Friday, January 23, 2015

Been a bit too long! Time for an episode of ... From the Mouth of a Hoarder!

It has been over a month since last post, and I am still on the limited contact with my hoarding mother.  Phone calls from the car during my work commute, 3 times or so a week.  

It may seem mean spirited to laugh at some of these things, but it is honestly laugh and find the humor, or scream until my mind goes.

"...[Talking about the gas line rupture that occurred in the later 1990's]... You know, now that I think about it, I think that had 'HELP'."  (Intimating that the neighbor that lives in the turn that she hates did it).

"I cannot find ANYONE to put bars inside the basement over the windows.  Lowes does not sell them and Home Depot said no one carries them ready to install."  Fort-Elderly-Hoarder anyone?

"...[After mentioning that I was picking my car up at the body shop in time to take it on a trip this weekend]... I don't know, I would not want to drive it all that way after just picking it up from the shop.  What if something went wrong?"  Um... small bumper repair from hitting a raccoon... and there is the manufacturer care plan and I also have AAA, plus I suspect there is a Lexus dealer in Washington DC.  Maybe two.... Ai yi yi.

"...[Starting the paranoia craziness after I mentioned I was going to DC to stay with friends and to attend the new auto show.] Are you leaving a light on?  Why not?  Your cats need light!  What happens if someone breaks in?  They might leave the door open and let your cats out!  They would never survive that!  They might hurt them!  Is anyone checking on them?  What if one gets its claws caught and hangs itself?  I could rip an arm off!  I would not leave my place like that, even if I did have monitored security...."  Not telling her that I have someone staying with the cats as my old girl is almost 18.  

Referring to the neighbors and how 'trashy' she thinks their homes or yards are.  Calling the next door neighbor in the trailer a "Trailer Tramp".

Asking if I have moles that peel off and bleed... EWWWW!

Talking about her nasty, crusty feet.

Asking about hair removal on my face, even though that is not one of my issues.  

Talking nonstop about a free sample of Clinique anti aging lotion she got, obsessing about the wrinkles that 'just appeared'.  She is 78 or 79...

Fat shaming her cat.

Focused on appearance, weight, etc. of everyone around her.

She is continuing to spiral into paranoia and negativity.  

Hoarding... No one wins.

I need to use my voice recorder and keep track of these things so I can recount them accurately, and as I have said before, she says so many sexist, racist, classist, sizist, and any other 'ist' things you can think of... It just boggles my mind.  And she is like the energizer bunny and the negativity just keeps her going and going.  

I am starting to notice what could be the early onset of dementia in our conversations, or could be just the continuation of narcissism.  

I guess when you make the choices she has, and those choices led to such singular and complete isolation... small things become big things, then they become the only things.  

Sad.  I still hope for better for her, but that is all I can do.  This is, and always has been, beyond my control.   If is not her fault that she is so severely mentally ill, but it has been her active choice to refuse to address it in any way that is constructive and would move her forward, and it continues to be her active choice to be intentionally cruel to anyone she comes in contact with that she does not feel offers transactional worth.  

Hoarding.  No one wins, but perhaps for those raised in the shadow of the hoard... We can recover.

Thanks for reading.


  1. I'm so glad to her form you. I went to college in Northern Virginia and spent all my free time wandering the streets of DC. What a fabulous town/district! You enjoy that.

  2. Thank you! It was a lovely visit, full of friends, laughter and great food. Had two absolutely gorgeous snowy runs near my friends' home. Really, really like that area...