

I do not care if she approves or disapproves.  This is also not about her, but about the fluffy bicolor cat that has had a series of traumas over the past year, and I think I can provide the quiet, stable home she needs, for however long she is here.  

My hoarding mother has said a lot of really obnoxious things (even for her) lately on a variety of her normal topics, and it is more of the same.  But this event just really, again, reinforces why I am low contact and I do not visit, do not ... well, you all know.

Thank you for reading.  Hoarding, no one wins.  NO ONE.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Oh dear... Mold in her ear...

So the drama with my hoarding mother's health continues.  At least according to her self report, which can be difficult to sift through to determine what is accurate, what is fact based, and what is not.

She has been complaining of ear pain and discharge.  In gross and terrifying detail.  She has seen one doctor over 10 times since February, and has seen 3 other doctors in that time as well.  She went to a new doctor, a specialist, out of town.  (This is after her rigidity caused her to miss a referral to a prestigious teaching hospital two hours away.)

Long story short (saving you the drama, trauma, and craziness inflicted by her manufactured hardships and inflexible world view) she has mold in her ear.  A lot of it.  She does take a medication for lupus that suppresses her immune system so she is more vulnerable to any infection, and living in a stage 5 hoard makes this a guaranteed issue.  

She has been going on and on, speculating where and how she could have come in contact with a mold spore.  Of course, it could not been her home!  She has been coughing and hacking a lot, and keeps complaining that it happens now even when she has not been outside.

Um... No mystery here.  It is the hoard.  Her accommodation to the filth, dust, and other things that go parcel and packet with a hoard, even a 'dry hoard' is starting to leave her very medically vulnerable.  And her mental illness and her refusal to treat it will make a bad situation, untenable.  I can only imagine what she is telling the doctors to explain it, and I hope that they (the medical personnel) are not that naive...

This will not end well.  Whether it is today, this week, or two years from now.  Hoarding... No one wins.  No one.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Not your normal post- Skydiving!

This is not necessarily hoarding related, but thought I would share!

I did it.  Today I jumped out of an airplane.  And it was all I hoped it would be and more.  I had so much fun, it was such a rush, and I want to do it again soon.

I did not share that I was doing this with my hoarding mother, however I am certain that she will know at some point since her neighbor and the 'Flying Monkey/Wonderful Stranger' Chiropractor are on my social networking site and most likely saw the many photos and other things posted today.

She will be PISSED.  And I simply do not care.  At 46 years old I do not need, nor do I require, her permission or approval.  She will be angry that I did this and 'kept it from her'.  She will be angry that should could not verbally vomit her negativity, fear, and threatening worldview prior to it.  She will be upset that it was such a lovely day with friends, and that nothing she can do can change it.  And that is all her stuff, none of it is mine.

I stepped way outside my comfort zone today.  I am really not a fan of heights, and small planes.  I do not surrender dominion of myself easily.  And today I did all of it.  And it was fun!  (And no 'oopses'...)

I will continue to live life at full volume, very unlike my hoarding mother who considers life as 'opportunity lost'.  She is making a choice, as am I.  I choose happiness, experiences, relationships... I think I know what is important.

Hope you had a great weekend.  Thank you for reading!