FTMOAH- from the mouth of a hoarder...

So it's been much too long since I've captured the inaneness of from the mouth of a hoarder.
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She seldom asks me how I'm doing, and those readers that remember I have terminal brain cancer so things are up-and-down and I'm on maintenance chemotherapy.
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"Do you have any moles?   No?   Well I just think that you would have got some when what happened to you..."

"Someone pried the garage door and broke it just so it was destroyed. I took nearly an hour to fix it, but I swear I will break their hands..."

"There is somebody in my house at the same time that I am here. Just to let me know that they can..."

"I know that stuff has been messed with and removed just to spite me and then it is replaced with junk.  My air-conditioner was replaced with the junk unit...

Hoarding, no one wins...

And the answer is....

So, for you first time readers, or readers that have not caught up, I am having a health crisis, and despite my negotiation of a severance package being active, my former employer has chosen to dis-enroll me as of Monday without informing me, I learned of it Tuesday afternoon from another provider...

Continued cruelty, but I have come to expect no mercy.

So I informed my mother who hoards...

And she used it to launch into a rant about herself...

Yeah.  Really.

Humor that does not include my mother...

So... Been way too serious... Time for a brief bit of levity...

So, as you know I moved SOUTH.  I have mostly enchanted by the lizards, frogs, and what-not down here.  I am not anymore.  Remind me to tell you about my baboons-in-South-Africa story sometime...

Anyway, I stopped for gas on my way to work, and I did not take the time to shut the sunroof.  I got gas, admiring the pretty little lizards with yellow heads and orange tails.  You see where this going don't you?  They frolicked about, and some were quite large, 5-6 inches or so. I finished gassing up and went on my way.

I caught movement out my corner of my eye, and I looked, nothing.  I thought I saw something again, but saw nothing.  Now, I have recently had a stroke and TIAs, so I dismissed it as my brain playing tricks on me.

A lizard landed on the console and began hissing at me.  I  decided FUCK THAT NOISE I AM OUT!  I put the SUV in Park and bailed out.  In rush hour traffic in a congested area...  

So, I am contemplating what to do, and turning the SUV and it's requisite payment over to Mr. Lizard looks good when a gentleman stops to help.  He opens the door and the lizard jumps on him and he freaks and shuts the door, the lizard still inside.  He tries again and screams at me to open the passenger door... NO WAY THAT THING IS COMING OUT AT ME!  I refuse.  He releases the hatch, and the lizard gets going while the getting's good.  I thank the gentleman profusely, and get back in and continue my commute. I did
pull over and look through my SUV to ensure the lizard did not have a companion... 

I hit Starbucks for a drink even though I was late for work.

I later learned those lizards are invasive and BITE.  Oh, and  they hiss.  But I already had figured that out.

LIZARDS SUCK.

My 'sine curve' of a life!

Oh what a whirlwind it has been!  To catch you all up:

• I was hit by a hit-and-run driver.  The driver was not found.
• I had a wonderful 50th birthday party put on by my dear friends.
• I interviewed the next day by flying out to the west coast and withstood a 10 hour interview process.
• I did not get the job, as they wanted someone local and not as expensive.
• I found out my car was totaled.  And my insurance company totally screwed me over.
• I went ahead and bought the gorgeous SUV I put a deposit on.
• I started a 'survival job' in sales.  Four weeks in, 100 miles on my SUV a day, and I have received ZIP in commission. Nada.
• I interviewed down south, and they have made an attractive offer.  If details can be worked out, the kitties and I will be in a little slice of paradise near the beach.  I have found some place I want to live, discussed breaking my lease, and other logistics.  Now if we can work final details out...
• My 17 year old cat had to emergency surgery.  Two weeks later, she is at the vet's tonight, she has to have a repeat of the surgery.
• I have been in physical therapy for a painful and tenacious achilles tendon injury on my right foot.  I fell taking the trash to the dumpster (and had to dumpster dive in a FULL dumpster when I accidentally threw my keys in said dumpster).  I sprained my ankle and broke my foot.  Now I have PT for the other leg.
• I have had a major illness flare.
• Two of my dearest friends are getting married.
• A friend I have only met via FaceTime will be visiting from Australia.

I could go on, but you get the idea.  What does this have to do with my hoarding mother you ask?  Everything.  And nothing.  She has lived in the same place and risks NOTHING.  I have learned from her, and I do not want to spend time just trudging through life only to reach the end and think 'what if'.  I want to live, really live, all of it.  Take the risks, and focus on experiences and that I care about.  And I do, and I will.  

Good night!

At long last- From The Mouth Of A Hoarder... (FTMOAH!)

Oh my GAWD.   You cannot make this stuff up...  Just this week on FTMOAH...
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Talking about her nasty feet and her unwillingness to allow anyone address her tallus [sic] calluses and her plantar calluses... "... and I showed the nurse what I did and she just looked at me and looked at me and said she had never seen anyone that did that [preening like she did something ground breaking] and I showed her how this fit perfectly in my shoes and I cut the padding so I could roll it up..."

What padding?  What are you talking about?

"I can buy them at Walmart for $4.  The things you stick in your underwear to catch moisture..."

Sanitary pads?  

"I guess that is what you could call them..."
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Since I am not working right now, she seems to think that I am available 24/7, and she will call from a blocked number (which I never answer) and then she will unblock and call me repeatedly until I answer, hanging up and calling immediately.  I am going to have to mute repeated calls from the same number...

WHAT!?!

"Well, you don't have to be so nice, I am not sick, but I need an answer to something..."

What is it ... (This a Sunday night BTW)

"I saw an advertisement in AARP and they have a 'Jitterbug phone'.  Didn't you say one of the folks at the office had one that they wanted to get rid of?"

The office I do not work at anymore?  The thing I mentioned in passing over 11 years ago?  That thing?

"I was just asking!..."

She is DRIVING ME NUTS.  She has to get a new phone because her flip phone that she bought 10 years ago or so is dying.  She is considering buying an iPhone.  I suspect she won't, but ye gods...
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"Let me ask you a question..."

Do I have a choice?

"[Goes on like she did not hear me....] Do you have a lot of moles on your body?"

NO.  No.  And we have talked about this 5 million times.  And I am not discussing this....

"Why are some red and some brown?"
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Hoarding, no one wins.   No one.

A few weeks in the cyclone of the tornado...

What a few weeks it has been.  

