What next?

This is been an 'interesting' week with my hoarding mother.  And by interesting, I mean the same old crap at an increased intensity.  I am simply running out of band width to deal with her attention seeking behavior.

I had a funder meeting that took me out of the office for 2 1/2 days with subcommittees and the like, and things are really busy and stressful at the office.  Elderly kitty that had the stroke 2 weeks ago is hanging in there, but requires medication, medical management, and a more constant surveillance of her behavior and health than even before.  And she is very clingy, and the other cat's behavior is impacted too.  Each time I think that I am done with the impact of an elbow injury in mid February, it wants to flare again.  Life is life, but my hoarding mother knows that things are really, really challenging, including my insomnia is back with a vengeance.  What does she do?  Hype EVERYTHING into high drama.  

The final day of the meetings, she called.  Now, since I have been doing extremely low contact and 'grey rocking' her, she is calling about mundane things that she considers an emergency or needs an immediate response.  And she will blow up my cell phone (which I use for business and I am on call 24/7) and if I do not respond, she will call my office or the housing facility that my organization runs that has a 24 hour hotline.  She called Friday, and was ranting that 'someone' needed to take the hated neighbor out, he has been in her house, he has stolen the fuse box out of her detached garage (but the garage door opener and outside lights work) and he has done something in her house so only partial lighting in the central hallway works.  She is also allegedly:

1. Arguing with the cable company, so does not have a box that works so no TV.  If the electrical system is in the house is truly wonky...?
2. Arguing with the paper delivery folks as to how they roll the paper when they put it in her box.  She is cancelling it.
3. She has had to have the gas company out last week to shut off the hot water tank (so no gas in the house if that is true).
4. She had the water company out this week because the tub was leaking and she claims that she now does not have water.
5. She still states she has groundwater leaking in her basement.
6. She is churning, churning, churning the hoard.  She has found papers from 1989, and a computer, etc. from 2005/2006 that she has never used and keeps torturing me with questions about... "Can [this] be used?  What about [this]?  There is a disk for free internet from AOL!" ::Sigh::

So she is really in a Level 5 hoard.  Goat trails, stuff stacked to the ceiling,  no electricity in part of the house, no hot water, and now, no water.  Her furnace is not working, and her AC quit last summer.  She has C Diff, and is wearing adult continence diapers. I am sure she is 'bucket' flushing, but that will not work long term.  Sorry, I keep diverting.  The call on Friday... She was ranting that the neighbor has 'been in her house' and it is only 'a matter of time before he kills her' and he has 'put some listening device in her house so her can monitor her.'

I got off the phone and called Adult Protective Services.  I identified myself, her, gave a succinct background and cause for concern.  My hoarding mother's state is a 'duty to warn' state under Tarasoff, and I retain a social work license in that state.  I have been the petitioner to have clients, adult and child, involuntarily committed when they were a imminent, identifiable risk to self and others, and have the means and the lethality to do it.  They refused to help, even when I spoke to a director and also the Mental Hygiene lawmaster.  I called the police chief in her town, someone I went to high school with and is well acquainted with her.  He could have an officer do a wellness check, but since her property has locks on the gates, etc. he cannot trespass, and he will not put an officer at risk since she has a concealed carry, and several semi automatic weapons with clips and laser sights.  He understood and shared my concern.  

I struck out. Going there will do nothing, especially if she will not let me in, and I left one vulnerable cat that I almost lost in 2010 to deal with her manufactured drama, and I just cannot due to the cat, work, my health, and my mental health.  Her neighbor and the police chief warned the 'hated neighbor' and I have done all I can do.  She called later, and she was on an even keel again.  

This is not going to end well.  My concern is that she will confront and provoke an altercation with the neighbor, and shoot him under the 'stand your ground' law in her state.

I will keep pushing for intervention.  That is all I can do.  Thanks for reading.

My patience is wearing thin, my resilience thinner...

I am exhausted today. Lost a colleague and mentor who I thought very highly of yesterday, and my NM's narc sister (who is also a hoarder) has been calling and I have been ignoring her calls. She has not called for over a year (I think), and the day she called was the day I learned a friend in my circle of friends died unexpectedly, someone I had went out with as friends a couple of times (this was last week). As many know, I am on call all the time, and was sloppy in picking up the phone this one time, and she got me. She asked 'how are things with you?' and I replied 'been better, what can I help you with?' and that was the last thing I said until goodbye.

