So, for you first time readers, or readers that have not caught up, I am having a health crisis, and despite my negotiation of a severance package being active, my former employer has chosen to dis-enroll me as of Monday without informing me, I learned of it Tuesday afternoon from another provider...
Continued cruelty, but I have come to expect no mercy.
So I informed my mother who hoards...
And she used it to launch into a rant about herself...
Yeah. Really.
Showing posts with label Narcissistic Mothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Narcissistic Mothers. Show all posts
Thursday, February 13, 2020
Saturday, February 8, 2020
Some days it is utter waste of make up.... Not that I wear any right now...
I have had a crappy several days...
How crappy?
I have had my self-determination taken by a male Uber driver and mansplained and initially refused to the proper direction until I bailed out in an empty parking lot. Under threat of having the police called on me I grudgingly re-entered the car because I was crying hysterically, he had my phone, and I had an intervening person, a medical worker that noticed my plight. Suffice it say, I am the complaint process with Uber and he had the gonads to ask for tip and a good rating at the doctor's window .... NNNNOOOOOOO. No f-ing way...
I was nearly 45 minutes late to my appointment and although I was seen, I missed my Doctor and I couldn't have any labs completed because I such an escalated hot mess...
Then my former employer, with confirming with me first had left my office belongings outside my door to my home.
Also began a period of decline that I some what expected but not the depth of the episodes. I fell, I could not get off the toilet on three separate occasions, yada yada yada...
I have a nursing care place arriving to a private arrangement for the weekend... So that is taken of, I hope!
Now- my hoarding mother...
Expressed incredulity, outright disbelief, and then a 'the sky is falling' panic... Then she resumed talking about her cats, the theft of her metal from her garage, etc. Then she said some physical complaints and callously connected to mine.
Yeah- right... Hoarding, no one wins. No one. Thanks for reading!
How crappy?
I have had my self-determination taken by a male Uber driver and mansplained and initially refused to the proper direction until I bailed out in an empty parking lot. Under threat of having the police called on me I grudgingly re-entered the car because I was crying hysterically, he had my phone, and I had an intervening person, a medical worker that noticed my plight. Suffice it say, I am the complaint process with Uber and he had the gonads to ask for tip and a good rating at the doctor's window .... NNNNOOOOOOO. No f-ing way...
I was nearly 45 minutes late to my appointment and although I was seen, I missed my Doctor and I couldn't have any labs completed because I such an escalated hot mess...
Then my former employer, with confirming with me first had left my office belongings outside my door to my home.
Also began a period of decline that I some what expected but not the depth of the episodes. I fell, I could not get off the toilet on three separate occasions, yada yada yada...
I have a nursing care place arriving to a private arrangement for the weekend... So that is taken of, I hope!
Now- my hoarding mother...
Expressed incredulity, outright disbelief, and then a 'the sky is falling' panic... Then she resumed talking about her cats, the theft of her metal from her garage, etc. Then she said some physical complaints and callously connected to mine.
Yeah- right... Hoarding, no one wins. No one. Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, August 7, 2019
Oh my...
What a whirlwind it has been!
Since I last updated you all I have...
Since I last updated you all I have...
- Learned of the horrific closing of my former agency.
- Lost my health insurance due to the closing...
- Got an offer for the job I wanted.
- Quit the survival job.
- Planned and executed over 1,000 mile move while driving two cats.
- Had a stroke.
- Began my job.
Yeah. You read that correctly. I was out for a run near my home the 27th when I had a stroke. The EMTs came and I never want to experience anything so painful and terrifying. When I could communicate, the right side of my body was numb and and I could not move it.
Three days later I left to hospital, a friend flew back less than a week later to care for me. I am so grateful to the good friends I have ... I miss them terribly.
I am getting better every day. I had a clot and also some lesions. It is probably due to the health condition I have, and I most likely will have to for additional testing, like a brain biopsy.
I did not tell my hoarding mother. She would start banging the funeral gong for me. I cannot stand it...
Hoarding... No one wins.
Friday, April 26, 2019
Why do I even try? Part Two
Continued from Part One...
So... I went to a play the night of the disastrous conversation in regards to potentially giving my hoarding mother my car. I hung up rather abruptly when arrived, and when I left the Theatre I decided to call back to finish the 'conversation'. I am low contact, but I knew this would fester into drama if I allowed it to fester.
It was nearly 10:30pm, and she stays up late, but she allowed to call to go to voicemail. I left a message, and that was that. Or so I thought.
I was having trouble sleeping, and I was playing around on social media when my mother's neighbor posted and asked if I was awake, and when I indicated was, she said she could not call but would text. It was around 2am.
My mother had called the neighbor (the one she said would not help her anymore) and got her out of bed at 12:30am. Allegedly my mother was choking on a piece of cooked broccoli and wanted to go to the emergency department and did not want to call an ambulance. My mother's neighbor took her, and she said my mother could not speak when she pulled up and took her in. She had normal BP and vitals, and an Xray showed nothing. She was annoyed that they were not going to go down her throat and 'get it' and when they asked the standard advance directive/DNR question she said "You will need to call my daughter" and went into high drama. The neighbor quickly interjected that there was no need to call me, it was a routine question. She stated that my mother seemed disappointed that more heroic measures were not necessary and they were not going to call me. By this point my mother is speaking more normally, and the neighbor said she would call me in the morning.
At 10am the neighbor called me. She was with my mother until 3:45am, and she had to get up at 7am for work. She took her home after the doctor (in frustration, most likely, since she refused to cough hard because she would 'aspirate into her lungs') had her drink a soda and rise up onto her tiptoes and rock back to her heels. Miraculously it worked on the second try. The neighbor was trying not to laugh, as she saw it for what it was, a 'GTFO of my ER' maneuver. I explained that I knew something was going to happen, and my conversation. She asked me to call after I had talked to my mother. I waited until 6pm, and since she had not called, I called her. She recounted the events of the evening, ignoring my questions and making it much more dramatic in the retelling.
The next day I called the neighbor and verified the veracity of my mother's version. It was exaggerated on several counts and at least one detail was fabricated. A few days later the neighbor has not called her. She may have burnt that bridge.
Hoarding. No one wins.
So... I went to a play the night of the disastrous conversation in regards to potentially giving my hoarding mother my car. I hung up rather abruptly when arrived, and when I left the Theatre I decided to call back to finish the 'conversation'. I am low contact, but I knew this would fester into drama if I allowed it to fester.
It was nearly 10:30pm, and she stays up late, but she allowed to call to go to voicemail. I left a message, and that was that. Or so I thought.
I was having trouble sleeping, and I was playing around on social media when my mother's neighbor posted and asked if I was awake, and when I indicated was, she said she could not call but would text. It was around 2am.
My mother had called the neighbor (the one she said would not help her anymore) and got her out of bed at 12:30am. Allegedly my mother was choking on a piece of cooked broccoli and wanted to go to the emergency department and did not want to call an ambulance. My mother's neighbor took her, and she said my mother could not speak when she pulled up and took her in. She had normal BP and vitals, and an Xray showed nothing. She was annoyed that they were not going to go down her throat and 'get it' and when they asked the standard advance directive/DNR question she said "You will need to call my daughter" and went into high drama. The neighbor quickly interjected that there was no need to call me, it was a routine question. She stated that my mother seemed disappointed that more heroic measures were not necessary and they were not going to call me. By this point my mother is speaking more normally, and the neighbor said she would call me in the morning.
At 10am the neighbor called me. She was with my mother until 3:45am, and she had to get up at 7am for work. She took her home after the doctor (in frustration, most likely, since she refused to cough hard because she would 'aspirate into her lungs') had her drink a soda and rise up onto her tiptoes and rock back to her heels. Miraculously it worked on the second try. The neighbor was trying not to laugh, as she saw it for what it was, a 'GTFO of my ER' maneuver. I explained that I knew something was going to happen, and my conversation. She asked me to call after I had talked to my mother. I waited until 6pm, and since she had not called, I called her. She recounted the events of the evening, ignoring my questions and making it much more dramatic in the retelling.
The next day I called the neighbor and verified the veracity of my mother's version. It was exaggerated on several counts and at least one detail was fabricated. A few days later the neighbor has not called her. She may have burnt that bridge.
Hoarding. No one wins.
Why do I try? Part One
Oh dear god and little fishes. I had a stupid of monumental proportions. And I know better...
So as many know, I left my job as CEO in early February. It is now 2 1/2 months later. I took over 7 weeks off (I have not NOT worked since I was 15 years of age). I have had immediate and enthusiastic response to my applications for the most part, and I am a final candidate for a job that would take me to the other coast, 3000 miles away. I have shared this with my hoarding mother. She resumes talking about herself without missing a beat.
So... I am flying out there to see if it is the right fit. Yes, moving far from my friends will be hard, but I have been wanting a change. If I do accept, I will most likely be moving mid June or July at the latest. If I accept, I have several considerations, but the biggest is my furry family. My newest adoption is still a cat of sizable means, she is 22lbs. She will not fit under an airline seat, and I will not allow her to flown in the cargo hold. My other kitty is 17 years old and the flight would really freak her out.
Now, there is a minor complication driving. I have a luxury sports sedan, although it is not too old, I have driven the crap out of it, it has over 140K on it. I am not concerned about mileage as it should run to 300K easily, but it is small, and has no towing capacity. I would need to take a friend with me and there simply will not be enough room. I also need rotors, brakes, and sensor, and the next service that will be nearly $2000 in maintenance and repairs. It is a car that is worth $5200.
I found a SUV that is by the same make as my car. It is used, certified and has a 10 year warranty that is unlimited mileage and transfers to whatever dealership I choose. I put a deposit on the SUV. It is refundable, so I am not out anything if things fall through. Now, what to do with my car? I could trade it in, but I would just be giving it to them to wholesale and it is a great car, a pretty car, and in super shape. My hoarding mother's aging Honda had a valve leak, and required expensive repairs. It is a $500 car. My car is one that is known for extreme safety.
So I called her and let her know the recent developments, and if things work out, I would do the service and maintenance of my car and give it to her. She would not have to do ANYTHING but accept it.
OH HELL, THE CRAZINESS THAT ENSUED. She responded by saying (screaming):
- She does not know how long she will driving anyway because she cannot get to a new doctor to get her cataract surgery (she backed out of her last surgery 3 hours before).
- She feels that her memory is diminished and that she is sure she had a stroke a while ago.
- She has no one to help her, she used to to depend on the neighbor but 'that has all changed big time'.
- She is sure (a different) neighbor is trying to kill her.
Then she went on the offensive. Rapid fire accusations, insinuations, and questions-masquerading-as-attacks:
- She demanded to know why I could not get a job where I am (that she has never visited, and she has refused to see me since 4/2013).
- She demanded why my best friend or 'all my contacts' could not give me a job.
You get the idea. I got off the phone.