I left my job, resigned without notice a couple of weeks ago.  The hardest thing I have ever done, but it had to be done.  The past two weeks have been full of discovery.  Some pleasant, some unpleasant, and some introspection.  There has been a lot of betrayal and malice that led to my resigning, there have been subsequent betrayals, and there are the ancillary betrayals...  But there have been the unexpected support from unexpected places, and that is what I focus on, not the people who, directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally, fell a bit short.  I have cut out any social media feeds that would give me information about my old organization, directly or indirectly.  I wish them the best and much success.  I have moved on.

Shortly after I quit my job, (like three days after) my dear friend ended up in CCU on life support and initially, was not expected to live, and if so, she would most likely be an amputee as her legs were not getting sufficient blood flow, despite being on an ECMO protocol.  She is getting incrementally better, but it will be a LONG recovery for her.  When I heard the news, I sobbed.  I have every day that I can, and I will continue to do so.

I got away for five days and visited a southern state, and I needed that.  I was a hot mess and still so raw, not sleeping at all - and what I did not recognize initially as anxiety reared its head.  I had a series of panic attacks riding down, and things were okay the rest of the trip, but a couple of days later it was back.  (I know realize that many were prompted by folks talking about my former job generically, as I was clear to all parties that I did not want specifics or to speculate...) I did not sleep at all Monday night, and even when I was trying to eat I had to get up and move, and was feeling extremely claustrophobic.  That is why I did not recognize the feeling as panic attacks, as I attributed no emotion to them, I did not feel a sense of impending doom, and generally I am not prone to depression or anxiety.  Tuesday was full of feeling claustrophobic and I even had to put down my soup I was eating for lunch and walk around.  I decided that this could be a possibility, and I know that it is situational, and I know that exercise is the most underutilized antidepressant and anti-anxiety remedy.  I was finishing my cool-down after a run on the treadmill at the gym, and I had the mother of all panic attacks.  I left the gym quickly and driving seemed to help.   My neighbor stopped me to tell me he was moving, and he asked if I were on vacation.  I told him I had resigned, and he talked about a similar situation he experienced 15 years ago and about the depression and anxiety he faced, and to not let it impact me like it impacted him.  I felt another wave of claustrophobia coming on, so I excused myself and I ran in my place to get my insurance card and to call my doctor.  I could not make sense of the voicemail menu, so I decided to drive across the highway to his office.  By the time I got there, I was a sobbing mess.  Luckily he had an appointment cancel, and he could see me. I was prescribed a low dose of a SSRI daily, with the intent of weaning off in a month or so, and also a med for anxiety as needed.  I have done well, and the panic attacks are not happening now.  I consider that a win, because I would not have asked for help and would have just powered through at one time.  

Financially I am okay, and I have several months before I have jump back in.  I am looking now, but I have the luxury of being selective.  

I am setting structure to my days, exercising, doing things around my place, going to visit my friend in CCU, and going to a coffee shop and working.  I have a panel presentation next month, and I remain on a couple of boards.  I do most of my job hunting from the coffee shop and most of my applying from home in the evenings.  I plan on losing the 30 lbs that working 70-80 hours helped me gain.  

My cats are thriving, and I am reconnecting with friends that I have neglected for the last 18 months or better.  Tonight a friend asked what was different about me, that I looked rested, glowing, and like I had had a face lift.  I told her I had left my job, and she was happy for me.  The consensus of group I was out with was 'GOOD'.

I am about to embark on a new chapter, and it is exciting and terrifying all at the same time.  And my hoarding mother?  She is back to her repertoire of usual subjects.  The neighbor that is harassing her.  Poop.  Moles.  General paranoias.  I have ceased to be a focus since I am not discussing the specifics of what led me to quit my job, and am not telling her a whole lot of detail about anything.

Onward and upward...

She had a glimmer...

I think 2019 is my year for saying 'enough'.  It is not even 6 weeks in and I have set some strong boundaries with a few folks that needed it, and I resigned my position today, without notice, as things had devolved until I was in most untenable situation and was being treated in an hostile, unprofessional, and abusive manner.  I am sad because I love the agency, the people we serve, and my dedicated staff, but I could not stand one more moment.  

I finally shared with my hoarding mother about Tuesday or Wednesday of this week.  She was so angry, but supportive.  I was shocked.  She offered to let me stay at her home and acknowledged it was beyond her.  (I will pass... But appreciated the thought.)  Today was the day.  She then used things as a springboard to talk about work issues from 50 years ago...

At least there was a glimmer.  I have ugly cried all day, and I need to get myself together as a friend is picking me up to go to another friend's art showing.

Have a good weekend.

It is time for... From The Mouth Of A Hoarder...

So she has been a LOT worse lately... 'She' being my hoarding mother.

She was talking about petting her one cat (that is about 9 or so) and after a painful, weird, and convoluted-verbal-vomit salad she finally came to the point to the story, one of the cat's canine teeth is broken off.  She then started railing against her estranged sister who she last had in her home summer of 2000.  That is right. Eighteen and half years ago.  She began with the accusation that her sister shut a cat that I grew up with in the door, and ranted that it probably happened at the same time and... 

I cut her off.  I am not even going into that people are not singular natured- if she decides she is done, then the person is the most horrible person ever...  Ugh.  

The cat she was accusing her sister of harming was a kitten when I was twelve.  She died at 21 years of age.  So I was 33.  I am now nearly 50.  So, 17 years ago.  And the alleged injury was discovered probably 5-7 years before that, but after her blow up with her sister she decided it was her.  I broke it down for her like that.  She de-escalated briefly, but then told me tale of the tail (see what I did there?) word for word.  

I also pointed out that her current kitty has been to the vet recently, and that would have been noticed as the gum is swollen.  

She demurred and changed the subject.  That poor cat.  I keep asking her when she is taking it to the vet.   Every time I talk to her...   Now, there is a possibility that none of this is true.  That makes it so hard.  

She is having cataract surgery at the end of the month.  Bet that will be fun for the neighbor (her new wonderful stranger and I suspect, flying monkey).  I hate to tell her, the fall from the pedestal is a hard and fast one.  With that being said, I am glad she has someone to take her.   

Hoarding, no one wins.  No one.  

It is past due! From the Mouth of a Hoarder...

I have to laugh or I would scream...  FMTOAH time!  I have called my hoarding mother twice since last week.  Oy, why do I do this to myself?  Anyway... Here it goes!
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HM:  So, what has your experience been with ground turkey?  I saw a recipe on 'Cooking Light' and [nattering insufferably about how skeptical she is to whether that will be 'right' despite the fact she cannot cook due to her microwave and oven being out of order and her range top hoarded solid...]
Me:  :::Stunned silence:::
HM:  Well?
Me:  Um... You do remember that I have a Type I allergy to turkey and capon, right?  
HM:  What does that mean?  <Harrumphing>
Me:  That I have to have an double epi pen because I go into an anaphylactic reaction...
HM:  I don't remember THAT.

