Sunday, April 1, 2018

What is important...

Sorry, this may be brief.   I have been in grant mode, and of course, that caused my tendonitis to flare.  I got the all clear on Thursday, and yesterday my elbow has done little but yell at me.  Not the end of the world, but an annoyance nonetheless.  

I just about 'went there' with my hoarding mother.  She has not escalated to the point she was mid-month, all though she is still talking about the neighbor's break ins and her problems with the house, still claiming that there is electrical problems/lack of power in the house and garage, no hot water/gas, and the water is shut off to her bathroom/shower (there is only one bathroom in the house).  If this is true.  IF.  I have not talked to her neighbor lately because I just do not need another level of crap... Not the neighbor's, she is lovely, but more machinations of my mother's that will come back to me that way.  Midweek last week I gave her a call to check in, and she was in a weird mood (and that is saying something) and stated that she went to the funeral home to check about prepaying her funeral expenses (something that she alleged she had done years ago...).  The funeral home is a reputable one, it handled both my paternal grandmother's funeral arrangements and my father's 30 and 29 years ago, respectively.  What she wants is going to be $6,500 and with 'discounts' she will pay $5,700.  She plans on being transported to the funeral home, embalmed, placed in the casket and buried next to my father.  She will not have a viewing, a funeral, and does not want an obituary or the dates carved on the stone.  I have only heard this 3,000,000 times in roughly 20 years.  Maybe 4,000,000.  

She then asked if I talk to my half sister.  I repeated that I do not talk to anyone, she is it.  I am not mean, I just do not answer and I am not interested in pursuing a relationship.  She started yelling at me that she "does not want [narc-sister, my niece, her narc-sister and her narc-niece] to be told ANYTHING".  I lost my shit.  (Probably not helped by 16 hour workdays and lack of sleep).  I forcefully interrupted her and told her that I had heard this 3 million times, and I HAVE GOT IT.  Set up [her] plans, no one is going to 'be informed' or have 'access' to her estate such-as-it-is.  I asked WHY she feels the need to have this discussion over and over, and quite bluntly, I expect if she follows through on her planning, that she will embalmed and planted before I am aware.  I informed her that she has created a life that no one is going to push for these things, as funerals are for the living.  

She was aghast.  Sputtering, and I took the wind out of whatever storm she was whipping herself into.  I got off the phone.  I am not playing these games anymore.  She overestimates her importance to most everyone I suspect.  And I do not plan on ever going home again.  

I did call on Friday (because I am a chump) and she was subdued but talking to me.  She began talking about her nasty feet, her moles, and trimming her pubic hair.  GAH!  I got off the phone.  She briefly asked about my sick kitty, and used her to talk about her last cat's death.  It has been a difficult couple of weeks, and Friday morning I ended up taking my sweet girl to the vet.  She is having a reaction to one of the meds.  The vet discontinued the most likely culprit, and I am to reintroduce the med at 1/2 dose in three weeks, if we make it that far.  This is risky, and it does not seem to have helped the reaction 2 days out.  She has lost 4 oz, and she is a tiny cat so that is nothing to sneeze at, and she is vomiting quite a bit.  I am afraid we are coming to the end.  It was a truly horrible visit for her, and stressed her out.  I learned that the treatments she needs for her arthritis and her respiratory issue will impact her heart, so she cannot have them.  If she has a flare that throws her into a systemic infection, we are done.  She will also not be able to have her pain treatments for her arthritis, so she is grumpy and stiff in the mornings and when she has been still.  As I write this, she is on the desk giving me kitty kisses and then romping off to play with her toy in the other room.  This will be tough on both of us, not to mention her kitty-sister.

I have to make a decision as to whether I will go to a conference in my home state, and I am leaning towards no.  When I travel it stresses the cats immensely, and I cannot imagine being gone for 4-5 days.  I will try to find CEUs elsewhere.  And frankly, I really do not want the proximity to my hometown.  I renewed the lease on my place, as I think the stress of moving would do my fragile kitty in.  

My hoarding mother has established her priorities.  I have mine, and I will erect and maintain boundaries to ensure mine are not ripped asunder by her manufactured drama.  

Hoarding, no one wins.  No one.  

Taking my sweet kitties to bed, they are summoning me.  Have a good week everyone.  Thank you for reading.


  1. I completely have your back regarding Mom. It was due. I am thinking about your kitties though, I hope y'all feel better. Keep your head up, you've got this. Evilisa