She is having a psychotic break again, and just returned from her 6th 302 (involuntary commitment). In this call, she informed me: She was attacked by my narc sister (who is also a hoarder- see a pattern here?) and her arms have had the tendons ripped from the bones but she has used things she learned in PT in the past to get them back, and she can barely hold a tea cup despite telling a story she had to wait holding over $200 in groceries for a cab to come because 'he' wrecked her car and tried to kill her and the DMV marked it as unsafe and has a salvage title. She has never said who 'he' is. She had been accusing a neighbor's son of playing music in her house and car before, and then suddenly was in love with him- I assume this is the person. She now says she has a more restrictive thing than a PFA that is forever (nothing like that exists in her state), that he was looking in her hospital window when she was committed and snatching cell phone connections from the air to transmit messages she can only hear, but now the hospital heard them too, and that she got a BB gun at Walmart and the guy at the counter told her how to shoot so the person would bleed to death. She claims to have boarded up her house, now has two dogs, and is threatening to 'kill him' if he comes in her house. She claims he is talking about how nasty her vagina is, and has turned people against her. She claims to now be paraplegic and that my 1/2 narc sister attacked her using a military move. She then said she is going to lose her house, etc. She then switched to how she has not seen me in a long time, and sort of asked me for money and/or to come stay with me.

NO and NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I have blocked her number. I cannot take this level of craziness. She is just as dysfunctional as my mother, and she did nothing to protect her daughter from her pedophile father. Something she and my 1/2 sister have in common, not protecting their children from sexual predators, then disowning their kids when their trauma histories impact their choices as adults. I did make a wellness call to APS in her state without giving my information. This is not going to end well.

Work is extremely stressful, and as folks may remember I have had major surgery in mid August, and am on the cusp of figuring out what will most likely be a chronic, autoimmune and autonomic disorder. Someone close to me has attempted suicide and I am trying to provide support while he untangles that and the legal charges he is now facing because of that attempt, and I am just feeling like much of my resilience is being sucked out of me, and my NM is SSDD, and is escalating in her paranoia and nastiness, and she is on the extreme LC plan with me.

Thank goodness for my sweet kitties. I am just feeling really frustrated, have tons of medical bills, and the holidays are coming and I still have not shopped for my family of choice... My friends. I am hoping that 2018 is a better year for us all.

Hoarding, and the co-occurring mental illness. No one wins. Thanks for reading, and have a good week.

Post Thanksgiving Miscellany...

Hard to believe it has been just over a month since the last post!  I just returned from a brief vacation down south, where I spent the the week of the Thanksgiving holiday with friends.  I visit them 2-3 times a year, and it is always a treat to go see them.  They live in a rural area, and it is quiet and peaceful, and very close to water.  I had over a week break from talking to my hoarding mother.  And it was really needed.

She has been off and running.  Sadly, her favored cat (the deaf one she hand reared) passed unexpectedly on the Sunday before I flew out, some sort of aortic stroke/spine stroke that left the poor little fella paralyzed, and death was imminent.  She put him down, and I did call to check in on her as her neighbor texted and told me what happened.  I am glad she reached out for help, and she did call when she got back from the vet.  

Prior to this, she has been really, really struggling.  It is sad.  She stated the first week in November that she finally pulled the food out of the chest freezer and unplugged it.  She had things that had been in there for nearly 20 years.  The really disgusting and disturbing part is, one of the first few posts I talk about a derecho that knocked her power out, and she was without power for 8-10 days in 95+ degree heat.  THAT IS THE SAME FOOD!  SHE JUST RE-FROZE IT!  And she is now using the same freezer to store her toilet paper, paper towels, and other paper products in.  I bet that smells fantastic.  The freezer is over 50 years old.  

She has also been on a tear ruminating and revisiting the 'museum of petty misunderstandings conflated to huge dramas' and has done the "Now I am just going to tell you this ONCE, lady, I am NOT to have an obituary in the paper or a funeral..." And I cut her off each time telling her that she has told me that 10,000 times or more and we are not going there.  She gets pouty and says "Well, I mean it..." and I cut her off again.  HELLO... It is so sad.  It is unlikely anyone would come to a funeral, and all of that is for the living... I do not plan on coming in unless I have to.  Her funeral arrangements are set and paid for, she will be buried, unembalmed, and she does not want the final date carved on the headstone she will share with my dad.  She does not want an obituary, and she will get all her wishes.