Now, I have had issues as a child with severe facial swelling, and it was around holiday time but no one toppled to the connection (or no one cared enough to try).  One of my few last visits to her house (1997 or so) she fed me turkey loaf... Cooked lovingly in the microwave.  I had a severe reaction with my face, lips and throat swelling. I looked like Quasimodo, and I nearly died.  I had continued exposure, and it only got worse.  SHE WITNESSED THE START OF IT.  Now I know that the weird, 'sudden' allergies are part of my overall condition (actually a co-morbidity) caused by Mast Cell Activation.  This has been a 'thing' for over 20 years of my life.

HM:  So you don't know whether ground turkey is good in that or not?
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HM:  I keep meaning to ask... You have several degrees, right?
Me:  What?
HM:  You have multiple degrees on something right?  You finished school for something or something?
Me:  Yes, you were at my graduation for my undergrad.  [I tell her my degrees, and licensure].
HM:  Someone asked me, and I could not remember...  
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Yeah.  I am not important in her life, but I knew that already.  Thank goodness for friends who are family and my furry family.

Thank you for reading!!!

A snow day in the northeast!

I am at home, working from home.  My little feline loves are quite happy!  My newest kitty (the one that is 17-20 years old) has had a health crisis, and unfortunately, one that may result in kidney failure.  I am doing everything humanly possible, and she is improving.  We take it one day at a time.  That is all we can do.

So... My hoarding mother.  She cannot get out of her own way to save her life.  Not much changes, and I fear the house conditions continue to deteriorate.  She did get the roof replaced this month, only 3-4 YEARS after the hail damage.  She- in discussing other things- has disclosed that:

1. Her dishwasher no longer works.
2. Her microwave no longer works, and she has a new one that 'she cannot get out of the box or lift onto the counter' so she cannot use it.
3. Her washing machine no longer works.  And she is not always continent and has C-Diff.
4. Her A/C does not work.
5. Her refrigerator is on its last legs.
6. Her oven no longer works.
7. Her hot water tank will not kick off 'vacation mode'.  

I am sure there are other things, but when I last saw her house in 2010 (and I had not been in the house since 2000 the time before) it was firmly a Level 5 hoard, and a Level 9 on the Clutter Image Rating.  It has not gotten any better.  For folks that hoard, it seldom does.  Especially when other mental health issues, like Narcissistic Personality Disorder, are present.  Her cruelty and pettiness are absolutely breaktaking.  Her lack of boundaries knows no limits.  I continue low, low contact.  I plan on not ever setting foot in that house again, and I will never see her in person again.  That is what I have to do to keep me healthy.

She is aware that I am going through the diagnostic process of something.  I will not tell her what, because she has often stated directly "I want to know what is wrong with you because I am sure it is wrong with me, too."  No, it isn't.  I am finalizing a process that has been years in undertaking, and I just now need to figure out genetic markers and co-morbidities, but basically, I have a genetic connective tissue condition that is degenerative.  I will most likely end up disabled, and organ failure and other charming things will be a challenge.  I am lucky that my progression has been slow, most folks are disabled in their 20's or 30's, and I am 49.  I still run, but I struggle to do so.  My sub 10 minute miles are now sub 15.  I have gained some weight, and my fine motor skills are noticeably impacted.  I am losing the ability to write legibly in longhand, even to sign my name. I had something happen, and long story short I was asked to not get a hotel room at a conference and drive it every day, about an hour each way.  The first day was a 12 hour day, and I nearly wrecked several times going home because I was so exhausted that I was having trouble keeping my car in lane that was a long term construction project.  I was in a single lane surrounded by Jersey barriers.  Do to some unfortunate disclosures by folks that should have known better, it became 'a thing' the next day when I delayed my arrival a bit because I needed to rest, and I was unable to attend the third day.  I was not ready to disclose, and I had that choice removed.

Now, I have had times where I have been really, really impacted, but I have always rebounded.  I hope, hope, HOPE I can do it again.  But I fear that I have fallen so fast and hard, I am unlikely to rebound to the level I had.  This my be my new normal, I fear.  And the pain has gotten worse.  But, I take no prisoners, and make no concessions.   I will NOT let this thing define me.  Where this relates to my hoarding mother is although I do not tell her much, some of it seeps out.  Most mothers know if something is not right.  She is oblivious, and if she did know, she would make it all about her in some way.  No thank you.

I have been working 70-80 hour weeks.  No exaggeration.  She is aware that my organization is struggling to recover.  She does not ask about anything or offer empathy.  She is aware that I will, most likely, be saying goodbye to another furbaby.  She does not ask anything helpful or offer encouragement.  And I do not expect it from her.  I am struggling to wrap my mind around the (potential) enormity of my diagnosis.  This may change to trajectory of my career, and of my life.  I had a gentleman express interest in me, and ask me out.  I have not responded, but I don't think so.  Between work, health, and cats... I do not have much bandwidth.  I know I have dropped from most of my friend's sights, as I do when I am dealing with something, but I just do not have much to offer right now.  I will bounce back, but I know the self isolation is not good for me, but I am in harness, at least for a while, with a grinding work schedule.  I did not make plans to visit friends due to work and my sick cat, but a friend surprised me and is coming to visit.  We will have a lovely Friendsgiving holiday, and another dear friend made plans to share the day as well, so it will be the three of us.  

That sounds perfect...

I will be okay.  No matter what happens with health or any other challenge, I will land on my feet.  But sometimes, that is an isolating and exhausting 'superpower'.

Hoarding... No one wins.  No one.

Thanks for reading.

And I went to ground again. Some lessons I must learn over and over...

Thank you for those who checked in via comments, emails, and the like.  It has been a busy two months, and I do what I normally do when life turns up the heat.  I 'go to ground' to mix analogies.  