Later, she ended up in the emergency room. It was manufactured drama, and I will report that in Part 2....
To be continued...
Monday, March 4, 2019
At long last- From The Mouth Of A Hoarder... (FTMOAH!)
Oh my GAWD. You cannot make this stuff up... Just this week on FTMOAH...
_________________
Talking about her nasty feet and her unwillingness to allow anyone address her tallus [sic] calluses and her plantar calluses... "... and I showed the nurse what I did and she just looked at me and looked at me and said she had never seen anyone that did that [preening like she did something ground breaking] and I showed her how this fit perfectly in my shoes and I cut the padding so I could roll it up..."
What padding? What are you talking about?
"I can buy them at Walmart for $4. The things you stick in your underwear to catch moisture..."
Sanitary pads?
"I guess that is what you could call them..."
______________
Since I am not working right now, she seems to think that I am available 24/7, and she will call from a blocked number (which I never answer) and then she will unblock and call me repeatedly until I answer, hanging up and calling immediately. I am going to have to mute repeated calls from the same number...
WHAT!?!
"Well, you don't have to be so nice, I am not sick, but I need an answer to something..."
What is it ... (This a Sunday night BTW)
"I saw an advertisement in AARP and they have a 'Jitterbug phone'. Didn't you say one of the folks at the office had one that they wanted to get rid of?"
The office I do not work at anymore? The thing I mentioned in passing over 11 years ago? That thing?
"I was just asking!..."
She is DRIVING ME NUTS. She has to get a new phone because her flip phone that she bought 10 years ago or so is dying. She is considering buying an iPhone. I suspect she won't, but ye gods...
______________________
"Let me ask you a question..."
Do I have a choice?
"[Goes on like she did not hear me....] Do you have a lot of moles on your body?"
NO. No. And we have talked about this 5 million times. And I am not discussing this....
"Why are some red and some brown?"
_____________________
Hoarding, no one wins. No one.
_________________
Talking about her nasty feet and her unwillingness to allow anyone address her tallus [sic] calluses and her plantar calluses... "... and I showed the nurse what I did and she just looked at me and looked at me and said she had never seen anyone that did that [preening like she did something ground breaking] and I showed her how this fit perfectly in my shoes and I cut the padding so I could roll it up..."
What padding? What are you talking about?
"I can buy them at Walmart for $4. The things you stick in your underwear to catch moisture..."
Sanitary pads?
"I guess that is what you could call them..."
______________
Since I am not working right now, she seems to think that I am available 24/7, and she will call from a blocked number (which I never answer) and then she will unblock and call me repeatedly until I answer, hanging up and calling immediately. I am going to have to mute repeated calls from the same number...
WHAT!?!
"Well, you don't have to be so nice, I am not sick, but I need an answer to something..."
What is it ... (This a Sunday night BTW)
"I saw an advertisement in AARP and they have a 'Jitterbug phone'. Didn't you say one of the folks at the office had one that they wanted to get rid of?"
The office I do not work at anymore? The thing I mentioned in passing over 11 years ago? That thing?
"I was just asking!..."
She is DRIVING ME NUTS. She has to get a new phone because her flip phone that she bought 10 years ago or so is dying. She is considering buying an iPhone. I suspect she won't, but ye gods...
______________________
"Let me ask you a question..."
Do I have a choice?
"[Goes on like she did not hear me....] Do you have a lot of moles on your body?"
NO. No. And we have talked about this 5 million times. And I am not discussing this....
"Why are some red and some brown?"
_____________________
Hoarding, no one wins. No one.
Sunday, February 24, 2019
A few weeks in the cyclone of the tornado...
What a few weeks it has been.
I left my job, resigned without notice a couple of weeks ago. The hardest thing I have ever done, but it had to be done. The past two weeks have been full of discovery. Some pleasant, some unpleasant, and some introspection. There has been a lot of betrayal and malice that led to my resigning, there have been subsequent betrayals, and there are the ancillary betrayals... But there have been the unexpected support from unexpected places, and that is what I focus on, not the people who, directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally, fell a bit short. I have cut out any social media feeds that would give me information about my old organization, directly or indirectly. I wish them the best and much success. I have moved on.
Shortly after I quit my job, (like three days after) my dear friend ended up in CCU on life support and initially, was not expected to live, and if so, she would most likely be an amputee as her legs were not getting sufficient blood flow, despite being on an ECMO protocol. She is getting incrementally better, but it will be a LONG recovery for her. When I heard the news, I sobbed. I have every day that I can, and I will continue to do so.
I got away for five days and visited a southern state, and I needed that. I was a hot mess and still so raw, not sleeping at all - and what I did not recognize initially as anxiety reared its head. I had a series of panic attacks riding down, and things were okay the rest of the trip, but a couple of days later it was back. (I know realize that many were prompted by folks talking about my former job generically, as I was clear to all parties that I did not want specifics or to speculate...) I did not sleep at all Monday night, and even when I was trying to eat I had to get up and move, and was feeling extremely claustrophobic. That is why I did not recognize the feeling as panic attacks, as I attributed no emotion to them, I did not feel a sense of impending doom, and generally I am not prone to depression or anxiety. Tuesday was full of feeling claustrophobic and I even had to put down my soup I was eating for lunch and walk around. I decided that this could be a possibility, and I know that it is situational, and I know that exercise is the most underutilized antidepressant and anti-anxiety remedy. I was finishing my cool-down after a run on the treadmill at the gym, and I had the mother of all panic attacks. I left the gym quickly and driving seemed to help. My neighbor stopped me to tell me he was moving, and he asked if I were on vacation. I told him I had resigned, and he talked about a similar situation he experienced 15 years ago and about the depression and anxiety he faced, and to not let it impact me like it impacted him. I felt another wave of claustrophobia coming on, so I excused myself and I ran in my place to get my insurance card and to call my doctor. I could not make sense of the voicemail menu, so I decided to drive across the highway to his office. By the time I got there, I was a sobbing mess. Luckily he had an appointment cancel, and he could see me. I was prescribed a low dose of a SSRI daily, with the intent of weaning off in a month or so, and also a med for anxiety as needed. I have done well, and the panic attacks are not happening now. I consider that a win, because I would not have asked for help and would have just powered through at one time.
Financially I am okay, and I have several months before I have jump back in. I am looking now, but I have the luxury of being selective.
I am setting structure to my days, exercising, doing things around my place, going to visit my friend in CCU, and going to a coffee shop and working. I have a panel presentation next month, and I remain on a couple of boards. I do most of my job hunting from the coffee shop and most of my applying from home in the evenings. I plan on losing the 30 lbs that working 70-80 hours helped me gain.
My cats are thriving, and I am reconnecting with friends that I have neglected for the last 18 months or better. Tonight a friend asked what was different about me, that I looked rested, glowing, and like I had had a face lift. I told her I had left my job, and she was happy for me. The consensus of group I was out with was 'GOOD'.
I am about to embark on a new chapter, and it is exciting and terrifying all at the same time. And my hoarding mother? She is back to her repertoire of usual subjects. The neighbor that is harassing her. Poop. Moles. General paranoias. I have ceased to be a focus since I am not discussing the specifics of what led me to quit my job, and am not telling her a whole lot of detail about anything.
Onward and upward...
I left my job, resigned without notice a couple of weeks ago. The hardest thing I have ever done, but it had to be done. The past two weeks have been full of discovery. Some pleasant, some unpleasant, and some introspection. There has been a lot of betrayal and malice that led to my resigning, there have been subsequent betrayals, and there are the ancillary betrayals... But there have been the unexpected support from unexpected places, and that is what I focus on, not the people who, directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally, fell a bit short. I have cut out any social media feeds that would give me information about my old organization, directly or indirectly. I wish them the best and much success. I have moved on.
Shortly after I quit my job, (like three days after) my dear friend ended up in CCU on life support and initially, was not expected to live, and if so, she would most likely be an amputee as her legs were not getting sufficient blood flow, despite being on an ECMO protocol. She is getting incrementally better, but it will be a LONG recovery for her. When I heard the news, I sobbed. I have every day that I can, and I will continue to do so.
I got away for five days and visited a southern state, and I needed that. I was a hot mess and still so raw, not sleeping at all - and what I did not recognize initially as anxiety reared its head. I had a series of panic attacks riding down, and things were okay the rest of the trip, but a couple of days later it was back. (I know realize that many were prompted by folks talking about my former job generically, as I was clear to all parties that I did not want specifics or to speculate...) I did not sleep at all Monday night, and even when I was trying to eat I had to get up and move, and was feeling extremely claustrophobic. That is why I did not recognize the feeling as panic attacks, as I attributed no emotion to them, I did not feel a sense of impending doom, and generally I am not prone to depression or anxiety. Tuesday was full of feeling claustrophobic and I even had to put down my soup I was eating for lunch and walk around. I decided that this could be a possibility, and I know that it is situational, and I know that exercise is the most underutilized antidepressant and anti-anxiety remedy. I was finishing my cool-down after a run on the treadmill at the gym, and I had the mother of all panic attacks. I left the gym quickly and driving seemed to help. My neighbor stopped me to tell me he was moving, and he asked if I were on vacation. I told him I had resigned, and he talked about a similar situation he experienced 15 years ago and about the depression and anxiety he faced, and to not let it impact me like it impacted him. I felt another wave of claustrophobia coming on, so I excused myself and I ran in my place to get my insurance card and to call my doctor. I could not make sense of the voicemail menu, so I decided to drive across the highway to his office. By the time I got there, I was a sobbing mess. Luckily he had an appointment cancel, and he could see me. I was prescribed a low dose of a SSRI daily, with the intent of weaning off in a month or so, and also a med for anxiety as needed. I have done well, and the panic attacks are not happening now. I consider that a win, because I would not have asked for help and would have just powered through at one time.
Financially I am okay, and I have several months before I have jump back in. I am looking now, but I have the luxury of being selective.
I am setting structure to my days, exercising, doing things around my place, going to visit my friend in CCU, and going to a coffee shop and working. I have a panel presentation next month, and I remain on a couple of boards. I do most of my job hunting from the coffee shop and most of my applying from home in the evenings. I plan on losing the 30 lbs that working 70-80 hours helped me gain.
My cats are thriving, and I am reconnecting with friends that I have neglected for the last 18 months or better. Tonight a friend asked what was different about me, that I looked rested, glowing, and like I had had a face lift. I told her I had left my job, and she was happy for me. The consensus of group I was out with was 'GOOD'.
I am about to embark on a new chapter, and it is exciting and terrifying all at the same time. And my hoarding mother? She is back to her repertoire of usual subjects. The neighbor that is harassing her. Poop. Moles. General paranoias. I have ceased to be a focus since I am not discussing the specifics of what led me to quit my job, and am not telling her a whole lot of detail about anything.
Onward and upward...
Thursday, January 17, 2019
It is time for... From The Mouth Of A Hoarder...
