My hoarding mother's neighbor called me today. Asked if I have spoken to my mother recently, and proceeded to tell me that she has concerns regarding my mother's deteriorating mental health, outlook, and has concerns that she may be in early stage dementia. My mother will be... 78? 79? For the sake of conversation let's say 79 on Christmas Day.
I have noticed the decline, the increase in revisionist history, and what seems to be increasing forgetfulness in our 3 or so phone calls a week.
I also know that there is nothing that I can, or she will allow me to do, that will help this situation. It is simply heartbreaking.
The neighbor stated, "I hate to say this, but it would be easier on you, on her, on EVERYONE if she just drops over dead rather than requiring placement in a facility for care."
No pressure. Ugh. I cannot do anything, and I will not be sucked into this. Unfortunately my mother made many decisions years ago that will adversely impact her now. Decisions like:
- Driving everyone away who has ever cared about her or tried to help
- Isolating herself behind a level 5 hoard and time after time, choosing the stuff and her need for power and control over addressing her issues
- Using me for narcissistic supply if I would allow her to- she sees me only as an extension of herself, not as the individual with rights and feelings that I am