I am not sure where to start.  I guess with a personal update, then onward to stuff with my hoarding mother.  Long story short, I had a long email and phone conversation with my new specialist after the disastrous appointment in December.  I felt she really heard me, and she scheduled more testing.  The medicine prescribed was AWFUL, and caused a headache within an hour of taking it, and it lasted two to four hours, then I would take the pill again.  I felt really rough.  I had my tests, and one was so invasive and so foul that they intentionally do not tell patients what it entails until you get there.  I also learned that I am still extremely claustrophobic.  I had a major freak out in an MRI, and managed to get through the test through sheer force of will alone.  My latest appointment with the specialist was a week and half ago, and she took me off the awful med with the horrid side effects (including headache and weight gain) and she has referred me to another specialist/surgeon, for physical therapy and biofeedback, and to specialized clinics and the genetics clinic.  I will not be seeing this doctor again as she has gone as far as she can, it is now up to the other specialists.  I feel so much better sans GI medication, and I am increasing my mileage slowly to get into my training groove.  

Now- from my hoarding mother.  Some areas of the northeast have had significant rainfall, snow, spring-like temperatures, and snow... Lather, rinse repeat.  Due to this, her area has HEAVY flooding.  She called today to ask why I thought water was coming up through the floor in her basement.  Apparently she called a home improvement store first and got angry when they were not helpful.  I advised her it was due to the flooding and melting, and she had a fatalistic attitude about it 'why should I even bother' when I told her she would need to toss anything that the water came into contact with.  She also stated that the hated neighbor in the turn has broken into the garage and taken the fusebox and the electrical panel.  I asked how anything electrical like lights or the garage door is opening.  She changed the subject.

She has been on a paranoid tear lately.  She tortured the Sheriff's Department in her area wanting to talk to the Sheriff, and finally settled to the Lieutenant.  She was angry and cursing him, stating he was condescending and did not believe her.  She blew up at me because she determined I had a different car because 'it sounded different'.  I had an SUV from the dealership (actually, the sales manager's $100K SUV that is self driving, etc.) because I hit some furniture after dark on the highway and did a significant amount of damage to my car, some covered by insurance.  She was furious I had not said anything about the accident to her, and she kept demanding to know how it happened.  Later, when they had to keep my car a few days longer since they found additional damage, she was giving unsolicited advice and opinions and then started saying things like 'is that why they gave you that SUV?  They have so many things wrong with their cars? ' and similar crap.  Um... NO, the SUV was a favor since their loaners were all out and they were trying to save me a rental fee and the car did not break- I CRASHED IT!  Her sense of entitlement to preferential treatment is astounding.   I was grateful, she was angry they did not do more or lie to the insurance company about a motor mount they had to replace while in there.  My car is back, and is good as new.  

She has been excessively horrible.  Smugly criticizing the neighbors for their wet basements and stating 'she has never had a problem' which is not true. but in the 50 years it has happened maybe twice, and then happened today.  She criticized a neighbor stating 'her pets do not last very long' and touting her pet's longevity, and then she suddenly lost one at 8 years old with a spinal stroke.  She continues to talk about horrible skin and body issues, and she lost more teeth, and only has nine in her head now, and may lose two more soon.  She also contracted C-Diff, and she has no sense of TMI.  C-Diff in a hoarding, 81 year woman is going to be hard to get rid of.  I could fill pages with the ableist, classist, racist, heteronormative and cisnormative crap she spews.  She absolutely exhausts me.

I have been limiting contact, and doing a lot of 'grey rock' with her.  Not that I would tell her, and not that she asks, but I have my own stuff to deal with, and life is not a bed of roses right now.  Work is busy, challenging, wonderful yet ROUGH, and I work 12 to 16 hours day Monday through Friday, and work all day Saturday and part of the day Sunday.  

I have my new treadmill in my bedroom, so that gives me some additional ability to train when my schedule is tight.  I am so grateful to the friends who got it and brought it to me.

I have much to be grateful for.  Even challenges often have a flip side.  If life knocks me down 10 times, I will get up 11.  I learned much from my hoarding mother, and I developed a sense of resilience I might not otherwise had.  With that being said, I have to repeat... Hoarding, no one wins.  No one.  Have a great week everyone!

200th Post for Not My Hoarding Mother Blog!

Wow.  My blogging platform that I use let me know that 2 milestones have been reached this month as far as the blog... One is this is the 200th post, and the second is the blog has had over 100,000 views.  I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone that reads, that comments, that sends messages, that shares the Not My Hoarding Mother Blog.  I am overwhelmed.  

It is bittersweet, that I have had material to continue to write for these past few years.  I am so happy to have connected with other folks with parents that hoard, with parents that are narcissistic, and parents that have imparted trauma histories on them.  I wish none of us experienced this.  But we did experience it, and I hope this blog is about the journey of growth, healing, and some humor thrown in.  

Sharing last weeks 'From The Mouth Of A Hoarder' (FTMOAH) exchange... 

"What color is your garage door opener?"

What... Why?

"Just answer the question, I need to know."

<Sigh>  I think black or dark taupe, I do not know.  I know I have lived at my place for nearly 10 years, but I have never paid attention to it....

"What color is mine?"

I have no idea.  I am not sure I have seen the newer one you had installed several years ago.

"You mean when I was in the hospital you left my car outside?..."

No, I mean I did not look up at the thing, and I do not know when you replaced it... Why?

"Well, the panel was crooked, and ... Well, something is going on and I do not want to get into it..."

Okay <changes subject>

"...<Interrupting> Do you know where you buy those metal grates that look like cages to go over walk through doors..."

No I do not.  Gotta go!
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Okay, so I see where this is going.  She is apparently convincing herself that the 'hated neighbor' came in her garage and has switched out her garage door unit.

Ai yi yi.  For giggles I meant to look up at my garage door opener.  I have not.  I still do not know what color it is.  And I do not care...

Hoarding, no one wins.  No one!  Some good news, just had the 11 year anniversary at my job, and I run my first obstacle race tomorrow.  Hoping that goes well!  Have a great weekend everyone!