Her paranoia is getting worse as well.  She told me she mailed a letter to herself in her post office box and she is leaving it there in case 'something happens to her' and then said that the hated neighbor in the turn happened to turn into their shared street after her and tailgated her all the way to his driveway and she is convinced he is going to kill her!  

New neighbors moved in, and they are a mixed couple.  Now, she considers herself to be the epitome of unbiased, despite her racist viewpoints.  She has decided that the next door neighbors to the new neighbors are not out in the yard because the gentleman is black and the children are mixed.  I am sure it has nothing to do with the wife having back surgery and almost dying due to organ failure.  She decided that they saw the young man burying her dead cat, and that is why she did not get a Thanksgiving plate from them this year.  

She cannot be reasoned with, and she is unable to see any viewpoint but her own.  

Hoarding.  No one wins. No one.  Hope everyone has a great week, and thank you for reading.

200th Post for Not My Hoarding Mother Blog!

Wow.  My blogging platform that I use let me know that 2 milestones have been reached this month as far as the blog... One is this is the 200th post, and the second is the blog has had over 100,000 views.  I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone that reads, that comments, that sends messages, that shares the Not My Hoarding Mother Blog.  I am overwhelmed.  

It is bittersweet, that I have had material to continue to write for these past few years.  I am so happy to have connected with other folks with parents that hoard, with parents that are narcissistic, and parents that have imparted trauma histories on them.  I wish none of us experienced this.  But we did experience it, and I hope this blog is about the journey of growth, healing, and some humor thrown in.  

Sharing last weeks 'From The Mouth Of A Hoarder' (FTMOAH) exchange... 

"What color is your garage door opener?"

What... Why?

"Just answer the question, I need to know."

<Sigh>  I think black or dark taupe, I do not know.  I know I have lived at my place for nearly 10 years, but I have never paid attention to it....

"What color is mine?"

I have no idea.  I am not sure I have seen the newer one you had installed several years ago.

"You mean when I was in the hospital you left my car outside?..."

No, I mean I did not look up at the thing, and I do not know when you replaced it... Why?

"Well, the panel was crooked, and ... Well, something is going on and I do not want to get into it..."

Okay <changes subject>

"...<Interrupting> Do you know where you buy those metal grates that look like cages to go over walk through doors..."

No I do not.  Gotta go!
_____________
Okay, so I see where this is going.  She is apparently convincing herself that the 'hated neighbor' came in her garage and has switched out her garage door unit.

Ai yi yi.  For giggles I meant to look up at my garage door opener.  I have not.  I still do not know what color it is.  And I do not care...

Hoarding, no one wins.  No one!  Some good news, just had the 11 year anniversary at my job, and I run my first obstacle race tomorrow.  Hoping that goes well!  Have a great weekend everyone!

What is real? And what is not real?

Oh, life with a hoarding mother... The gift that keeps on giving... 

She continues on her paranoid delusions that her neighbor is 'picking her locks' (does anyone do that anymore?  I thought if folks were going to break in they use a credit card, a kit, or a bump key...) and is breaking things.  She did finally go to an autobody shop only to have the owner tell her that her 'floppy seatbelt piece' was merely loosening due to age.  (The car is 24 years old, after all!)  I am not entirely sure she buys it 100%, but she always needs a 'wonderful stranger' to tell her what I have been telling her for years... And I used to run an auto body shop... But what do I know?  And my mother absolutely ascribes to sexist gender tropes, so since a MAN told her, then obviously that carries some weight.  It is exhausting.  But, she is now saying that someone (the hated neighbor) broke into her garage again and loosened the plate on her garage door opener, but she feels he was interrupted since the repair person she called said it was okay.  Allegedly the repair person told her to get the steel gates that proprietors use to protect storefronts that lock from the outside for the walkthrough door.  Um.  Yeah.  