So she has been a LOT worse lately... 'She' being my hoarding mother.
She was talking about petting her one cat (that is about 9 or so) and after a painful, weird, and convoluted-verbal-vomit salad she finally came to the point to the story, one of the cat's canine teeth is broken off. She then started railing against her estranged sister who she last had in her home summer of 2000. That is right. Eighteen and half years ago. She began with the accusation that her sister shut a cat that I grew up with in the door, and ranted that it probably happened at the same time and...
I cut her off. I am not even going into that people are not singular natured- if she decides she is done, then the person is the most horrible person ever... Ugh.
The cat she was accusing her sister of harming was a kitten when I was twelve. She died at 21 years of age. So I was 33. I am now nearly 50. So, 17 years ago. And the alleged injury was discovered probably 5-7 years before that, but after her blow up with her sister she decided it was her. I broke it down for her like that. She de-escalated briefly, but then told me tale of the tail (see what I did there?) word for word.
I also pointed out that her current kitty has been to the vet recently, and that would have been noticed as the gum is swollen.
She demurred and changed the subject. That poor cat. I keep asking her when she is taking it to the vet. Every time I talk to her... Now, there is a possibility that none of this is true. That makes it so hard.
She is having cataract surgery at the end of the month. Bet that will be fun for the neighbor (her new wonderful stranger and I suspect, flying monkey). I hate to tell her, the fall from the pedestal is a hard and fast one. With that being said, I am glad she has someone to take her.
Hoarding, no one wins. No one.
She was talking about petting her one cat (that is about 9 or so) and after a painful, weird, and convoluted-verbal-vomit salad she finally came to the point to the story, one of the cat's canine teeth is broken off. She then started railing against her estranged sister who she last had in her home summer of 2000. That is right. Eighteen and half years ago. She began with the accusation that her sister shut a cat that I grew up with in the door, and ranted that it probably happened at the same time and...
I cut her off. I am not even going into that people are not singular natured- if she decides she is done, then the person is the most horrible person ever... Ugh.
The cat she was accusing her sister of harming was a kitten when I was twelve. She died at 21 years of age. So I was 33. I am now nearly 50. So, 17 years ago. And the alleged injury was discovered probably 5-7 years before that, but after her blow up with her sister she decided it was her. I broke it down for her like that. She de-escalated briefly, but then told me tale of the tail (see what I did there?) word for word.
I also pointed out that her current kitty has been to the vet recently, and that would have been noticed as the gum is swollen.
She demurred and changed the subject. That poor cat. I keep asking her when she is taking it to the vet. Every time I talk to her... Now, there is a possibility that none of this is true. That makes it so hard.
She is having cataract surgery at the end of the month. Bet that will be fun for the neighbor (her new wonderful stranger and I suspect, flying monkey). I hate to tell her, the fall from the pedestal is a hard and fast one. With that being said, I am glad she has someone to take her.
Hoarding, no one wins. No one.
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
Looking forward to a new year, because 2018 has been rough!
I am so ready for the opportunity of 2019. In the last couple of weeks I lost my little aged kitty love. The one that had been so sick, and was 17-20 years old. She and I had 7 months together, and although I did not think it was enough, I had to make a hard decision. I hope it was the right one.
Of course, my hoarding mother was urging me to stop exploring options and put her down. Then when my vet and I came to the decision, she endlessly talked about her latest cat that died, and her fears for three of her own.
Very quickly, I had a board member at a local rescue reach out to me. She knows that the other cat does not do well without a companion, and my baby was despondent. She really, really, got close to this kitty. I made the decision to jump, and I adopted a 10 1/2 year old shy girl who is super-obese. We have our work cut out for us... But we will work on this together. All of us. My resident cat has adapted quite well. When the 'excitement' of that wore off for my hoarding mother... She has 'hit the gas' on manufacturing her own drama. This includes:
Of course, my hoarding mother was urging me to stop exploring options and put her down. Then when my vet and I came to the decision, she endlessly talked about her latest cat that died, and her fears for three of her own.
Very quickly, I had a board member at a local rescue reach out to me. She knows that the other cat does not do well without a companion, and my baby was despondent. She really, really, got close to this kitty. I made the decision to jump, and I adopted a 10 1/2 year old shy girl who is super-obese. We have our work cut out for us... But we will work on this together. All of us. My resident cat has adapted quite well. When the 'excitement' of that wore off for my hoarding mother... She has 'hit the gas' on manufacturing her own drama. This includes:
- Calling on a weekend and dramatically intoning her new roof was leaking on the porch and running down a litany of petty complaints about the contractor, and she wants someone to 'make him' pay for fixing it to her satisfaction... Since I run a residential program I would have a magic wand... I told her to call the Better Business Bureau or take him to small claims court if she could not find it to allow him to correct the issue, which I recommend. She did not like THAT.
- Stating the next door neighbor is in 'cahoots' with the hated neighbor that moved away, accusing him of the same types of nonsensical acts of theft or vandalism that she accused the 'neighbor in the turn' of.
- Complaining that she expects to be arrested any day due to the interaction she had with the sheriff when she made her last complaint.
- Hyping high drama with her last bone scan results, and then refusing any treatment. It is not if, it is when, a bone breaks.
- Also hyping to the highest level of bathos that she has a mitral valve prolapse. She was angry and walked out of her cardiology referral due to the doctor stating it was not an issue, discussing that it was common in her age bracket, not allowing her to perform her 'dog and pony' show.
- She had a neighbor take her to a nearby (larger town) for a consult for cataract surgery. She was shocked that she had been in there in 2009, and that her cataract had gotten worse in the last 9 years.
I could go into more, but you get the idea. My mother's neighbor is correct, she wants something to be seriously wrong/critical in nature. I have remained very low contact, and I get off the phone when she starts her 'scripts' or rumination, ruination, and petty grievances.
Hoarding. No one wins. Happy 2019!
Friday, November 23, 2018
It is past due! From the Mouth of a Hoarder...
I have to laugh or I would scream... FMTOAH time! I have called my hoarding mother twice since last week. Oy, why do I do this to myself? Anyway... Here it goes!
________________
HM: So, what has your experience been with ground turkey? I saw a recipe on 'Cooking Light' and [nattering insufferably about how skeptical she is to whether that will be 'right' despite the fact she cannot cook due to her microwave and oven being out of order and her range top hoarded solid...]
Me: :::Stunned silence:::
HM: Well?
Me: Um... You do remember that I have a Type I allergy to turkey and capon, right?
HM: What does that mean? <Harrumphing>
Me: That I have to have an double epi pen because I go into an anaphylactic reaction...
HM: I don't remember THAT.
Now, I have had issues as a child with severe facial swelling, and it was around holiday time but no one toppled to the connection (or no one cared enough to try). One of my few last visits to her house (1997 or so) she fed me turkey loaf... Cooked lovingly in the microwave. I had a severe reaction with my face, lips and throat swelling. I looked like Quasimodo, and I nearly died. I had continued exposure, and it only got worse. SHE WITNESSED THE START OF IT. Now I know that the weird, 'sudden' allergies are part of my overall condition (actually a co-morbidity) caused by Mast Cell Activation. This has been a 'thing' for over 20 years of my life.
HM: So you don't know whether ground turkey is good in that or not?
__________________________
HM: I keep meaning to ask... You have several degrees, right?
Me: What?
HM: You have multiple degrees on something right? You finished school for something or something?
Me: Yes, you were at my graduation for my undergrad. [I tell her my degrees, and licensure].
HM: Someone asked me, and I could not remember...
__________________________
Yeah. I am not important in her life, but I knew that already. Thank goodness for friends who are family and my furry family.
Thank you for reading!!!
________________
HM: So, what has your experience been with ground turkey? I saw a recipe on 'Cooking Light' and [nattering insufferably about how skeptical she is to whether that will be 'right' despite the fact she cannot cook due to her microwave and oven being out of order and her range top hoarded solid...]
Me: :::Stunned silence:::
HM: Well?
Me: Um... You do remember that I have a Type I allergy to turkey and capon, right?
HM: What does that mean? <Harrumphing>
Me: That I have to have an double epi pen because I go into an anaphylactic reaction...
HM: I don't remember THAT.
Now, I have had issues as a child with severe facial swelling, and it was around holiday time but no one toppled to the connection (or no one cared enough to try). One of my few last visits to her house (1997 or so) she fed me turkey loaf... Cooked lovingly in the microwave. I had a severe reaction with my face, lips and throat swelling. I looked like Quasimodo, and I nearly died. I had continued exposure, and it only got worse. SHE WITNESSED THE START OF IT. Now I know that the weird, 'sudden' allergies are part of my overall condition (actually a co-morbidity) caused by Mast Cell Activation. This has been a 'thing' for over 20 years of my life.
HM: So you don't know whether ground turkey is good in that or not?
__________________________
HM: I keep meaning to ask... You have several degrees, right?
Me: What?
HM: You have multiple degrees on something right? You finished school for something or something?
Me: Yes, you were at my graduation for my undergrad. [I tell her my degrees, and licensure].
HM: Someone asked me, and I could not remember...
__________________________
Yeah. I am not important in her life, but I knew that already. Thank goodness for friends who are family and my furry family.
Thank you for reading!!!
Thursday, November 15, 2018
A snow day in the northeast!
I am at home, working from home. My little feline loves are quite happy! My newest kitty (the one that is 17-20 years old) has had a health crisis, and unfortunately, one that may result in kidney failure. I am doing everything humanly possible, and she is improving. We take it one day at a time. That is all we can do.
So... My hoarding mother. She cannot get out of her own way to save her life. Not much changes, and I fear the house conditions continue to deteriorate. She did get the roof replaced this month, only 3-4 YEARS after the hail damage. She- in discussing other things- has disclosed that:
So... My hoarding mother. She cannot get out of her own way to save her life. Not much changes, and I fear the house conditions continue to deteriorate. She did get the roof replaced this month, only 3-4 YEARS after the hail damage. She- in discussing other things- has disclosed that:
- Her dishwasher no longer works.
- Her microwave no longer works, and she has a new one that 'she cannot get out of the box or lift onto the counter' so she cannot use it.
- Her washing machine no longer works. And she is not always continent and has C-Diff.
- Her A/C does not work.
- Her refrigerator is on its last legs.
- Her oven no longer works.
- Her hot water tank will not kick off 'vacation mode'.
I am sure there are other things, but when I last saw her house in 2010 (and I had not been in the house since 2000 the time before) it was firmly a Level 5 hoard, and a Level 9 on the Clutter Image Rating. It has not gotten any better. For folks that hoard, it seldom does. Especially when other mental health issues, like Narcissistic Personality Disorder, are present. Her cruelty and pettiness are absolutely breaktaking. Her lack of boundaries knows no limits. I continue low, low contact. I plan on not ever setting foot in that house again, and I will never see her in person again. That is what I have to do to keep me healthy.