Day 4 Post Op for Lisabeth

Surgery was this past Monday, so this is day four post op.  This is the first time I have been at my computer, much to the upset of work colleagues and staff, but I have simply not felt up to it until now. I am doing really, really well, and the surgery was the best case scenario of the lowest invasiveness to remove the mass and the ovary, and it went absolutely flawlessly.  I got to go home the same day, and despite being in a lot of pain during the 2 hour trip home, I did well and only took two pain pills, one before bed and one at 3am.  I have not had any, not even tylenol or ibuprofen, since.  I am sore and swollen, but it has not been that bad. I am mainly just bored and antsy.  I feel well enough to buzz around my apartment some, but not well enough to do anything major or return to work.  I tire very easily, and I have had very close feline supervision from my cats.  My eldest has been glued to me every moment since I have returned home.  She is NOT going to be happy when I go back to work.  I think I will be able to drive this weekend, as I think I am to the point that stomping on the ground is a low pain affair.  I know my surgeons want me to wait until I see them again, but that is not happening as that is not until the 25th.  I also plan on returning to work part time and attending meetings local to my home next week.  I am on duty/weight restriction for 8 weeks, so no flying or heavy training.  The doctors are hedging telling me when I can start running again, but I intend to start walking again in the next few days, and I hope to run again by two weeks if I get (even a grudging) okay by the surgeons.  Eight weeks of no exercise and no work is simply NOT happening.  I will lose my mind.  I have learned lessons of the past (2013/2014) and will not push hard enough to rupture/herniate myself, but I am not one to take it easy.  I heard, and got, when my doctors told me that although they got all that laproscopically, that I had major surgery and to behave accordingly.  I am happy to see what I thought was mainly 'fat' around the middle was apparently water retention from whatever was happening.  I also know that the weight loss that is happening is also due to dramatic muscle loss.  Trying to NOT stress about that, but eating everything sweet that is not nailed down.  Oy yi yi.

Now that my pathetic whining is over, now to the hoarding mother.  I did not tell her surgery was happening, and I waited until the day after to call her.  I was very hoarse (due to irritation from the airway) so I could not play off things normally, so I told her.  She was was surprisingly chill, and resumed complaining about her lawnmower, neighbors, and other mundane issues.  I have not called her since, and she has not called me.  Not that I expected (nor wanted) anything remotely maternal, but WOW.  I may try to call her next week if I do not hear from her over the weekend.  Maybe.  She may be pouting for a number of reasons, some that may include:

1. She has seen Dr. Wednesday and she informed her I was in my hometown the weekend before and most likely showed her social media pictures of me there.
2. She is annoyed she was not told nor called after the surgery.
3. She is annoyed I have not called her to update her.
4. She is annoyed at any combination of 1-4, or all of the above.
5. She is annoyed at all, none, or any combination of the above plus anything else that has come to mind lately.

I have not given her a lot of thought, and I am grateful to my friends.  One friend took me the night before and stayed with me through the whole thing and brought me home.  A few other friends have stopped by to check in and take me to lunch or dinner, and etc.  One friend is coming to stay this weekend, and another is stopping by on her way back home to NC.  I am doing well at accepting what is offered, but still struggle with asking for what I need.  Sometimes progress comes in small steps!

I need to shower, and perhaps I will try a walk around my community while the property maintenance and management folks are buzzing around.  I may try driving tonight, or most likely, order take out via a delivery service.  Boredom will not kill me, however it IS killing my credit card as I seem to keep finding myself on Amazon.  BAD!  

Have a great day all, and thank you for thinking of me.  

Hoarding, no one wins... But some of us escape... Not necessarily unscathed, but we escape.

July 4th.... Independence Day

A lot to update on since the last entry!  I have been working a lot (shocker) and have been on the road a lot.  Since mid June I have been in Florida twice, New Orleans once, and some other overnight travels that have been a bit more local.  My cats are to the point when they see my tote or my overnight case they get very angry.  I hate being away, but I have a friend who provides them excellent cat sitting services, and they love her.

First, the health stuff.  Lots and lots of testing since early May, and in the past two weeks I have made the nearly 2 hour trek to the nationally acclaimed teaching hospital (NATH for short) 4 times.  I go back tomorrow.  This is what I know at this point.

1. The 'thing' in my pelvis is some sort of tumor attached to a small piece of the fallopian tube that apparently was left on my right ovary that has grown SOMETHING.  We have no reason to believe it is malignant (based on previous history) and in the past year it has not changed in size.  It is unclear if my remaining ovary is involved.
2. I go tomorrow to schedule surgery to remove this mass.  My doctor will have an gynecologic oncologist on call just as a precaution, but she believes it is not going to do anything else.  She also feels strongly that she can get it laproscopically without cutting my mesh incisional hernia repair.  I hope so.  If she cannot, I am going to not allow more invasive surgery unless they see something that it becomes essential.  
3. I will be off work 2 weeks, maybe, and have a recovery of 6 weeks.  
4. I am continuing the discussion that I want the ovary removed.  My doctor is really against that due to family history of osteopenia and osteoporosis and heart disease, but I am just a few years under the age for menopause, and if it is left, I will continue to have a figurative 'sword of Damocles' hanging over my head for the remainder of my life, and I can almost predict it is going to have to come out at some point.

We meet tomorrow, and discuss details and I believe I will be scheduling surgery at that point.  The fact I have had 3 invasive surgeries, much scar tissue, and horrible endometriosis is going to make this challenging.  If they are successful, it will be outpatient and I will go home that day.  I just have to figure out how I am getting there and back.  I also may hire a cleaning service short term.

I had my final follow up with my GI clinic doctor.  I was her last patient on her last day at the NATH.  She is returning to the midwestern state her family is from.  This was a mixed bag.  It appears that I am consistent with a diagnosis of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and furthermore, a mentor and colleague of hers is researching a new disease that they will be publishing soon.  EDS is much more than just hypermobility, it has mast cell activation, an auto immune component, GI issues, and for some, a vascular component.  This new thing is apparently 'Super EDS'.  The working name for it right now is 'joint hypermobility, autonomic dysfunction, gastrointestinal cluster syndrome.  (JHADGCS?)  I have more testing, one is a tilt table test (due to my little stunt that landed me in the ER in mid-May) in August that I will need to have someone go with me (I HATE THIS!) and I have nuclear testing in October that is over 4 days. 

My momentary reaction to this once I got in my car?  OH F*^& ME.  Due my own choices and behavior, I am very, very alone on this all.  No one's fault but mine.  The good news is I am glad to have an answer, and I am now in process to see the doctor who is publishing on this.  Not the answer I hoped for, and I guess I have to accept that, like it or not, I am chronically ill with an autoimmune and autonomic disorder.  I will continue to fight this with all I have, do my best to work out, run, push myself that way, eat well, and I have absolutely GOT to get my work/life balance under control, and I have got to get more than 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night.  HAVE TO.  This past weekend I was DOWN.  No energy, slept a lot.  I am still exhausted, but I am coming back up.  

Now, my hoarding mother.  She never asks about how I am feeling, only questions she can boomerang to talk about herself.  I answer things very generally, and am very evasive which makes her angry.  She has said to me again that she wants to know what I have because she is 'sure she has it'.  I did mention that I would be scheduling surgery and she immediately began to talk about her scaly heels and thick toenails.  Alrighty then!  Oy.

