Friday, January 29, 2016

The Narcissism of the Hoarding Mindset

It is one of those deals where you laugh and find humor in the situation or you may start screaming and not be able to stop...  

Last weekend parts of the eastern United States had significant snowfall.  Facebook in all its irreverence hyped it to be Snowzilla and other such simpering titles.

We had lots of notice, and is my hoarding mother's custom, she has a problem for every solution, and cannot get out of her own way to get most any mundane thing done.  

She kept saying she needed to go to the pharmacy for her meds, her cat's meds (who has glaucoma and heart issues) and groceries/sundries.

Guess what she did?  If you guessed NOTHING... you would be correct.  She did nothing.  And now she is 'stuck'.  

She refuses to ask her one neighbor to pick up her prescriptions 'because they won't let you do that!'  She refuses to ask her for a ride and won't really state why, instead ruminating on a neighbor who is in the hospital and how she had asked her to help her... um... she is in the freaking HOSPITAL!  

She is still pontificating on the recently paved sections of the road... And saying really nutty things like depersonalizing the neighbor by calling him 'the asshole' and making fun of him for removing the snow from the paved portion of the road, railing they they blew the snow from the snow blower against her fence and she was TRAPPED IN HER YARD!  She said, "I wish someone would lock him in his house without a phone and..." before I cut her off.

They got about 17 inches, which is significant.  The other piece that is amusing, we got over 3 feet in our area.  And it is not a contest.  But... it is amazing to hear her go on and on about how horrible it is and yadda, yadda, yadda.  Um... it is what it is.  We will be inconvenienced for a while.  And it is not the 'snow oppression Olympics' but she will ask a question always prefaced with "Up there" and when I remind her that yes, whatever happened here too since we got over 36 inches she will peevishly say thing like "well the news said [her state] got hit the hardest!"  No, it did not.  Or things like "parts of [her state] got over 40 inches!"  Yeah.  In the bedroom communities near DC.  She just cannot acknowledge that things were tough here as well, and we are all dealing as best we can, and each place has unique challenges.  Someone else's experience does not diminish one's own... unless you are so unable to see anyone as having individual experiences and they only exist as supporting actors in your own Lifetime Network drama/movie.  

I just have to laugh.  And because I am evil, I have to poke her with it once in a while.  The mental acrobatics are something to watch.

And each conversation she is complaining she does not have food, medicine, etc.  I do not offer any solutions as she shoots everything down.  Yesterday she was going to try to get the car out, and decided not to because there was 'activity' at the hated neighbor's house in the turn.  Translation, he was home and she does want him to see her leave because she accuses him of stealing, breaking in her house and loosening lightbulbs, stealing her notes to herself, and even putting snake poop in her basement.  

You cannot make this stuff up.

Have a great weekend!  Thank you for reading...


  1. Oh, dear--yes, I'm familiar with the 'problem for every solution.' My mom gets a case of the 'yes, buts' whenever I give advice about the many obstacles she puts in her own way. The last rant was about taxes and how she wouldn't go to an accountant to help her, because she won't have her information on the internet and 'they all do that.' But it's not fair that her hand written form should take so long to process. I tried to reason with her "well if you choose to ride a horse into town, would it be unfair that someone in a car gets there faster?" No answer. Paranoid, OCD, anxiety disorder--and refuses to even talk about it. No one wins--you can only stop playing the game.

  2. Yeah, what's with these pee-pulls refusal to grow up and get with the times! Ugh ;/

  3. Oh Lisbeth! You have had a time of it. I totally understand your leanings to break ties completely, it’s a defense. As I've mentioned, I did it for ten years - I had to! I needed an education and she derailed me so often it interfered with my learning. The ONLY reason I have any contact now is because I have three baby sisters (baby! ha! They are now 42, 43 and 44). This last year mom has begun sliding into dementia and meanness is growing. Again, I’ve told my sisters “do whatever YOU think is right and I will support you emotionally. You do not want to hear what I would do with her.”

    I really do think it might be in your best health interest to try not to speak to your mother, aunt and narcisster (love that btw). I know you know this but please listen to the stranger from Dallas. Focus on you. Make your time all about you. Healing is everything and those three women don’t care if you are ok. Listening to their self-created problems is a virus that can hurt you. You mentioned getting a therapist for yourself. PLEASE DO! It was the single best thing I ever did for me. Because I learned how to not carry my mother’s accusations. Your head is so much better than mine about all this (I would lose my mind every time I had contact with my mother) but a little training might really help.

    You are lovely lovely person. I tell the step son every night “think happy thoughts and have happy dreams.” Please take care of you. You are the most important person you will ever meet.

    Hoarding. No one wins. No one.

  4. I hope we haven't heard from you because you're spending your time focussing on you and your awesome life Lisbeth. Check in when you can, if only to let us know you are ok.

  5. Valerie, Sue, Lisa and Malady:

    Thank you so much for your support and comments. You each help in my journey more than I can express. I am doing well, I was shocked that almost 2 months has elapsed from my last post, I have let work pull me into the rabbit-hole, but I am doing well. The struggle with my mother continues, but I am working to protect myself and to continue to set boundaries.