Saturday, July 5, 2014
The date is set, and I told her... Anticlimactic thus far...
In my last post I shared that I have an incisional hernia from my major surgery last August. I was upset, discouraged, you-name-it... but I am also grateful that I squeaked by with no cancer, no colostomy, and I survived the tumor and its removal. If this is the continued price I pay, so be it.
I had my surgeon's consult on the 26th of June, and my surgery is set for July 10th. As in next Thursday. The surgeon hopes he can do it laparoscopically, but previous surgeries and endometriosis scarring may make this impossible. If they can insert the mesh behind the muscle and close the hole, I will be off work 2 weeks and on restriction for 3-5 weeks. If they have to open me up, then it is 6-8 weeks out with another 2-3 months of recuperation. It is going to be anyone's guess whether I will be able to run the 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles) in mid September. I will not push myself too much (again) but I will give it my all. I do not want to be knocked out of this yet a third time. I am so damn disappointed. The surgeon did grudgingly allow me to resume the stair climber, flat running, and cautioned me to not do anything core that would risk incarceration/strangulation of the lump. I am feeling tired, sore, and I have to keep pushing 'George' back in. I hope they do not have to do a resection as much as George likes to show himself! I am not as upset/freaked as I was, I just want this over, OVER and I have so much work stuff to get done. I know recovery will be painful, and I will need to take care of myself and actually accept help. Another life lesson...
So late last week I decided to tell my hoarding mother. Based on the uncertainty of the surgery and hospitalization (day to a few days) and the recovery time at home, I felt I had to in order to make my life a bit easier. So I just told her. She sputtered a bit, asked a few questions on the order of "Did your belly [do this or that]" and immediately began to talk about her stomach and abdominal woes. Not unsurprising, and when she attempted to engage in story time for the 549,349,227th time about her umbilical hernia repair in 1976 I got off the phone. We are on the low contact (for her) plan of 3-5 times per week, so I did not talk to her for a few days, and when I have, she has not mentioned it all.
Has not asked how I am feeling. Has not asked how work is progressing since this is a horrible time to be out with the end of the fiscal year here. Reporting, budget woes, and it has been extremely stressful and demanding at work. Has not asked where my surgery will be, has not asked who will take me. I am not saying anything else, as the less detail the better, but I am sure she is gearing up for the interrogatories and the inappropriate and dire medical pronouncements.
I am not a child. I do not need a 'Mommy' and truthfully, I never had one. It just is sad. Very sad, and I know that, based on her last behavior when I was hospitalized and the fact that I do not have a significant other to run interference, she will repeat it in some form. That behavior will not go well for her, not at all.
I might be off the grid for a while, as I suspect I will not be up to spending a lot of time at the computer. Thank you for reading, and I will be back online with an update just as soon as possible.
Thank you for reading!