Monday, October 1, 2012

Another Compilation of Awkward Quotes... alternate title... You cannot fix batshit crazy part deux...

Things have been too serious...

Here are a few more phone call quotes for you.  Sorry in advance for the TMI.  
...After a long, bizarre and tiresomely stereotypical description of some white woman's bubble butt that she saw at Walmart...

"I have never seen and American's butt look like that..."

Whoa.  Wait.  What?  As compared to whom?

"You know... a black person!"

<home alone SCREAM>
"Let me ask you a question... and I want an answer and none of your smart ass comments..."

Oh brother (as I am speeding along a 6 lane highway in heavy traffic drinking my iced chai latte)...

"Do you shave your cooter?"  (This is her new word for 'down there').

Wait.  WHAT?????  Why?  Why would you ask that?  

"I saw a show, The View I think it was, that some lady said that most people under the age of 35 do not have public hair..."

Interrupting her as I wipe iced chai latte off of my windshield and gauge cluster... WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS DISCUSSION!  CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!!!  

"Well- let me tell you what I do... I take the scissors and lay them sidewa..."


"Stop screaming!  I asked you a simple question!"

<dial tone>

Dear god... I hope no one called 9-1-1 as I almost bounced my car off the jersey barriers...

I have a group of folks that I text to when I have these sort of conversations.  That is a gift, and a curse.  I have a couple of wiseacres that will randomly text me and ask about my personal hygiene practices.  At the most inopportune times.  


  1. Just so you know, there is another JUST LIKE YOURS in Edwardsville, IL.

  2. Lisa- it is nice to know that someone out there understands the situation, but I am sorry that you are living this too.