My HM has been just horrible  All the same things I have been talking about.  She lives in a self isolated, self encapsulated world where she cannot perceive of any other reality than her perception.  It is so sad.  

In mid-May I got really sick in an upscale restaurant and passed out in the bathroom.  I left the restaurant once I could and drove myself to the emergency room, upsetting and angering quite a few friends.  I again sent the message I did not want to, that I do not want support, that I do not trust people to do right by me.  I know my intent is to not inconvenience people unnecessarily, but I also know that I am going to go through this surgery and its aftermath relatively alone.  Someone will take me and bring me home, but if I have to stay in the hospital any length of time, it will be in a strange city two hours away, so even if someone was able to visit or wanted to stay to keep an eye on things, they would not be able to.  Oh well.  I did almost 4 days mostly alone in 2013, and I did the whole hospitalization in 2014 alone.  I got this.  But I have to do better, and I may need to continue to look at who I have chosen to surround myself with.

Lots of stressors right now.  My job is tough, with financial concerns coming from a contractual impasse that our major funder was involved in.  My board of directors fractured, and I will have a relatively new board and an all new executive committee.  Internal and programmatic challenges abound.  The person I was seeing resurfaced, and I went out with him in late May as a friend, only to be rewarded with being asked to be a 'friend with benefits'.  He has reached out three times more, twice to ask if I want to go X or Y with him, which I suspect means he wants a ride (he does not drive due to a disability) and not sure what his intent was the last time.  Yeah.  NO.  My ex-husband, who I am very close to, has been having a hard time mental health wise, and is in a depressive spiral.  A couple of weeks ago he struck a deer on his new motorcycle, and managed to walk away from it with minor injuries.  Last week I was assaulted leaving a restaurant and got my debit card and credit card stolen (this happened while I was in Florida).  I was headbutted and knocked down 'by accident'.  The side of my head is still sore, but thankfully the headache has receded.  This happened right before I was to return to the airport.  No harm done, just inconvenienced, and I have a sore elbow and shoulder.  It could have been a lot worse, and I think it would have been if I had not sprung up immediately and confronted my attacker.  The past two weeks have been one minor annoyance after another.  I had a bad gig in Florida.  I got rolled.  I had to deal with cancelling my credit and debit card on the road.  I got to my car and the hood was damaged.  I got home and in the flurry of unpacking, I thought I put my brand new suit in the dry cleaner's sack but I did not.  I figured out the next day that I had put my suit jacket through the washer and the dryer.  It did not live.  I ruined my favorite designer handbag with a busted gel ink pen, and had to replace the liner in the console of my car for the same reason.  My cat has had to go to the emergency vet, and as a result of that bill, I will not be taking my Italy vacation, I will be deferring that for a while.  

But you know what?  Despite all this petty stuff, I have a pretty great and calm life, and so much to be grateful for.  Sometimes you are the windshield, sometimes the bug, as the country song says...  But these types of things make me appreciate smooth sailing so much more, and with all the minor stuff lately, I have been able to deal with all of it and it has not been that huge of a deal.  Some time, some money, and for the property damage stuff, at the end of the day, they are only things.  I cherish my time with my 'granny cats' and with the folks that comprise my inner circle.  And all of this stuff tells me that I possibly on the cusp of making some major, and positive changes.  I win, or I learn.  This is where I differ from my hoarding mother.  She would be ruminating on these things, blaming, pontificating, and making small annoyances into huge and overblown deals.  And they are not.  

Onward and upward.  I hope to write more regularly!  Thank you for reading.

From the mouth of a hoarder!

Oh MY...  

So, it is time for the next installment of 'From The Mouth Of A Hoarder'...

____
"Do you fart a lot""

Excuse me?  What?

"Do you fart?"

Not having this discussion...

"Well, I ...

<End call button>
____

....[Rambling self absorbed monologue]... "So I started using vitamin E oil on my feet at night and now instead of the skin being crusty and flaking like a snowstorm the skin just rolls up into balls..."

GAH!  <<Retching>>
_____
"You need to tell me whatever they diagnose you with because I am sure I have it too..."

I snorted laughter, and this set her off.  The reason I did was I was talking with a friend at dinner the night before my follow up appointment at the teaching hospital.  In our discussion I had stated that if I was diagnosed with anything, by the end of the week, my hoarding mother would have the worst case of it that medicine has ever seen.
_____

You are welcome.  Enjoy your day!

Post Christmas 2016

Hard to believe the holiday season is almost over.  2016 draws to a close, and although I think this has been a really hard year for many I care about, it is just a period of time.  Time itself is neutral, it is the values we assign to it that make it 'good' or 'bad'.  

Thinking about friends who have lost parents, siblings, significant others, children, beloved pets and too many other important people to list.  Thinking of the health issues that folks are facing, or have faced this year.  Including me... The health gods do not seem to be smiling on me too much.  I am in the midst of a major flare of whatever this is, and I hope to have a plan for some answers next month when I go to the teaching hospital about an hour away to start the consult process.  It has been a hard year of self discovery, introspection, and sometimes, repeating painful lessons because I just did not get them the first time, or two, or three.  I am continuing to prioritize what is important, and in that, I am letting go of what does not serve me anymore.  I have had wonderful experiences this past year, and I am planning a holiday in September abroad.  I have much to be grateful for.  
- My career and my work...  Although challenging, I love what I do.  It will most likely continue to be even more challenging in 2017, but I will rise to that challenge.  Often out of great chaos comes great opportunity.
-My sweet kitties.  I lost my two sweethearts a little less than a year apart, and I miss them daily, but I was able to honor them with adopting two special needs and elderly cats.  And I could not love them more.  I love watching them trust me more and more, and I want them to know nothing but love and happiness from this point forward.
-My health and my resilience.  Yes, I have had 'bumps' in the road but I am able to do what I value, am able to run, and to be active despite those challenges.
-My friends who are like family.  And the composition of my friendships are changing.  I am no longer making time for folks who in turn, treat me like an option.  No judgement or hard feelings, it is just priorities and lives evolve.  And I am not putting myself second any longer.  If folks are not willing to meet me part way when I make them a priority, then I will not pursue them.  I am here when they need me, and when they want to make space for me.  Until then, life goes on.  I just smile when someone says 'I haven't heard from you lately'.  Ah... that goes two ways.  Today is a new day!
-My 'gut'.  It very seldom leads me wrong, and I need to stop silencing it.  