She is aware that I am going through the diagnostic process of something. I will not tell her what, because she has often stated directly "I want to know what is wrong with you because I am sure it is wrong with me, too." No, it isn't. I am finalizing a process that has been years in undertaking, and I just now need to figure out genetic markers and co-morbidities, but basically, I have a genetic connective tissue condition that is degenerative. I will most likely end up disabled, and organ failure and other charming things will be a challenge. I am lucky that my progression has been slow, most folks are disabled in their 20's or 30's, and I am 49. I still run, but I struggle to do so. My sub 10 minute miles are now sub 15. I have gained some weight, and my fine motor skills are noticeably impacted. I am losing the ability to write legibly in longhand, even to sign my name. I had something happen, and long story short I was asked to not get a hotel room at a conference and drive it every day, about an hour each way. The first day was a 12 hour day, and I nearly wrecked several times going home because I was so exhausted that I was having trouble keeping my car in lane that was a long term construction project. I was in a single lane surrounded by Jersey barriers. Do to some unfortunate disclosures by folks that should have known better, it became 'a thing' the next day when I delayed my arrival a bit because I needed to rest, and I was unable to attend the third day. I was not ready to disclose, and I had that choice removed.
Now, I have had times where I have been really, really impacted, but I have always rebounded. I hope, hope, HOPE I can do it again. But I fear that I have fallen so fast and hard, I am unlikely to rebound to the level I had. This my be my new normal, I fear. And the pain has gotten worse. But, I take no prisoners, and make no concessions. I will NOT let this thing define me. Where this relates to my hoarding mother is although I do not tell her much, some of it seeps out. Most mothers know if something is not right. She is oblivious, and if she did know, she would make it all about her in some way. No thank you.
I have been working 70-80 hour weeks. No exaggeration. She is aware that my organization is struggling to recover. She does not ask about anything or offer empathy. She is aware that I will, most likely, be saying goodbye to another furbaby. She does not ask anything helpful or offer encouragement. And I do not expect it from her. I am struggling to wrap my mind around the (potential) enormity of my diagnosis. This may change to trajectory of my career, and of my life. I had a gentleman express interest in me, and ask me out. I have not responded, but I don't think so. Between work, health, and cats... I do not have much bandwidth. I know I have dropped from most of my friend's sights, as I do when I am dealing with something, but I just do not have much to offer right now. I will bounce back, but I know the self isolation is not good for me, but I am in harness, at least for a while, with a grinding work schedule. I did not make plans to visit friends due to work and my sick cat, but a friend surprised me and is coming to visit. We will have a lovely Friendsgiving holiday, and another dear friend made plans to share the day as well, so it will be the three of us.
That sounds perfect...
I will be okay. No matter what happens with health or any other challenge, I will land on my feet. But sometimes, that is an isolating and exhausting 'superpower'.
Hoarding... No one wins. No one.
Thanks for reading.
Monday, April 9, 2018
A little light in my life went out today.
About 2 hours ago I put my sweet gray kitty to sleep. She been declining, and the vet confirmed she was in pain, and anything we did would most likely, at best, have very short term results that would mask the underlying condition, if they worked at all. I am in shock, but after discussion with my vet, it was the kindest option for my sweet girl. I held her the whole time. I have sobbed intermittently and paced, stressing my other old girl out a bit. She fierce, she was full of sass, and she loved me. I am heartbroken. I will miss her headbunts, her raspy voice, and her scowls when things did not go the way she thought they should. I will miss turning on and off faucets for her, and her startling me sitting in strange locations. I will miss her. Now my other cat and I have to adjust to a new normal without her. I worry that my other kitty will miss her, and will be lonely. I dread going to bed without her. She would manage to hog the bed, and I wondered how 8 pounds of cat could cause me and the other cat to wake up on the edge of the bed.
I also am overwhelmed by my friends and their kindness. Texts, emails, calls, social media responses and comments... Three of my friends ordered dinner delivered to my from my favorite (Vietnamese) restaurant, and figured out what I like from pictures. I had not even thought of food, and most likely would have gone to bed (if I do that tonight) without eating. I am so grateful. I am SO grateful. I do not know what I do to deserve the wonderful people in my life, and I do not take a single one of them for granted.
I spoke to my hoarding mother today. I mentioned that I was worried about my kitty and headed home to check on her. This launched a monologue about the last kitty she lost. She called as I was driving to work to pick up my laptop and returning home to spend time with my kitty before our emergency vet visit.
You know who has not called to check in to see how the visit went? My hoarding mother. Honestly, I am thankful for that, but it reinforces how perverse her relationship dynamic is with me. And the outpouring of support and love for me and my kitty? She would have little frame of reference since relationships are transactional, not reciprocal. I will most likely wait a few days before I check in because I just CANNOT. Earlier this week she was alleging someone came into her yard and dug a hole near her storage building (to pry a panel off and steal from it...) and they stole the dirt from the hole. Really. She then asked her neighbor to set up a baby monitor to listen since she can't hear well. The neighbor said no... The neighbor called me, it was not a baby monitor, but a driveway alarm. These folks work, and would like to sleep at night! When telling this, she was indignant that they refused, and I told her they should, that is intrusive and an inconvenience.
Wow. Just wow.
Back to working on my presentation for tomorrow. I have to say I am having a hard time working on it as my heart is not in it. I also found out that I am being recognized at the end of the month for my work in anti-violence. I did mention it to her, and her response was, "Why would they honor you? Did you ask for it?"
Le sigh.
Have a good evening. Please hug those who are important to you a bit tighter when you see them, human, feline, canine ... (As long as they consent!)
Hoarding, no one wins. No one.
I also am overwhelmed by my friends and their kindness. Texts, emails, calls, social media responses and comments... Three of my friends ordered dinner delivered to my from my favorite (Vietnamese) restaurant, and figured out what I like from pictures. I had not even thought of food, and most likely would have gone to bed (if I do that tonight) without eating. I am so grateful. I am SO grateful. I do not know what I do to deserve the wonderful people in my life, and I do not take a single one of them for granted.
I spoke to my hoarding mother today. I mentioned that I was worried about my kitty and headed home to check on her. This launched a monologue about the last kitty she lost. She called as I was driving to work to pick up my laptop and returning home to spend time with my kitty before our emergency vet visit.
You know who has not called to check in to see how the visit went? My hoarding mother. Honestly, I am thankful for that, but it reinforces how perverse her relationship dynamic is with me. And the outpouring of support and love for me and my kitty? She would have little frame of reference since relationships are transactional, not reciprocal. I will most likely wait a few days before I check in because I just CANNOT. Earlier this week she was alleging someone came into her yard and dug a hole near her storage building (to pry a panel off and steal from it...) and they stole the dirt from the hole. Really. She then asked her neighbor to set up a baby monitor to listen since she can't hear well. The neighbor said no... The neighbor called me, it was not a baby monitor, but a driveway alarm. These folks work, and would like to sleep at night! When telling this, she was indignant that they refused, and I told her they should, that is intrusive and an inconvenience.
Wow. Just wow.
Back to working on my presentation for tomorrow. I have to say I am having a hard time working on it as my heart is not in it. I also found out that I am being recognized at the end of the month for my work in anti-violence. I did mention it to her, and her response was, "Why would they honor you? Did you ask for it?"
Le sigh.
Have a good evening. Please hug those who are important to you a bit tighter when you see them, human, feline, canine ... (As long as they consent!)
Hoarding, no one wins. No one.
Sunday, April 1, 2018
What is important...
Sorry, this may be brief. I have been in grant mode, and of course, that caused my tendonitis to flare. I got the all clear on Thursday, and yesterday my elbow has done little but yell at me. Not the end of the world, but an annoyance nonetheless.
I just about 'went there' with my hoarding mother. She has not escalated to the point she was mid-month, all though she is still talking about the neighbor's break ins and her problems with the house, still claiming that there is electrical problems/lack of power in the house and garage, no hot water/gas, and the water is shut off to her bathroom/shower (there is only one bathroom in the house). If this is true. IF. I have not talked to her neighbor lately because I just do not need another level of crap... Not the neighbor's, she is lovely, but more machinations of my mother's that will come back to me that way. Midweek last week I gave her a call to check in, and she was in a weird mood (and that is saying something) and stated that she went to the funeral home to check about prepaying her funeral expenses (something that she alleged she had done years ago...). The funeral home is a reputable one, it handled both my paternal grandmother's funeral arrangements and my father's 30 and 29 years ago, respectively. What she wants is going to be $6,500 and with 'discounts' she will pay $5,700. She plans on being transported to the funeral home, embalmed, placed in the casket and buried next to my father. She will not have a viewing, a funeral, and does not want an obituary or the dates carved on the stone. I have only heard this 3,000,000 times in roughly 20 years. Maybe 4,000,000.
She then asked if I talk to my half sister. I repeated that I do not talk to anyone, she is it. I am not mean, I just do not answer and I am not interested in pursuing a relationship. She started yelling at me that she "does not want [narc-sister, my niece, her narc-sister and her narc-niece] to be told ANYTHING". I lost my shit. (Probably not helped by 16 hour workdays and lack of sleep). I forcefully interrupted her and told her that I had heard this 3 million times, and I HAVE GOT IT. Set up [her] plans, no one is going to 'be informed' or have 'access' to her estate such-as-it-is. I asked WHY she feels the need to have this discussion over and over, and quite bluntly, I expect if she follows through on her planning, that she will embalmed and planted before I am aware. I informed her that she has created a life that no one is going to push for these things, as funerals are for the living.
She was aghast. Sputtering, and I took the wind out of whatever storm she was whipping herself into. I got off the phone. I am not playing these games anymore. She overestimates her importance to most everyone I suspect. And I do not plan on ever going home again.
I did call on Friday (because I am a chump) and she was subdued but talking to me. She began talking about her nasty feet, her moles, and trimming her pubic hair. GAH! I got off the phone. She briefly asked about my sick kitty, and used her to talk about her last cat's death. It has been a difficult couple of weeks, and Friday morning I ended up taking my sweet girl to the vet. She is having a reaction to one of the meds. The vet discontinued the most likely culprit, and I am to reintroduce the med at 1/2 dose in three weeks, if we make it that far. This is risky, and it does not seem to have helped the reaction 2 days out. She has lost 4 oz, and she is a tiny cat so that is nothing to sneeze at, and she is vomiting quite a bit. I am afraid we are coming to the end. It was a truly horrible visit for her, and stressed her out. I learned that the treatments she needs for her arthritis and her respiratory issue will impact her heart, so she cannot have them. If she has a flare that throws her into a systemic infection, we are done. She will also not be able to have her pain treatments for her arthritis, so she is grumpy and stiff in the mornings and when she has been still. As I write this, she is on the desk giving me kitty kisses and then romping off to play with her toy in the other room. This will be tough on both of us, not to mention her kitty-sister.