The weekend before last, while my mother's neighbor was on vacation, my mother called her stating the garage had been broken into ranting.  She did not call me, and waited  until today to mention this.  I call bullsh*t.  She has twice had this neighbor and her fiance come to the fence with flashlights after 10pm to shine a flashlight so she can change the bulbs that she claims the hated neighbor in the turn is destroying.  She has also asked this neighbor to shoot her gun into the air or into the ground.  Same deal, different day with this craziness.  

My hoarding mother mentioned she has not been to her chiropractor in months, and that chiropractor is a classmate of mine from high school (and a major flying monkey of my mother's), and knows I was in town for the high school reunion.  I did try to contact her as I was headed to my hometown, but she chose not to answer (and I know she knows the reunion was that weekend, as the chiro told her months ago).  I guarantee this woman will say something along the line of 'so, how was your visit with Lisabeth when she was in town in July?' and a whole level of manufactured drama is about to be released.  I am not going to take a lot of her crap.  I called, I called again, and she did not call back until I was almost home.  DONE.  Consequences of her own actions.  Then I may have a conversation with my 'classmate'.  I am so done with her too.

On the good news side, I ran my first race post surgery this weekend.  I was 6 minutes slower than my usual, but did not have to walk at all.  It was a mixed course with pavement, field, and trail, one of the hardest for me.  I am glad I am on the way to getting my momentum back, and I have lots of additional testing at the teaching hospital at the end of the month, but I booked my flight for Florida for Thanksgiving, so I have that to look forward to.  I also will be celebrating the one year 'gotcha' anniversary of one of my sweet kitties tomorrow, and they make me so happy.  I am working too much, and I am hoping my schedule will normalize a bit in the next couple of weeks.

Life goes on.  Onward and upward!  Thank you for reading, and have a great week.

Lisabeth has an annoyed... UPDATED

First the good news.  Just got back from the teaching hospital where I had my 8/7/2017 surgery.  I am released totally to resume normal lifestyle, including running and training (good thing, I have picked up a bit of weight that puts me over my ideal running weight, time to get it back off and into form to run a marathon within the next few months!) and the doctor stated I did fantastically well, she was surprised.  The second bit of good news was I had a tilt test the next day, and met my new specialist.  The tilt table was negative, so no POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome).  

Setting the stage for this... Because I had multiple appointments, one considered a cardiovascular procedure, I had to have a driver for the second day.  The hospital I receive care from is about two hours away from home.  I had to work the day prior to the two days of appointments, and I have a friend who lives an hour and half from work, and about two hours away from the hospital as well, but was willing to take me for my appointments.  So... The plan was that I would leave work at 5ish, take a conference call that would last most of the way to my friend's, stay the night there, and then we would leave his home at 8am to make my first appointment with my surgeon, then roll across town to another campus to meet my new specialist, then spend a lovely day shopping and eating at great seafood places.  I made reservations for a lovely historic inn that was close to the waterfront, and the next morning we had to be at a third hospital location for my testing at 7:30am, and we would continue shopping (and EATING) and then head back to my friend's home, and I would decide from there if I were up to the 2 hour drive home that night, or I would drive to work from his place the next morning.  

So, now, the only reason all of this is germane to this blog is I had mentioned my appointments multiple times in passing to my mother, usually in reference to my desire to begin running again.  I also decided to call her Tuesday morning (unusual since I called her on Monday morning) and to tell her again that I was A) Leaving for my friend's after work; B) I had a call that I would not be available 'on the road' just in case she had ideas of a captive audience; and C) that I would be unavailable for the remainder of the week, most likely until Friday afternoon.

I get a text from one of office folks after 6:30pm last night.  My hoarding mother had called the office, catching this person as she walked out the door (she normally leaves at 5pm or so).  She did not ask for me, did not appear to listen to when my coworker answered and introduced herself by first name, asking for this coworker (who has worked with me for 10 years now) and merely giving her (my mother's) first name.   When that did not bring down the confetti and party favors of recognition, she said 'Lisabeth's mother'.  She asked if I was okay and/or in town and alluded to 'she knows we sometimes get into things together' (she does not know SHIT).  She stated I 'call her every day' (untrue) She stated that she was 'forgetful' and I might have told her... My coworker told her politely that I was out of town, she was not sure where, perhaps a conference.  She ended the call, and I called her back as soon as I got her text.  Needless to say, after her other stunts of calling my work and confusing/scaring my staff, she knows she is NOT to call work.  But she did anyway.  My friend and his mother made several observations:  

• Why did she not just call me to start with?
• Why did she not call either or both days to check in how my appointments went and how I was?
• If she was so concerned about me, and felt she had to call my office, why did she not ask for me?  The coworker was the only person there, so she did not call earlier or talk to someone else.

