Saturday, November 24, 2012

Been a bit too introspective- more crazy quotes

It simply is not a phone call with my hoarding mother unless we have statements that make my head spin... or me nearly pass out from trying to suppress laughter.  

The most recent include, but are not limited to:

....talking about a neighbor whose step-kids are a little shell shocked regarding their step-mom moving on and finding a relationship...  "And I said since they did not come help with their dad all those years then they do not get a say!"

Wait... what?  What does that have anything to do with anything?  He was an abusive SOB!  They do not 'owe' him or her anything... what?

.... talking about same neighbor's relatives that live next door... "Maybe I am just strange, but I cannot see them being gone all the time like they are... <sniffs disdainfully>"

Seriously?  They travel a few days every other month, and 2-4 weeks in the summer... they both have worked all their lives, and now have the time and resources to travel, to visit their children who live out of state, to experience their RV and their timeshares, and what is wrong with enjoying their retirement?  They both survived cancer, and I think they know what is important to them...

"Well.  They certainly like spending their pennies..."


....talking about the neighbor she loathes... "... And he has a beard now.  Trying to change his appearance!  Well ... HE IS NOT FOOLING ANYONE!!!"

Um... he is a hunter, always has been and always will be.  Many hunters grow beards at this time of year (deer season).

"Well. He. Has. Never. Before!"

Mom, he has.  From the point he was about 18 until in his 30's he did, and I assume that has not changed...

"He is simply doing it to change his appearance so law enforcement will not recognize him!  He is driving without a license, I know it!"

Okay... has he changed his hair color?  Length?  Anything else?  No?  Think that with hair to his waist and being skinny and 6 foot 7 or 8 inches tall that he would be a bit hard pressed to change his appearance radically?


"Do you take [a certain medication]?"


"Why not?"

Because I do not have [X condition].

"Well I do! And..."

< Interrupting her> WE ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON!  I am a different physical person!  You know, the contribution from my father!



"I was scared to DEATH today.  I thought my car was blowing up."

I do not think that is an issue with an 18 year garage kept Honda with 60K on it...

"I heard this vibration and [goes on to describe in pedantic detail how she stopped, started several times, pulled over, checked all the hoardy crap in the car, got out and looked... all in dramatic tone]."

Can we please speed this story up a bit?  Was it your cane or your water bottle or something?  (She just started using a cane).

...dead silence....


"It was my cane.  How did you know?"

If a car is blowing the engine, that is not the noise it makes.  And cars very seldom explode ...

"Yes they do!  I know they do!  I don't know how this stuff works, but I know it can explode!"


"So I have to be in the water at physical therapy! I do not have a bathing suit, and no one sells shorts in the winter!  They told me to wear shorts but all mine are flowy and light colored!"

So buy dark capri sweats, a dark sports bra and a dark t-shirt.

"They will get all soggy and bog down! That is dangerous!"

Buy the yoga gear and get it to actually fit you in a synthetic material.  

"Why should I buy something just for this? And they say it will only be a woman with me in there... but I am sure there will be others and I will not be stared at.  Besides... she said I had to bring my own towel and what all.  For what I am paying they should provide it all!"

They are not a hotel.  It is like a gym where you bring your own personal hygiene stuff.  And isn't Medicare paying the bulk of this?

"You are impossible.  And furthermore it is COLD out. I do not go out right after I shower and I will freeze to death or catch pneumonia!  I could DIE!"

I go out every day after a shower, usually within 20 minutes of one.  I have not died ... yet.  [This is the woman that will go almost 2 weeks between showers and washing her hair].


There were many, many gems after Election Night 2012.  I simply cannot blog them because they are absolutely FOUL.  

I again timed a call to her and did not say anything but "Hello" and "At work, gotta go."  For 20 minutes I kept a mental tally.  I was looking for positive or neutral items verses negative or judgmental items.

She did not require ANY participation from me.  The count was 57 to 0.  Guess what category the 57 was?  <Sigh>

I will start another quotes list soon.  The hardest thing for folks to get about hoarding is it is not the stuff.  The stuff is a symptom of the rigidity and the narcissism, and the extreme mental illness of the person that hoards.  

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