There are many other things, but as I look at this list, I realize that for folks like my hoarding mother, hardship and adversity is a reason to ruminate, to be bitter, to be intentionally cruel, and to try to create an impenetrable wall.  I choose to not do that.  I choose to be open to new people, to novel experiences, and to use unpleasant happenings in my life as a lesson.  I refuse to get stuck.  Life is too short, and as approach age 48, I know that another 40 years is not promised, and quite bluntly, is not all that bloody likely.  I choose to live my life focused on relationships and experiences, not on things.  I keep saying life is meant to be lived at full volume.  I intend to live LOUD.  

I wish that things were different for my hoarding and/or/narcissistic family members.  I got a mushy holiday card from narcissister.  I did not hear from my niece, and my mother's estranged sister called after over 8 months of no contact.  She seems to be out of active psychosis, thankfully, but I felt like she was feeling me out to see if I was amenable to giving her any money.  Maybe not, but she seldom calls unless she wants to dump on me, to ask for information, or to ask for financial assistance.  I kept the call short and I think she was a bit puzzled as to what just happened when she hung up.

My hope is for everyone reading this that 2017 is full of opportunities, challenges, and new experiences.  I hope that this will be the year my hoarding mother develops some insight, empathy and willingness to be part of her own solution.  I know it will not happen, and I am not setting my self up for bitter disappointment, but I can still hope.

I think 'hope' is the only thing that has allowed me to draw from my resilience and persistence.  No matter what, no matter how long, it will get better.  <Sigh>

With that being said, I know I cannot change things for my hoarding mother.  And the best gift I can give myself is geographic as well as emotional distance.  I cannot change her reality, but I can shape mine in reference to hers.  And I choose to continue to maintain low contact, firm boundaries, and hope that some day, she may make a different decision.  One that does not surround her, her home, and anything she touches with toxicity.  She turned 80 this week.  A milestone birthday, which she spent alone.  Choices and behaviors have consequences.  That is hers.  I will continue to ensure that my solitude is affirming and not isolating, and I will continue to my work to grow and to heal.  

I often say that hoarding is something no one wins, and that is true.  But, if there is a silver lining of sorts, I think I have found it in gratitude, in resilience, in persistence, and in self awareness.

And so we go.  Onward and upward.  I wish each of you the best of all possible outcomes for 2017.  I keep thinking of Gretchen Rubin's paraphrased quote in the Happiness Project... 'The days are long, but the years are short.'

Thank you for reading.

The whirlwind that has been the last three weeks...

The past three weeks has been a whirlwind.  My last couple of posts were full of medical uncertainty and the unexpected loss of my sweet little cat.  

First the medical update on me.  I returned to the teaching university hospital to have further testing and to continue to develop a plan for potential further intervention.  Long story shorter after additional ultrasounds and testing.  

1. The mass on my ovary ruptured before my 7/8 consult, that is most likely what caused the 'Exorcist' bouts of vomiting and pain.
2. I do NOT have a fallopian tube on my sole remaining right ovary, as I tried to tell the doctor in my area, and who would not listen to me.  The mass they are seeing is not something on the tube, it is a large amount of fluid in my pelvis that is trapped around that area due to the large amount of scar tissue/adhesions/endometriosis that I have.  
3. The amount of fluid is significant and should be removed, but it is not increasing.  It is what is causing the pressure and pain I am experiencing in my lower right quadrant of my pelvis.
4. The other symptoms, including grinding fatigue, bloating, and GI issues is not appearing to be related.  

Now- the game plan is as follows:

• I will keep the appointment with the GI clinic, and they now have more testing and data.  My blood work and cancer markers were disgustingly normal.  This is good news, little to no concern of ovarian cancer.
• I will continue to call every week to see if I can be seen sooner.
• The referring doc will work with the GI clinic to see if they can develop a plan to remove the fluid without opening me up surgically, perhaps via a large cannula as long as they can avoid the bladder and the bowel.  Scar tissue, etc. and the fact that nothing is where it is supposed to be makes this a bit more complicated.
• If they do have to open me up for any reason, the ovary will be removed.  Boom.
• They are working to rule out Crohns and IBS, and my primary care doctor (not jerky, mansplaining, I-will-not-look-at-records-nor-listen-to-you-doctor who was going to open me up with a defective surgical plan) will continue to work to rule out MS. 

Not thrilled with the fact that any of these three options are what is on the table right now, but both Crohns and IBS run strongly in my family.  I am hoping to avoid surgery altogether even though that ovary could be problematic at any time in the future.  I still am in the place of 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'.  

I am making dietary changes, and am working gradually to resume a vegan diet (that in part, helped me on my journey to lose over 130 lbs and ease some of my PCOS and endocrine issues), and having started the changes in the past couple of weeks, I am seeing some improvement with the fatigue and the pesky GI stuff.  I am starting to push myself more in my running, and I am aiming to resume training for a local marathon in the late Fall.  My running had decreased 33% (mileage) but I am going to work on that.  I know truly understand 'spoon theory' and I know that my energy is not (seemingly) unlimited.  

My remaining cat and I are dealing with our grief, and moving on as best we can.  I got my little one's ashes last week, and that was a sad day, but she is home with me.

Through all of this, I have kept my hoarding mother on the low contact plan, and her decompensation mentally continues.  I am wondering if some of the recent repetition I am seeing might be the drop in to dementia, but it is so hard to tell what is true, what is not, and what is her attempts to maintain control.  What my mother's neighbor tells me is more likely than not closer to my mother's actual reality, and she is concerned.  

My mother's MO has not changed, but she engages in endless and pointless speculation on other people, their intentions, their lives, and it is so far removed from most folks healthy interest in others.  She continues to wage her wars with anyone who is in her path, and most 'wonderful strangers' fall from their pedestal almost immediately.  The world is a small, terrifying place to her, and it is just sad.  In every contact with her she says so many things that are fodder for the 'from the mouth of a hoarder' post, and she engages in what a friend calls 'verbal masturbation'.  Once I got over the need for brain bleach, she has a point.  My hoarding mother needs no input, all conversations are monologues that she sometimes has to navigate pesky other viewpoints or comments.  It is basically a sick, paranoid stream of consciousness that also includes a good dose of racism, xenophobia, and internalized misogyny.  And the blatant hypocrisy of the dearth between her actions and words and the expectations of others.  Ever conversation is about her, and about her feelings, experiences, thoughts, etc.  The level of introspection is poor, and the level of narcissism is off the charts.  