I have to make a decision as to whether I will go to a conference in my home state, and I am leaning towards no. When I travel it stresses the cats immensely, and I cannot imagine being gone for 4-5 days. I will try to find CEUs elsewhere. And frankly, I really do not want the proximity to my hometown. I renewed the lease on my place, as I think the stress of moving would do my fragile kitty in.
My hoarding mother has established her priorities. I have mine, and I will erect and maintain boundaries to ensure mine are not ripped asunder by her manufactured drama.
Hoarding, no one wins. No one.
Taking my sweet kitties to bed, they are summoning me. Have a good week everyone. Thank you for reading.
I just about 'went there' with my hoarding mother. She has not escalated to the point she was mid-month, all though she is still talking about the neighbor's break ins and her problems with the house, still claiming that there is electrical problems/lack of power in the house and garage, no hot water/gas, and the water is shut off to her bathroom/shower (there is only one bathroom in the house). If this is true. IF. I have not talked to her neighbor lately because I just do not need another level of crap... Not the neighbor's, she is lovely, but more machinations of my mother's that will come back to me that way. Midweek last week I gave her a call to check in, and she was in a weird mood (and that is saying something) and stated that she went to the funeral home to check about prepaying her funeral expenses (something that she alleged she had done years ago...). The funeral home is a reputable one, it handled both my paternal grandmother's funeral arrangements and my father's 30 and 29 years ago, respectively. What she wants is going to be $6,500 and with 'discounts' she will pay $5,700. She plans on being transported to the funeral home, embalmed, placed in the casket and buried next to my father. She will not have a viewing, a funeral, and does not want an obituary or the dates carved on the stone. I have only heard this 3,000,000 times in roughly 20 years. Maybe 4,000,000.
She then asked if I talk to my half sister. I repeated that I do not talk to anyone, she is it. I am not mean, I just do not answer and I am not interested in pursuing a relationship. She started yelling at me that she "does not want [narc-sister, my niece, her narc-sister and her narc-niece] to be told ANYTHING". I lost my shit. (Probably not helped by 16 hour workdays and lack of sleep). I forcefully interrupted her and told her that I had heard this 3 million times, and I HAVE GOT IT. Set up [her] plans, no one is going to 'be informed' or have 'access' to her estate such-as-it-is. I asked WHY she feels the need to have this discussion over and over, and quite bluntly, I expect if she follows through on her planning, that she will embalmed and planted before I am aware. I informed her that she has created a life that no one is going to push for these things, as funerals are for the living.
She was aghast. Sputtering, and I took the wind out of whatever storm she was whipping herself into. I got off the phone. I am not playing these games anymore. She overestimates her importance to most everyone I suspect. And I do not plan on ever going home again.
I did call on Friday (because I am a chump) and she was subdued but talking to me. She began talking about her nasty feet, her moles, and trimming her pubic hair. GAH! I got off the phone. She briefly asked about my sick kitty, and used her to talk about her last cat's death. It has been a difficult couple of weeks, and Friday morning I ended up taking my sweet girl to the vet. She is having a reaction to one of the meds. The vet discontinued the most likely culprit, and I am to reintroduce the med at 1/2 dose in three weeks, if we make it that far. This is risky, and it does not seem to have helped the reaction 2 days out. She has lost 4 oz, and she is a tiny cat so that is nothing to sneeze at, and she is vomiting quite a bit. I am afraid we are coming to the end. It was a truly horrible visit for her, and stressed her out. I learned that the treatments she needs for her arthritis and her respiratory issue will impact her heart, so she cannot have them. If she has a flare that throws her into a systemic infection, we are done. She will also not be able to have her pain treatments for her arthritis, so she is grumpy and stiff in the mornings and when she has been still. As I write this, she is on the desk giving me kitty kisses and then romping off to play with her toy in the other room. This will be tough on both of us, not to mention her kitty-sister.
I have to make a decision as to whether I will go to a conference in my home state, and I am leaning towards no. When I travel it stresses the cats immensely, and I cannot imagine being gone for 4-5 days. I will try to find CEUs elsewhere. And frankly, I really do not want the proximity to my hometown. I renewed the lease on my place, as I think the stress of moving would do my fragile kitty in.
My hoarding mother has established her priorities. I have mine, and I will erect and maintain boundaries to ensure mine are not ripped asunder by her manufactured drama.
Hoarding, no one wins. No one.
Taking my sweet kitties to bed, they are summoning me. Have a good week everyone. Thank you for reading.
Sunday, March 11, 2018
Trying to be my own solution... Because my hoarding mother cannot be her own...
Sometimes I cannot catch a break. And I do not ascribe to luck, a greater plan, or whatnot. Sometimes things just happen, and sometimes those things are a mix of good, bad or indifferent. Lately, I have been struggling with a lot of challenges. I think my hoarding, narcissistic mother was a huge lesson. I fall, and each time I get up. I still struggle with letting folks help me in a meaningful way, and sometimes I struggle with asking in a way that is meaningful. I continue to work on that.
Last Sunday evening one of my two elderly cats collapsed. I will spare you the details, but it was late night, I was still up working, and she came to me just as she collapsed. I grabbed shoes, the carrier, my sweet kitty, and wallet/phone/key fob and flew to the emergency vet. It is only a couple exits away on the highway, but I had to get downstairs and to my garage that is east facing as opposed to my place that is west facing. I looked at the time as I put kitty in the carrier, and 7 minutes later I walked into the emergency vet. A few hours later she came out of it, and I was referred to my regular vet. The probable diagnosis was a heart issue, possibly a vagus nerve reaction. I made the appointment, and got really bad news. It is a heart issue that caused a mild spinal stroke (oversimplification, but just humor me). With treatment of a transdermal heart medicine and baby aspirin my sweet girl might have a year or more. Maybe. She is doing well, she is just a bit more attention seeking than usual, walks a bit slower, and sleeps a lot more. She now vocalizes in a 'small' voice, and that is not her normal strident and booming meows. She jumps up, plays, and begs for water out of the faucets. It has been a hard week, as my last kitty that passed had a heart murmur that threw a clot, and produced a horrific seizure. I put her down immediately as another one was imminent. This is a bit different situation, but it will lead the same place, eventually. I have decided to take it a day at a time, and let my kitty call the shots.
I made the mistake of telling my hoarding mother.
She demanded to know why I did not put her down, and asked what I was going to do if it happened again and I was not at home, yadda yadda. Then she proceeded to tell me about all the cats that she had lost over the past 20 or so years (which is a LOT). I just told her it was not up for discussion, and if she wanted to keep talking about it, I would have to go. I just cannot. I am evaluating the situation every day, and I am hoping the pharmacy quits dorking around and gets my credit card information so I can get the medicine started. I think our time together grows very short. My other cat is very aware something is happening, and her behavior towards this one is a bit different. I hope our time is not shorter than I hoped. My mother also asked if I was going to get another cat, and another special needs elderly cat. GRRRRR.
Also this week I came out of the office and walked to the parking garage where I park my car. I immediately saw the rear right tire was flat, and I had left a few moments early as I hoped to stop by a coffee shop and get an iced chai. I ended up driving several blocks on the rim to an automotive parts store and they tried to use a fix-a-flat product. (My car does not come with a spare, nearly 70% of newer cars do not have them.) No dice. I was in a panic, I was the program speaker on International Women's Day for a celebration for a church about 15 miles away. Luckily, one of my staff could help me, and she drove me to the event. A participant drove me back to my car as she drove right by it, and I was able to call the auto service for a tow. A friend saw my plight on social media as I had asked if anyone local could give me a ride and came the 40 minutes to where I was to wait for the rollback truck and follow it to the dealer and then give me a ride home. I appreciated it immensely, as the tow truck driver would have transported me to the dealership, but I would have to got a rideshare home. The next morning, the dealership was able to plug the flat (they hope it will hold) as they know I was hoping to limp my tires along until late spring and replace all of them. They sent a driver to pick me up, and each person I encountered indicated that it was a huge puncture, and with a strange metal object. They showed it to me.
It was a corner of a construction knife/cutter. It was centered in the center of the tire, between the treads and belts. It most likely was not an accident.
I have let the area police know, and they will take a look at the camera to see if they see anything, especially since I was in the garage such a short time that day, and knew the time I came in and the time I found it.
I returned my mother's call. She asked why I sounded funny, and I just said I had a long week, and was exhausted, I did not get home until midnight due to a flat. I did not go into detail about what was in my tire, but she automatically assumed it was malicious. She then told me that the hated neighbor in the turn stole her fuse box in the garage, and I asked about external lights and the garage door and she did not change the subject like last time, but weakly said that 'somehow' the automatic garage door still works and some of the external lights still work. Um... If the 'fuse box' was gone, she would have nothing as it is a separate building from her house. She said last week that something happened to her hot water tank so the gas company shut it off, and she also alluded that whatever this neighbor had done it impacted the house and only the hallway lights work and a few outlets.
Now, who knows what is true. She also said that she has not repaired broken windows and just put contact paper over them.
If this is true, she is firmly in a Stage 5 hoard, and she still has C-Diff. She is now accusing the dentist of giving it to her, she won't consider that all the antibiotics plus using urgent care as her PCP could put her at risk.
She seemed to gather energy from the fact that life has been rough for me. I remembered something from one of my undergraduate college professors who said or paraphrased "Misery loves MISERABLE company." I think that bears true in this case. Many of my friends are not having easy lives at the moment. I am saddened by it, and I am clearly puzzled by what mechanism that someone could derive energy or even some sick pleasure from it. I do not wish hardship on those I do not agree with or like, or dislike me.
I have continued extreme low contact, and now she is calling me about once a day for an 'emergency question' and it is neither...
I keep 'grey rocking' her, and I will focus on what is important. My precious kitties, my vocation, continuing to train for the next race/regaining health and stamina, my friends who are my family, and furthering my education... whether through a certification, another Master's Degree, or a PhD. I think it is time.
Life has been hard. I just realized that just in the last year I have put over 17K miles on my car just running back and forth to medical appointments at a nationally renowned teaching hospital. I have many, many vet bills. I need to dig out of the debt hole (Mainly medical related expense for me and my cats) I have put myself in, so no big vacations for me, and I will need to postpone buying a condo for a couple of years. I will do what I have to, and hopefully I can start picking up some consulting work when things slow down a bit... If they do. Either way, I got this.
I realize that my mother is continuing to deteriorate. She refuses to get out of her own way to find any sort of solution. I refuse to be her. Onward and upward we go.
Thanks for reading!