I was flat pissed.  I felt okay after dinner with my friends, so I went home.  I talked with a couple of friends via bluetooth in my car who all pointed out the same things that I mentioned above, unsolicited.  I waited until this morning (Friday) to call my hoarding mother, and she said "wondered where you were, have not heard from you in several days and you usually call every day."  I reminded her that I simply DO NOT CALL EVERY DAY (like 3 times a week at most and she complains vociferously to whomever will listen that I do not call enough) and I had told her on Tuesday morning that I was going to be unavailable, and I had mentioned it before since everything was scheduled in August.  She said she remembered something about a test, but she did not know that I was out of town, and she said she had not talked to me since (an event- the state police were conducting a registration check so I ended my call with her to attend to that) that was Friday or Monday and I corrected her that it was Monday, but we talked Tuesday and I told her.  She then started harping on the coworker she called and asked for 'sounded too young' to be who she thought it was and was using depersonalizing language like 'that person' and 'that person who claimed to be...' and intimated that someone was merely playing games with her.  She got really defensive when I advised if she was concerned she could have called me.  It was straight out of the twilight zone.  

I got off the phone when she switched as to how the neighbor broke her light on the garage and all the paranoid stuff she goes through....

My friend owes me $20.  We had a friendly wager, and I do not normally gamble.  She thought my mother would ask how I was, and how the tests went- even if delayed.  She did NOT.    Hoarding- no one wins.  No one.  Have a great evening!

UPDATE- the next morning, which is a Saturday, she called my cell phone all-a-flutter at 8:30am.   My coworker (the same as mentioned above) and I were enroute to an event we had to staff, but she did not know that.  A ground delivery company had left a note that a delivery had been attempted.  She called the delivery company and grilled them, and got the sender information.  I looked it up for her, and it is a marketing company, so it is most likely something from AARP or some crap she has signed up for to get a 'free' premium of some sort.   I let her know that it was not anything 'nefarious' and she needed to decide what she wanted to do, I was out.  I ended the call.

Ai yi yi.  

Manufactured issues and a problem for every solution

My hoarding mother has a problem for every solution, and is 99.9% of her own difficulties.  I will just jump into the new installment of 'Hoarding, no one wins.'

Her phone company for her landline pissed her off, so after years of flailing them verbally on the phone and threatening to disconnect her phone, she finally did it.  She used portability to pull her landline number to a mobile phone, and wanted them to 'add a number' to that phone, as well as keep her current cell phone.  Of course, it did not go as expected, and after 3 days, 5 visits, 20-million something phone calls, she cancelled her new phone in a huff.  And promptly lost the phone number(s?) she has had for nearly 30 years.  She went to the competitor, and that has not worked either.  So for a couple of weeks, she has only had her mobile number (that she refuses to give out) and an aging, dying flip phone that she refuses to turn on when it is charging, and of course, will not use when charging.  She is looking at new phones, and found some crap flip phone as she REFUSES to get a smart phone so she limits her options.  I have annoyed her because I have offered ZERO advice or consolation for her troubles.

She is also angry at the newspaper carrier because he is folding her newspaper too tightly and rubber banding it.  She plans on cancelling that too, and she has taken the daily paper since the early 60s.  So... Inconsistent phone, no newspaper, and she does not have access to the internet.  

Her next gripe is with the cable company, and she may do something similar to the phone company snafu.  I am going to wait for that one with a bag of movie popcorn.  

So- she has vastly curtailed her phone access by her own rigidity and choices, and may do the same with the paper and TV.  I am not sure how she will entertain herself and she may become more paranoid, more delusional, and more disconnected with reality, more so than she is now.  Is this all part of it?

I have had some amazing opportunities at work that further the work of my agency, and are great for my career.  Typical of her, she questions 'why' I am asked to do that.  Then goes on to her usual laundry list of complaints.  