Life is stressful, and we all have our challenges, which somehow we navigate and move past.  I find with my hoarding mother, life is a burden, a disappointment, and something to be simply endured... Yet held onto as tightly as she hoards her belongings.  A life like that, is to me, the closest thing to utter hell one can endure.  A life of opportunity lost and of retraction, rather than growth.  

I conciously choose happiness, and although there was a couple of times in the past couple of weeks I wondered aloud how much more I could take, I knew the answer to that.  All of it.  Every bit, and more if it is dished out.  Because I believe that the 'sine curve' of life's experiences... some really happy and elevated, some really awful and the line drops below the median level... make up the learning and the richness of it.  I appreciate health because health challenges have helped me understand that I am not immortal and that health is precious and should be protected.  I value friends, and although they sometimes hurt me, betray me, leave, or die... Their presence left me with something positive, and I hope mine left them in a slightly better place, even if I was a 'lesson' to them.  

Life is meant to be lived at full volume, and I am going to continue to give it all I have.  I have to actually credit my hoarding mother with being an example that I can learn from.  From the abuse, the pain, and all she has meted out over my 47 years, from that I had to figure out that 'I can, and I will' and that failure is not an option, simply because I either win, or I learn.  I think I have her to thank for that.  It is a double edged sword, as are most gifts.  I can also use this resolve and resilience to isolate myself and to alienate others.  I work on that every day...

Now off to do a 2 hour training run.  I am feeling full of energy after a slow start and a lazy day enjoying the company of my 14 year old cat.  I have been spending more time with friends, and have dinner plans with friends tonight.  I also plan to see the gentleman I have been seeing tomorrow, our schedules have not aligned in the past week and half, and I have missed hanging out with him.  Monday I start the planning for my trip to Italy in the Fall of 2017.  Onward and upward.

Life is good, not in spite of the wrinkles, but with them.

I wish I could say the same for my hoarding mother.

I am starting to dig out at work and entering a very busy work phase of grants and reports, but I will try to not drop down the rabbit hole again, and I should have more blogs focused on my journey with my aging, hoarding mother soon.

Thank you for reading.

Another episode of... From The Mouth Of A Hoarder!

Sharing a recent bit of craziness.  My hoarding mother has a mobile phone.  Not that it does her much good, as she refuses to give the number out, keep it on, keep it with her...  You know, somehow be part of her own solution.

So I called to check in.  And she starts off with her normal "I am so mad I could just KILL" bull crap.  She informs me that she was curious after having a mobile since 1995 or so, as to what her voice mail greeting sounds like.  So she called it.  And promptly went off the deep end.  It is a standard US major carrier that says something to the the effect of "You have reached..<insert my hoarding mother's name in her own voice> please leave a message."

Oh.  The. Horror.  Her name is out there for everyone to hear!  The mobile provider did this!  She called and spent hours on the phone arguing with random people who all told her the same thing I did.  No one did that 'to her' or 'for her'.  She did it.  She was furious at the 'smart asses' that 'were more interested in telling me I was wrong' than fixing it.  A person did tell her how to change her outgoing message, but that one said her phone number!!!  Jesus wept.  She finally found the option to do a personal greeting, and said that the phone now says "You have reached SALLY..." 

I explained to her that likely that she set that up in 1994 or 1995 and forgot, but I hear that message in occasion, and it is indeed her voice.  I got a lot of huffing, puffing and harrumphing type of noises, and she changed the subject and got off the phone quickly.

Before she got off the phone she wanted to know if she should buy a new spare since hers has been in her car since it was new (1994) and she wanted to know what she should do about getting her hearing aid serviced since they are in the same office as a doctor that discharged her from the practice, and according to her, she is not to be on their property even thought she did nothing to cause it.  (I remember the incident that likely resulted in that refusal of service, and it was earned... revisionist history much?)

Ai yi yi.  I have to laugh, or I would scream.  Thanks for reading...

The Narcissism of the Hoarding Mindset

It is one of those deals where you laugh and find humor in the situation or you may start screaming and not be able to stop...  

Last weekend parts of the eastern United States had significant snowfall.  Facebook in all its irreverence hyped it to be Snowzilla and other such simpering titles.

We had lots of notice, and is my hoarding mother's custom, she has a problem for every solution, and cannot get out of her own way to get most any mundane thing done.  

She kept saying she needed to go to the pharmacy for her meds, her cat's meds (who has glaucoma and heart issues) and groceries/sundries.

Guess what she did?  If you guessed NOTHING... you would be correct.  She did nothing.  And now she is 'stuck'.  

She refuses to ask her one neighbor to pick up her prescriptions 'because they won't let you do that!'  She refuses to ask her for a ride and won't really state why, instead ruminating on a neighbor who is in the hospital and how she had asked her to help her... um... she is in the freaking HOSPITAL!  

She is still pontificating on the recently paved sections of the road... And saying really nutty things like depersonalizing the neighbor by calling him 'the asshole' and making fun of him for removing the snow from the paved portion of the road, railing they they blew the snow from the snow blower against her fence and she was TRAPPED IN HER YARD!  She said, "I wish someone would lock him in his house without a phone and..." before I cut her off.

They got about 17 inches, which is significant.  The other piece that is amusing, we got over 3 feet in our area.  And it is not a contest.  But... it is amazing to hear her go on and on about how horrible it is and yadda, yadda, yadda.  Um... it is what it is.  We will be inconvenienced for a while.  And it is not the 'snow oppression Olympics' but she will ask a question always prefaced with "Up there" and when I remind her that yes, whatever happened here too since we got over 36 inches she will peevishly say thing like "well the news said [her state] got hit the hardest!"  No, it did not.  Or things like "parts of [her state] got over 40 inches!"  Yeah.  In the bedroom communities near DC.  She just cannot acknowledge that things were tough here as well, and we are all dealing as best we can, and each place has unique challenges.  Someone else's experience does not diminish one's own... unless you are so unable to see anyone as having individual experiences and they only exist as supporting actors in your own Lifetime Network drama/movie.  

I just have to laugh.  And because I am evil, I have to poke her with it once in a while.  The mental acrobatics are something to watch.

And each conversation she is complaining she does not have food, medicine, etc.  I do not offer any solutions as she shoots everything down.  Yesterday she was going to try to get the car out, and decided not to because there was 'activity' at the hated neighbor's house in the turn.  Translation, he was home and she does want him to see her leave because she accuses him of stealing, breaking in her house and loosening lightbulbs, stealing her notes to herself, and even putting snake poop in her basement.  

You cannot make this stuff up.

Have a great weekend!  Thank you for reading...