Last Sunday evening one of my two elderly cats collapsed. I will spare you the details, but it was late night, I was still up working, and she came to me just as she collapsed. I grabbed shoes, the carrier, my sweet kitty, and wallet/phone/key fob and flew to the emergency vet. It is only a couple exits away on the highway, but I had to get downstairs and to my garage that is east facing as opposed to my place that is west facing. I looked at the time as I put kitty in the carrier, and 7 minutes later I walked into the emergency vet. A few hours later she came out of it, and I was referred to my regular vet. The probable diagnosis was a heart issue, possibly a vagus nerve reaction. I made the appointment, and got really bad news. It is a heart issue that caused a mild spinal stroke (oversimplification, but just humor me). With treatment of a transdermal heart medicine and baby aspirin my sweet girl might have a year or more. Maybe. She is doing well, she is just a bit more attention seeking than usual, walks a bit slower, and sleeps a lot more. She now vocalizes in a 'small' voice, and that is not her normal strident and booming meows. She jumps up, plays, and begs for water out of the faucets. It has been a hard week, as my last kitty that passed had a heart murmur that threw a clot, and produced a horrific seizure. I put her down immediately as another one was imminent. This is a bit different situation, but it will lead the same place, eventually. I have decided to take it a day at a time, and let my kitty call the shots.
I made the mistake of telling my hoarding mother.
She demanded to know why I did not put her down, and asked what I was going to do if it happened again and I was not at home, yadda yadda. Then she proceeded to tell me about all the cats that she had lost over the past 20 or so years (which is a LOT). I just told her it was not up for discussion, and if she wanted to keep talking about it, I would have to go. I just cannot. I am evaluating the situation every day, and I am hoping the pharmacy quits dorking around and gets my credit card information so I can get the medicine started. I think our time together grows very short. My other cat is very aware something is happening, and her behavior towards this one is a bit different. I hope our time is not shorter than I hoped. My mother also asked if I was going to get another cat, and another special needs elderly cat. GRRRRR.
Also this week I came out of the office and walked to the parking garage where I park my car. I immediately saw the rear right tire was flat, and I had left a few moments early as I hoped to stop by a coffee shop and get an iced chai. I ended up driving several blocks on the rim to an automotive parts store and they tried to use a fix-a-flat product. (My car does not come with a spare, nearly 70% of newer cars do not have them.) No dice. I was in a panic, I was the program speaker on International Women's Day for a celebration for a church about 15 miles away. Luckily, one of my staff could help me, and she drove me to the event. A participant drove me back to my car as she drove right by it, and I was able to call the auto service for a tow. A friend saw my plight on social media as I had asked if anyone local could give me a ride and came the 40 minutes to where I was to wait for the rollback truck and follow it to the dealer and then give me a ride home. I appreciated it immensely, as the tow truck driver would have transported me to the dealership, but I would have to got a rideshare home. The next morning, the dealership was able to plug the flat (they hope it will hold) as they know I was hoping to limp my tires along until late spring and replace all of them. They sent a driver to pick me up, and each person I encountered indicated that it was a huge puncture, and with a strange metal object. They showed it to me.
It was a corner of a construction knife/cutter. It was centered in the center of the tire, between the treads and belts. It most likely was not an accident.
I have let the area police know, and they will take a look at the camera to see if they see anything, especially since I was in the garage such a short time that day, and knew the time I came in and the time I found it.
I returned my mother's call. She asked why I sounded funny, and I just said I had a long week, and was exhausted, I did not get home until midnight due to a flat. I did not go into detail about what was in my tire, but she automatically assumed it was malicious. She then told me that the hated neighbor in the turn stole her fuse box in the garage, and I asked about external lights and the garage door and she did not change the subject like last time, but weakly said that 'somehow' the automatic garage door still works and some of the external lights still work. Um... If the 'fuse box' was gone, she would have nothing as it is a separate building from her house. She said last week that something happened to her hot water tank so the gas company shut it off, and she also alluded that whatever this neighbor had done it impacted the house and only the hallway lights work and a few outlets.
Now, who knows what is true. She also said that she has not repaired broken windows and just put contact paper over them.
If this is true, she is firmly in a Stage 5 hoard, and she still has C-Diff. She is now accusing the dentist of giving it to her, she won't consider that all the antibiotics plus using urgent care as her PCP could put her at risk.
She seemed to gather energy from the fact that life has been rough for me. I remembered something from one of my undergraduate college professors who said or paraphrased "Misery loves MISERABLE company." I think that bears true in this case. Many of my friends are not having easy lives at the moment. I am saddened by it, and I am clearly puzzled by what mechanism that someone could derive energy or even some sick pleasure from it. I do not wish hardship on those I do not agree with or like, or dislike me.
I have continued extreme low contact, and now she is calling me about once a day for an 'emergency question' and it is neither...
I keep 'grey rocking' her, and I will focus on what is important. My precious kitties, my vocation, continuing to train for the next race/regaining health and stamina, my friends who are my family, and furthering my education... whether through a certification, another Master's Degree, or a PhD. I think it is time.
Life has been hard. I just realized that just in the last year I have put over 17K miles on my car just running back and forth to medical appointments at a nationally renowned teaching hospital. I have many, many vet bills. I need to dig out of the debt hole (Mainly medical related expense for me and my cats) I have put myself in, so no big vacations for me, and I will need to postpone buying a condo for a couple of years. I will do what I have to, and hopefully I can start picking up some consulting work when things slow down a bit... If they do. Either way, I got this.
I realize that my mother is continuing to deteriorate. She refuses to get out of her own way to find any sort of solution. I refuse to be her. Onward and upward we go.
Thanks for reading!
Sunday, February 18, 2018
And I went to ground again. Some lessons I must learn over and over...
Thank you for those who checked in via comments, emails, and the like. It has been a busy two months, and I do what I normally do when life turns up the heat. I 'go to ground' to mix analogies.
I am not sure where to start. I guess with a personal update, then onward to stuff with my hoarding mother. Long story short, I had a long email and phone conversation with my new specialist after the disastrous appointment in December. I felt she really heard me, and she scheduled more testing. The medicine prescribed was AWFUL, and caused a headache within an hour of taking it, and it lasted two to four hours, then I would take the pill again. I felt really rough. I had my tests, and one was so invasive and so foul that they intentionally do not tell patients what it entails until you get there. I also learned that I am still extremely claustrophobic. I had a major freak out in an MRI, and managed to get through the test through sheer force of will alone. My latest appointment with the specialist was a week and half ago, and she took me off the awful med with the horrid side effects (including headache and weight gain) and she has referred me to another specialist/surgeon, for physical therapy and biofeedback, and to specialized clinics and the genetics clinic. I will not be seeing this doctor again as she has gone as far as she can, it is now up to the other specialists. I feel so much better sans GI medication, and I am increasing my mileage slowly to get into my training groove.
Now- from my hoarding mother. Some areas of the northeast have had significant rainfall, snow, spring-like temperatures, and snow... Lather, rinse repeat. Due to this, her area has HEAVY flooding. She called today to ask why I thought water was coming up through the floor in her basement. Apparently she called a home improvement store first and got angry when they were not helpful. I advised her it was due to the flooding and melting, and she had a fatalistic attitude about it 'why should I even bother' when I told her she would need to toss anything that the water came into contact with. She also stated that the hated neighbor in the turn has broken into the garage and taken the fusebox and the electrical panel. I asked how anything electrical like lights or the garage door is opening. She changed the subject.
She has been on a paranoid tear lately. She tortured the Sheriff's Department in her area wanting to talk to the Sheriff, and finally settled to the Lieutenant. She was angry and cursing him, stating he was condescending and did not believe her. She blew up at me because she determined I had a different car because 'it sounded different'. I had an SUV from the dealership (actually, the sales manager's $100K SUV that is self driving, etc.) because I hit some furniture after dark on the highway and did a significant amount of damage to my car, some covered by insurance. She was furious I had not said anything about the accident to her, and she kept demanding to know how it happened. Later, when they had to keep my car a few days longer since they found additional damage, she was giving unsolicited advice and opinions and then started saying things like 'is that why they gave you that SUV? They have so many things wrong with their cars? ' and similar crap. Um... NO, the SUV was a favor since their loaners were all out and they were trying to save me a rental fee and the car did not break- I CRASHED IT! Her sense of entitlement to preferential treatment is astounding. I was grateful, she was angry they did not do more or lie to the insurance company about a motor mount they had to replace while in there. My car is back, and is good as new.
She has been excessively horrible. Smugly criticizing the neighbors for their wet basements and stating 'she has never had a problem' which is not true. but in the 50 years it has happened maybe twice, and then happened today. She criticized a neighbor stating 'her pets do not last very long' and touting her pet's longevity, and then she suddenly lost one at 8 years old with a spinal stroke. She continues to talk about horrible skin and body issues, and she lost more teeth, and only has nine in her head now, and may lose two more soon. She also contracted C-Diff, and she has no sense of TMI. C-Diff in a hoarding, 81 year woman is going to be hard to get rid of. I could fill pages with the ableist, classist, racist, heteronormative and cisnormative crap she spews. She absolutely exhausts me.
I have been limiting contact, and doing a lot of 'grey rock' with her. Not that I would tell her, and not that she asks, but I have my own stuff to deal with, and life is not a bed of roses right now. Work is busy, challenging, wonderful yet ROUGH, and I work 12 to 16 hours day Monday through Friday, and work all day Saturday and part of the day Sunday.
I have my new treadmill in my bedroom, so that gives me some additional ability to train when my schedule is tight. I am so grateful to the friends who got it and brought it to me.
I have much to be grateful for. Even challenges often have a flip side. If life knocks me down 10 times, I will get up 11. I learned much from my hoarding mother, and I developed a sense of resilience I might not otherwise had. With that being said, I have to repeat... Hoarding, no one wins. No one. Have a great week everyone!
I am not sure where to start. I guess with a personal update, then onward to stuff with my hoarding mother. Long story short, I had a long email and phone conversation with my new specialist after the disastrous appointment in December. I felt she really heard me, and she scheduled more testing. The medicine prescribed was AWFUL, and caused a headache within an hour of taking it, and it lasted two to four hours, then I would take the pill again. I felt really rough. I had my tests, and one was so invasive and so foul that they intentionally do not tell patients what it entails until you get there. I also learned that I am still extremely claustrophobic. I had a major freak out in an MRI, and managed to get through the test through sheer force of will alone. My latest appointment with the specialist was a week and half ago, and she took me off the awful med with the horrid side effects (including headache and weight gain) and she has referred me to another specialist/surgeon, for physical therapy and biofeedback, and to specialized clinics and the genetics clinic. I will not be seeing this doctor again as she has gone as far as she can, it is now up to the other specialists. I feel so much better sans GI medication, and I am increasing my mileage slowly to get into my training groove.