I have appointments on Wednesday and Thursday at the hospital that I had surgery at the first week of August.  I hope to be released to run and to start to train in all seriousness for my next series of races leading up to a marathon (and possibly ultra) effort.  I will also meet with the new specialist and have some more diagnostic testing.  

Work continues to be busy and stressful, and my elderly kitties are doing great and thriving.  I have several friends going through really challenging times, and I am doing what I can, but sometimes I feel it is simply not enough. 

I did look at the pictures of the 'hated neighbor's home' that he has listed for sale.  The wind chimes and the 'thermometer' he allegedly has on his porch that she claims are hers (that were actually my dad's mothers, so technically are mine) that she claims he stole are NOT the ones she claims they are.  Her descriptions of his house could not be more incorrect as well.  Just more validation that most everything she tells me is 100% bull pucky.  <Sigh>

I will continue to keep my mother on the very, very LOW contact interval of contact, and I refuse to be pulled into her utility provider drama.  

Hope everyone is having a great September.  Thank you for reading.  

Hoarding, no one wins.  No one.   

More paranoia... Ai yi yi

Forgot some of the other fodder for the most recent "From the Mouth of a Hoarder' in the last entry.  How could I forget these things?  Because she is continuing to go off the delusional rails to use a train wreck analogy.

The things I forgot to mention in my previous post include:

• Her insisting that someone hit her 24 year old import station wagon.  Of course there was no evidence of this, other than her passenger side rear wheel liner fell.  The car is OLD.  And having worked in dealerships and auto body in my past life, there are many organic reasons they fall.  She went off the deep end, called the police, demanded the 'cameras' in the parking lot be reviewed, and otherwise made an absolute nuisance of herself.  She stopped by a garage that a stranger recommended since she was regaling a doctor's office with this last bit of indignity, and as I suspected.  It took a couple of washers, a couple of larger bore screws and it was fixed.  The garage did not charge her.  She was almost sulky that it was so easily remedied and is still angry at the store and at the police for not looking at the video surveillance.  
• Despite her neighbor giving me the heads up that she let my mother know that the 'hated neighbor in the turn' has his house advertised on a social media group and that my mother demanding she come show her on (the neighbor's) phone, my stated the neighbor 'rushed over to show her' and got angry when I indicated that I did not care if the house was for sale, for how much, and what it looked like- that I would not join this group and look at it, and I kept shutting down the conversation in which she accused him of damaging all but one storm door in what she says, is an effort to kill her.  She accuses him of setting at least 4 fires over the past 40 years, so therefore he is going to burn her up in her house after he kicks in the final storm door.  Nevermind that all three 'exits' are already blocked by a stage 5 hoard.  
• She still says he is 'coming in the house'... References putting 'snake poop' in her basement, loosening the bulb over the washer, stealing her stalking log, and picking her locks so all her door knobs are scratched.  Oh, and cutting her 20 year old screens on her screened in porch.
• She disconnected her landline, and tried to port her number over to a basic flip phone.  She cancelled that phone after 3 days 'because they cannot do anything right' and could not add a second line to the cell phone.  Um... Google Talk anyone?
• She is going to the competitor today to get the phone...
• She also has a cat that is only peeing a small amount, so she has decided since the kitty is inactive, 12 years old, and obese, she will have her put to sleep.  I was absolutely livid, but who knows what is true.

So, that is most of the forgotten FTMOAH.  

Um... Enjoy?  And not once has she asked how I am doing or feeling, and I am actually glad.

I am leaving for my friend's -who just was released from the hospital yesterday- tomorrow, and I will be inaccessible to her for at least 3-4 days.  Thank goodness.

Thank you for reading.  Hoarding... No one wins.  No one.

An update on the aunt who hoards, and who is in active psychosis

This should be an episode of 'From the Mouth of a Hoarder'...

My mother's estranged sister continues to call, sometimes once a week, but I am hoping that maybe, just maybe, it will stop.

As a recap, she was involuntarily committed (known as being 302d) in May after seeing dead bodies, reporting my 1/2 sister (narcissister) for domestic violence, and the like.

Until her last call, she claimed that a neighbor put a 'device' in her furnace and in her van that he can play music and sing songs, but it is so soft and with the fan from the furnace it cannot be recorded.  Then she said he was driving by with a loudspeaker.  She stated in her discussion he was a pedophile, and the like.  She said her psychotic break in 2015 was due to him projecting holograms and she has papers from her week long hospitalization saying she isn't crazy.  And the like.