Now- from my hoarding mother. Some areas of the northeast have had significant rainfall, snow, spring-like temperatures, and snow... Lather, rinse repeat. Due to this, her area has HEAVY flooding. She called today to ask why I thought water was coming up through the floor in her basement. Apparently she called a home improvement store first and got angry when they were not helpful. I advised her it was due to the flooding and melting, and she had a fatalistic attitude about it 'why should I even bother' when I told her she would need to toss anything that the water came into contact with. She also stated that the hated neighbor in the turn has broken into the garage and taken the fusebox and the electrical panel. I asked how anything electrical like lights or the garage door is opening. She changed the subject.
She has been on a paranoid tear lately. She tortured the Sheriff's Department in her area wanting to talk to the Sheriff, and finally settled to the Lieutenant. She was angry and cursing him, stating he was condescending and did not believe her. She blew up at me because she determined I had a different car because 'it sounded different'. I had an SUV from the dealership (actually, the sales manager's $100K SUV that is self driving, etc.) because I hit some furniture after dark on the highway and did a significant amount of damage to my car, some covered by insurance. She was furious I had not said anything about the accident to her, and she kept demanding to know how it happened. Later, when they had to keep my car a few days longer since they found additional damage, she was giving unsolicited advice and opinions and then started saying things like 'is that why they gave you that SUV? They have so many things wrong with their cars? ' and similar crap. Um... NO, the SUV was a favor since their loaners were all out and they were trying to save me a rental fee and the car did not break- I CRASHED IT! Her sense of entitlement to preferential treatment is astounding. I was grateful, she was angry they did not do more or lie to the insurance company about a motor mount they had to replace while in there. My car is back, and is good as new.
She has been excessively horrible. Smugly criticizing the neighbors for their wet basements and stating 'she has never had a problem' which is not true. but in the 50 years it has happened maybe twice, and then happened today. She criticized a neighbor stating 'her pets do not last very long' and touting her pet's longevity, and then she suddenly lost one at 8 years old with a spinal stroke. She continues to talk about horrible skin and body issues, and she lost more teeth, and only has nine in her head now, and may lose two more soon. She also contracted C-Diff, and she has no sense of TMI. C-Diff in a hoarding, 81 year woman is going to be hard to get rid of. I could fill pages with the ableist, classist, racist, heteronormative and cisnormative crap she spews. She absolutely exhausts me.
I have been limiting contact, and doing a lot of 'grey rock' with her. Not that I would tell her, and not that she asks, but I have my own stuff to deal with, and life is not a bed of roses right now. Work is busy, challenging, wonderful yet ROUGH, and I work 12 to 16 hours day Monday through Friday, and work all day Saturday and part of the day Sunday.
I have my new treadmill in my bedroom, so that gives me some additional ability to train when my schedule is tight. I am so grateful to the friends who got it and brought it to me.
I have much to be grateful for. Even challenges often have a flip side. If life knocks me down 10 times, I will get up 11. I learned much from my hoarding mother, and I developed a sense of resilience I might not otherwise had. With that being said, I have to repeat... Hoarding, no one wins. No one. Have a great week everyone!
Sunday, November 26, 2017
Post Thanksgiving Miscellany...
Hard to believe it has been just over a month since the last post! I just returned from a brief vacation down south, where I spent the the week of the Thanksgiving holiday with friends. I visit them 2-3 times a year, and it is always a treat to go see them. They live in a rural area, and it is quiet and peaceful, and very close to water. I had over a week break from talking to my hoarding mother. And it was really needed.
She has been off and running. Sadly, her favored cat (the deaf one she hand reared) passed unexpectedly on the Sunday before I flew out, some sort of aortic stroke/spine stroke that left the poor little fella paralyzed, and death was imminent. She put him down, and I did call to check in on her as her neighbor texted and told me what happened. I am glad she reached out for help, and she did call when she got back from the vet.
Prior to this, she has been really, really struggling. It is sad. She stated the first week in November that she finally pulled the food out of the chest freezer and unplugged it. She had things that had been in there for nearly 20 years. The really disgusting and disturbing part is, one of the first few posts I talk about a derecho that knocked her power out, and she was without power for 8-10 days in 95+ degree heat. THAT IS THE SAME FOOD! SHE JUST RE-FROZE IT! And she is now using the same freezer to store her toilet paper, paper towels, and other paper products in. I bet that smells fantastic. The freezer is over 50 years old.
She has also been on a tear ruminating and revisiting the 'museum of petty misunderstandings conflated to huge dramas' and has done the "Now I am just going to tell you this ONCE, lady, I am NOT to have an obituary in the paper or a funeral..." And I cut her off each time telling her that she has told me that 10,000 times or more and we are not going there. She gets pouty and says "Well, I mean it..." and I cut her off again. HELLO... It is so sad. It is unlikely anyone would come to a funeral, and all of that is for the living... I do not plan on coming in unless I have to. Her funeral arrangements are set and paid for, she will be buried, unembalmed, and she does not want the final date carved on the headstone she will share with my dad. She does not want an obituary, and she will get all her wishes.
Her paranoia is getting worse as well. She told me she mailed a letter to herself in her post office box and she is leaving it there in case 'something happens to her' and then said that the hated neighbor in the turn happened to turn into their shared street after her and tailgated her all the way to his driveway and she is convinced he is going to kill her!
New neighbors moved in, and they are a mixed couple. Now, she considers herself to be the epitome of unbiased, despite her racist viewpoints. She has decided that the next door neighbors to the new neighbors are not out in the yard because the gentleman is black and the children are mixed. I am sure it has nothing to do with the wife having back surgery and almost dying due to organ failure. She decided that they saw the young man burying her dead cat, and that is why she did not get a Thanksgiving plate from them this year.
She cannot be reasoned with, and she is unable to see any viewpoint but her own.
Hoarding. No one wins. No one. Hope everyone has a great week, and thank you for reading.
Friday, October 20, 2017
200th Post for Not My Hoarding Mother Blog!
Wow. My blogging platform that I use let me know that 2 milestones have been reached this month as far as the blog... One is this is the 200th post, and the second is the blog has had over 100,000 views. I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone that reads, that comments, that sends messages, that shares the Not My Hoarding Mother Blog. I am overwhelmed.
It is bittersweet, that I have had material to continue to write for these past few years. I am so happy to have connected with other folks with parents that hoard, with parents that are narcissistic, and parents that have imparted trauma histories on them. I wish none of us experienced this. But we did experience it, and I hope this blog is about the journey of growth, healing, and some humor thrown in.
Sharing last weeks 'From The Mouth Of A Hoarder' (FTMOAH) exchange...
"What color is your garage door opener?"
What... Why?
"Just answer the question, I need to know."
<Sigh> I think black or dark taupe, I do not know. I know I have lived at my place for nearly 10 years, but I have never paid attention to it....
"What color is mine?"
I have no idea. I am not sure I have seen the newer one you had installed several years ago.
"You mean when I was in the hospital you left my car outside?..."
No, I mean I did not look up at the thing, and I do not know when you replaced it... Why?
"Well, the panel was crooked, and ... Well, something is going on and I do not want to get into it..."
Okay <changes subject>
"...<Interrupting> Do you know where you buy those metal grates that look like cages to go over walk through doors..."
No I do not. Gotta go!
_____________
Okay, so I see where this is going. She is apparently convincing herself that the 'hated neighbor' came in her garage and has switched out her garage door unit.
Ai yi yi. For giggles I meant to look up at my garage door opener. I have not. I still do not know what color it is. And I do not care...
Hoarding, no one wins. No one! Some good news, just had the 11 year anniversary at my job, and I run my first obstacle race tomorrow. Hoping that goes well! Have a great weekend everyone!
It is bittersweet, that I have had material to continue to write for these past few years. I am so happy to have connected with other folks with parents that hoard, with parents that are narcissistic, and parents that have imparted trauma histories on them. I wish none of us experienced this. But we did experience it, and I hope this blog is about the journey of growth, healing, and some humor thrown in.
Sharing last weeks 'From The Mouth Of A Hoarder' (FTMOAH) exchange...
"What color is your garage door opener?"
What... Why?
"Just answer the question, I need to know."
<Sigh> I think black or dark taupe, I do not know. I know I have lived at my place for nearly 10 years, but I have never paid attention to it....
"What color is mine?"
I have no idea. I am not sure I have seen the newer one you had installed several years ago.
"You mean when I was in the hospital you left my car outside?..."
No, I mean I did not look up at the thing, and I do not know when you replaced it... Why?
"Well, the panel was crooked, and ... Well, something is going on and I do not want to get into it..."
Okay <changes subject>
"...<Interrupting> Do you know where you buy those metal grates that look like cages to go over walk through doors..."
No I do not. Gotta go!
_____________
Okay, so I see where this is going. She is apparently convincing herself that the 'hated neighbor' came in her garage and has switched out her garage door unit.
Ai yi yi. For giggles I meant to look up at my garage door opener. I have not. I still do not know what color it is. And I do not care...
Hoarding, no one wins. No one! Some good news, just had the 11 year anniversary at my job, and I run my first obstacle race tomorrow. Hoping that goes well! Have a great weekend everyone!
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
What is real? And what is not real?
Oh, life with a hoarding mother... The gift that keeps on giving...
She continues on her paranoid delusions that her neighbor is 'picking her locks' (does anyone do that anymore? I thought if folks were going to break in they use a credit card, a kit, or a bump key...) and is breaking things. She did finally go to an autobody shop only to have the owner tell her that her 'floppy seatbelt piece' was merely loosening due to age. (The car is 24 years old, after all!) I am not entirely sure she buys it 100%, but she always needs a 'wonderful stranger' to tell her what I have been telling her for years... And I used to run an auto body shop... But what do I know? And my mother absolutely ascribes to sexist gender tropes, so since a MAN told her, then obviously that carries some weight. It is exhausting. But, she is now saying that someone (the hated neighbor) broke into her garage again and loosened the plate on her garage door opener, but she feels he was interrupted since the repair person she called said it was okay. Allegedly the repair person told her to get the steel gates that proprietors use to protect storefronts that lock from the outside for the walkthrough door. Um. Yeah.
The weekend before last, while my mother's neighbor was on vacation, my mother called her stating the garage had been broken into ranting. She did not call me, and waited until today to mention this. I call bullsh*t. She has twice had this neighbor and her fiance come to the fence with flashlights after 10pm to shine a flashlight so she can change the bulbs that she claims the hated neighbor in the turn is destroying. She has also asked this neighbor to shoot her gun into the air or into the ground. Same deal, different day with this craziness.
My hoarding mother mentioned she has not been to her chiropractor in months, and that chiropractor is a classmate of mine from high school (and a major flying monkey of my mother's), and knows I was in town for the high school reunion. I did try to contact her as I was headed to my hometown, but she chose not to answer (and I know she knows the reunion was that weekend, as the chiro told her months ago). I guarantee this woman will say something along the line of 'so, how was your visit with Lisabeth when she was in town in July?' and a whole level of manufactured drama is about to be released. I am not going to take a lot of her crap. I called, I called again, and she did not call back until I was almost home. DONE. Consequences of her own actions. Then I may have a conversation with my 'classmate'. I am so done with her too.