Fast forward until April 10.  I was on a Skype call when she blew up my phone.  Even though it was a Sunday, I had a Skype call, a Go-to-meeting BOD call, and had to prepare to speak at a press conference.

She continued to call, and finally I was done with my virtual meeting and answered.  Her repeated calling kept knocking my internet out since I use a hotspot.  In this call she:

• Said it was not 'him'
• That the songs said he killed himself out of unrequited love for her
• That she freaked but he is okay and was told by the police to stay away from her
• That she now 'has feelings for him'
• That she thinks narcissister is behind all of this
• That she was 302d by a police officer
• That her doctors say she is not crazy and it is happening
• That the police do not believe her
• Went off her meds
• Her general practitioner yelled at her for going off of her sleep meds
• She does not know what she takes and has not bottles to read me

You get the picture.  She also kept asking about noises she was hearing in the background (my cat futzing around, me drinking, etc.)  What was the most interesting was I was working in speech notecards, and started typing to send my outline to the PR folks, and she FREAKED and started screaming she had to go, someone was calling her.

I have not heard from her since.  Perhaps I should type any time she calls.  And keep my nails long and shellac manicured...

A week away, and my... She has been busy...

So... I did it.  I went and had a lovely, relaxing vacation.  Seven days in the Caribbean with my best friend and his wife.  Seven days of being unplugged from everything, including my hoarding mother.  

I got back and decided to give her a quick call so she did not start stalking my workplace or her neighbor to determine if I had returned (via social media, as the neighbor made the fatal error of telling her I friended her).  I also remember her slipping and telling me that she called AAA and several travel agents when I took a cruise in 2004 in an attempt to get a way to contact me.  She failed.  Thankfully.

So...  This would be almost amusing if it were not so stinking sad.  During the week I was gone she:

• Declared war on the neighbors, especially the ones who had actually brought her food on the holidays and had been neighborly.  They paved part of the dirt road that she lives on, and she refused to pay for any of it, so they paved part of it and she is claiming that it has a drop off of over 8 inches near her driveway and she cannot get her car out.  She has called the county commissioners, the codes office, everyone at the courthouse.  She finally called the contractor who did the paving, and was miffed that the owner was out of town and unavailable until Monday, and despite it being only Saturday that he had not dropped everything and called her.  She also had phone and face to face altercations with the nice folks across the street, and went all 'scorched earth' on them.  She is now criticizing them in intentionally cruel ways, and was not happy when I called her on it and shut it down.
• She had been referred to an eye specialist who she had a negative experience with about 10 years ago.  The morning of her appointment the practice called, stated they were canceling her appointment due to her past interaction, and they were declining her as a patient.  When she went back to her primary care physician that referred her, she stated he was distant, late for the appointment, and would not make eye contact.  I apprised her to have the conversation with him, but she prefers to find another doctor.  Another wonderful stranger just fell off the pedestal.  She also started freaking out that the place she got her hearing aid is in the same building as the practice who declined her, and was going to worst case scenario there.  She then proceeded to tell me that in 2005 she had not acted inappropriately or in a batshit crazy way in the doctor's office, when I remember that bit off-the-charts ugliness. Revisionist history anyone?
• For some strange reason she happened to be discussing me and my car with a perfect stranger. Talking about how I had owned more cars in the past few years than she has owned in her life, and was going on about me trading my last car in on this car, and admitted that she asked this person how much the type of Volvo I have cost.  WHAT. THE. SERIOUS. HELL?  WHY?!?!?  I cannot fathom why she would be discussing me or the car I drive to anyone...  I suspect she was 'dragging her cross' and telling this new/wonderful stranger in training about her CEO (of a tiny nonprofit) daughter who just traded a Lexus (which was over nine years old) on a new Volvo (that was a retired loaner car and will soon be 4 years old) who is on a cruise (my first vacation in 9 years) but I cannot be bothered to come see her, etc.  I usually do not speculate, but in this case, she has done this enough that it is the rule and not the exception.  Some of her comments indicated this, and she presented them as 'oh how funny'.  GAH!  