On the good news side, I ran my first race post surgery this weekend. I was 6 minutes slower than my usual, but did not have to walk at all. It was a mixed course with pavement, field, and trail, one of the hardest for me. I am glad I am on the way to getting my momentum back, and I have lots of additional testing at the teaching hospital at the end of the month, but I booked my flight for Florida for Thanksgiving, so I have that to look forward to. I also will be celebrating the one year 'gotcha' anniversary of one of my sweet kitties tomorrow, and they make me so happy. I am working too much, and I am hoping my schedule will normalize a bit in the next couple of weeks.
Life goes on. Onward and upward! Thank you for reading, and have a great week.
She continues on her paranoid delusions that her neighbor is 'picking her locks' (does anyone do that anymore? I thought if folks were going to break in they use a credit card, a kit, or a bump key...) and is breaking things. She did finally go to an autobody shop only to have the owner tell her that her 'floppy seatbelt piece' was merely loosening due to age. (The car is 24 years old, after all!) I am not entirely sure she buys it 100%, but she always needs a 'wonderful stranger' to tell her what I have been telling her for years... And I used to run an auto body shop... But what do I know? And my mother absolutely ascribes to sexist gender tropes, so since a MAN told her, then obviously that carries some weight. It is exhausting. But, she is now saying that someone (the hated neighbor) broke into her garage again and loosened the plate on her garage door opener, but she feels he was interrupted since the repair person she called said it was okay. Allegedly the repair person told her to get the steel gates that proprietors use to protect storefronts that lock from the outside for the walkthrough door. Um. Yeah.
The weekend before last, while my mother's neighbor was on vacation, my mother called her stating the garage had been broken into ranting. She did not call me, and waited until today to mention this. I call bullsh*t. She has twice had this neighbor and her fiance come to the fence with flashlights after 10pm to shine a flashlight so she can change the bulbs that she claims the hated neighbor in the turn is destroying. She has also asked this neighbor to shoot her gun into the air or into the ground. Same deal, different day with this craziness.
My hoarding mother mentioned she has not been to her chiropractor in months, and that chiropractor is a classmate of mine from high school (and a major flying monkey of my mother's), and knows I was in town for the high school reunion. I did try to contact her as I was headed to my hometown, but she chose not to answer (and I know she knows the reunion was that weekend, as the chiro told her months ago). I guarantee this woman will say something along the line of 'so, how was your visit with Lisabeth when she was in town in July?' and a whole level of manufactured drama is about to be released. I am not going to take a lot of her crap. I called, I called again, and she did not call back until I was almost home. DONE. Consequences of her own actions. Then I may have a conversation with my 'classmate'. I am so done with her too.
On the good news side, I ran my first race post surgery this weekend. I was 6 minutes slower than my usual, but did not have to walk at all. It was a mixed course with pavement, field, and trail, one of the hardest for me. I am glad I am on the way to getting my momentum back, and I have lots of additional testing at the teaching hospital at the end of the month, but I booked my flight for Florida for Thanksgiving, so I have that to look forward to. I also will be celebrating the one year 'gotcha' anniversary of one of my sweet kitties tomorrow, and they make me so happy. I am working too much, and I am hoping my schedule will normalize a bit in the next couple of weeks.
Life goes on. Onward and upward! Thank you for reading, and have a great week.
Friday, September 22, 2017
Lisabeth has an annoyed... UPDATED
First the good news. Just got back from the teaching hospital where I had my 8/7/2017 surgery. I am released totally to resume normal lifestyle, including running and training (good thing, I have picked up a bit of weight that puts me over my ideal running weight, time to get it back off and into form to run a marathon within the next few months!) and the doctor stated I did fantastically well, she was surprised. The second bit of good news was I had a tilt test the next day, and met my new specialist. The tilt table was negative, so no POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome).
Setting the stage for this... Because I had multiple appointments, one considered a cardiovascular procedure, I had to have a driver for the second day. The hospital I receive care from is about two hours away from home. I had to work the day prior to the two days of appointments, and I have a friend who lives an hour and half from work, and about two hours away from the hospital as well, but was willing to take me for my appointments. So... The plan was that I would leave work at 5ish, take a conference call that would last most of the way to my friend's, stay the night there, and then we would leave his home at 8am to make my first appointment with my surgeon, then roll across town to another campus to meet my new specialist, then spend a lovely day shopping and eating at great seafood places. I made reservations for a lovely historic inn that was close to the waterfront, and the next morning we had to be at a third hospital location for my testing at 7:30am, and we would continue shopping (and EATING) and then head back to my friend's home, and I would decide from there if I were up to the 2 hour drive home that night, or I would drive to work from his place the next morning.
So, now, the only reason all of this is germane to this blog is I had mentioned my appointments multiple times in passing to my mother, usually in reference to my desire to begin running again. I also decided to call her Tuesday morning (unusual since I called her on Monday morning) and to tell her again that I was A) Leaving for my friend's after work; B) I had a call that I would not be available 'on the road' just in case she had ideas of a captive audience; and C) that I would be unavailable for the remainder of the week, most likely until Friday afternoon.
I get a text from one of office folks after 6:30pm last night. My hoarding mother had called the office, catching this person as she walked out the door (she normally leaves at 5pm or so). She did not ask for me, did not appear to listen to when my coworker answered and introduced herself by first name, asking for this coworker (who has worked with me for 10 years now) and merely giving her (my mother's) first name. When that did not bring down the confetti and party favors of recognition, she said 'Lisabeth's mother'. She asked if I was okay and/or in town and alluded to 'she knows we sometimes get into things together' (she does not know SHIT). She stated I 'call her every day' (untrue) She stated that she was 'forgetful' and I might have told her... My coworker told her politely that I was out of town, she was not sure where, perhaps a conference. She ended the call, and I called her back as soon as I got her text. Needless to say, after her other stunts of calling my work and confusing/scaring my staff, she knows she is NOT to call work. But she did anyway. My friend and his mother made several observations:
Setting the stage for this... Because I had multiple appointments, one considered a cardiovascular procedure, I had to have a driver for the second day. The hospital I receive care from is about two hours away from home. I had to work the day prior to the two days of appointments, and I have a friend who lives an hour and half from work, and about two hours away from the hospital as well, but was willing to take me for my appointments. So... The plan was that I would leave work at 5ish, take a conference call that would last most of the way to my friend's, stay the night there, and then we would leave his home at 8am to make my first appointment with my surgeon, then roll across town to another campus to meet my new specialist, then spend a lovely day shopping and eating at great seafood places. I made reservations for a lovely historic inn that was close to the waterfront, and the next morning we had to be at a third hospital location for my testing at 7:30am, and we would continue shopping (and EATING) and then head back to my friend's home, and I would decide from there if I were up to the 2 hour drive home that night, or I would drive to work from his place the next morning.
So, now, the only reason all of this is germane to this blog is I had mentioned my appointments multiple times in passing to my mother, usually in reference to my desire to begin running again. I also decided to call her Tuesday morning (unusual since I called her on Monday morning) and to tell her again that I was A) Leaving for my friend's after work; B) I had a call that I would not be available 'on the road' just in case she had ideas of a captive audience; and C) that I would be unavailable for the remainder of the week, most likely until Friday afternoon.
I get a text from one of office folks after 6:30pm last night. My hoarding mother had called the office, catching this person as she walked out the door (she normally leaves at 5pm or so). She did not ask for me, did not appear to listen to when my coworker answered and introduced herself by first name, asking for this coworker (who has worked with me for 10 years now) and merely giving her (my mother's) first name. When that did not bring down the confetti and party favors of recognition, she said 'Lisabeth's mother'. She asked if I was okay and/or in town and alluded to 'she knows we sometimes get into things together' (she does not know SHIT). She stated I 'call her every day' (untrue) She stated that she was 'forgetful' and I might have told her... My coworker told her politely that I was out of town, she was not sure where, perhaps a conference. She ended the call, and I called her back as soon as I got her text. Needless to say, after her other stunts of calling my work and confusing/scaring my staff, she knows she is NOT to call work. But she did anyway. My friend and his mother made several observations:
- Why did she not just call me to start with?
- Why did she not call either or both days to check in how my appointments went and how I was?
- If she was so concerned about me, and felt she had to call my office, why did she not ask for me? The coworker was the only person there, so she did not call earlier or talk to someone else.
I was flat pissed. I felt okay after dinner with my friends, so I went home. I talked with a couple of friends via bluetooth in my car who all pointed out the same things that I mentioned above, unsolicited. I waited until this morning (Friday) to call my hoarding mother, and she said "wondered where you were, have not heard from you in several days and you usually call every day." I reminded her that I simply DO NOT CALL EVERY DAY (like 3 times a week at most and she complains vociferously to whomever will listen that I do not call enough) and I had told her on Tuesday morning that I was going to be unavailable, and I had mentioned it before since everything was scheduled in August. She said she remembered something about a test, but she did not know that I was out of town, and she said she had not talked to me since (an event- the state police were conducting a registration check so I ended my call with her to attend to that) that was Friday or Monday and I corrected her that it was Monday, but we talked Tuesday and I told her. She then started harping on the coworker she called and asked for 'sounded too young' to be who she thought it was and was using depersonalizing language like 'that person' and 'that person who claimed to be...' and intimated that someone was merely playing games with her. She got really defensive when I advised if she was concerned she could have called me. It was straight out of the twilight zone.
I got off the phone when she switched as to how the neighbor broke her light on the garage and all the paranoid stuff she goes through....
My friend owes me $20. We had a friendly wager, and I do not normally gamble. She thought my mother would ask how I was, and how the tests went- even if delayed. She did NOT. Hoarding- no one wins. No one. Have a great evening!
UPDATE- the next morning, which is a Saturday, she called my cell phone all-a-flutter at 8:30am. My coworker (the same as mentioned above) and I were enroute to an event we had to staff, but she did not know that. A ground delivery company had left a note that a delivery had been attempted. She called the delivery company and grilled them, and got the sender information. I looked it up for her, and it is a marketing company, so it is most likely something from AARP or some crap she has signed up for to get a 'free' premium of some sort. I let her know that it was not anything 'nefarious' and she needed to decide what she wanted to do, I was out. I ended the call.
Ai yi yi.
UPDATE- the next morning, which is a Saturday, she called my cell phone all-a-flutter at 8:30am. My coworker (the same as mentioned above) and I were enroute to an event we had to staff, but she did not know that. A ground delivery company had left a note that a delivery had been attempted. She called the delivery company and grilled them, and got the sender information. I looked it up for her, and it is a marketing company, so it is most likely something from AARP or some crap she has signed up for to get a 'free' premium of some sort. I let her know that it was not anything 'nefarious' and she needed to decide what she wanted to do, I was out. I ended the call.
Ai yi yi.
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