She is simply determined to make life as difficult as possible by her behavior and her unwillingness to deal with her mental illness.  She is caught in the small, lonely and threatening world of her own making, and I am again reminded that you cannot want something more for someone than they want it for themselves, and you cannot help someone in spite of themselves.

I am lucky to be spending the holiday this week with friends.  I continue to be grateful for all that is good in my life, and also I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned from what is challenging.  I have friends that are my family, and two beloved kitties that are my furry family.  Life has its ups and downs, but it is very good, and peaceful.  And I work to keep it positive, and to keep it that way.  And it is WORK.  But it is worth the effort.  I either succeed or I learn. Either way I win.  I think that is a better stance than 'opportunity lost'.

Hoarding.  No one wins.  No one.  Have a great week everyone.

OMG... From the Mouth of a Hoarder (FTMOAH)

She has been on a roll the past few days.  From starting needless arguments at Kmart to harassing poor folks at doctor's practices and drive throughs... Her reign of terror continues.  It is time for... FTMOAH!

"I found an old starter pistol that must have belonged to your father.  It still has the price tag on it.  Do you know any schools I could donate it to?"

For what?

"For gym class or races.  They use starter pistols, right?  I guess I could donate it, but I hate to see some kid..."

You know that fires blanks, right?  And blanks are not toys, folks can die from a point blank shot from a blank (no pun intended).

"Sputtering... but I do not want it... Should I take it to the library?"  (Pronounced Li-BERRY)

For what?

"So they can tell me what it is worth..."
____
Later in the day, phone call from my hoarding mother... 

"I am glad I did not call the police station, the firing range or any of that - it is worth some PENNIES!"

Okay...

"It is worth $75!!!"

Oh brother.
____
"Do you have problems with hair on your lip?"

No.  We are not discussing this for the 200,459th time.  

"Well, I ..."

<Dial tone>

____
"My legs are just so dry.  If I run my hands down them it looks like it is snowing, white flakes go EVERYWHERE!"

GAG.  <Silent violent retching>

____
"He has been in the house!  ..."

I asked if she kept a stalking journal (which I know she has not because she has said so in earlier conversations)...

"Yes!  That is how I know he has been in the house!  It was on the dishwasher... [dramatic pause] And now it is GONE!"
____

Shared I exceeded my goal of running over 1,000 miles in a year.

"[In morose voice]... You need to watch that... Your dad died because of his heart, and all that exertion..."

<Primal scream>
___

Just a few recent gems.  One of these days I am going to face palm so badly that I will wreck my car.

Well... THIS is not going to end well.

I am making a prediction, and I do not need any gift of prognostication or psychic ability.  I predict things are NOT going to end well.  As you know, this is not the first time I have made this prediction.

This weekend my hoarding mother's backyard neighbor was passing through my area with her significant other, and they stopped to have dinner with me.  This has been a lovely couple of weeks, as I had a high school friend stop by a couple of weeks ago with her family and now this friend.  Although I no longer consider where I grew up as 'home', it is nice to connect with those who have known you for years, if not most of your life.  I have been totally removed from that since I moved to the state in which I reside 16 1/2 years ago.

I heard more stories about my hoarding mother and her behavior.  I will spare you most of them, although my high school friend asked if my mother was dating anyone, and stated she has been in the local Walmart (in which my friend works) and she seemed sure that my mother seemed awfully 'cozy' with a particular gentleman.  Okay... may the odds be ever in his favor if that is the case!  But the fodder for this entry is apparently my hoarding mother is calling the police on the neighbors as a form of harassment and giving false addresses (like her neighbor that visited me) so she must have a 'burner phone'.  She also is shooting her gun in the air when she perceives there to be 'prowlers'.  In a suburban area.  She has tried to get the neighbor to shoot her gun in a similar manner, which she has refused.  

Bullets that go up, must come down.  I encouraged the neighbor to call the police when she hears gunfire, and I am at a loss at what to do.  She is a menace.  

Monday I called her to check in after 3 or 4 blissful days on no contact, and she ramped up on a discussion and stated that she thought they should bring back hanging people on the town square or burning them at the stake 'like they used to" and I got off the phone quickly after disagreeing and attempting to shut that nastiness down.  She constantly states things like "I could just watch someone beat [that person] to death and do nothing" or "I would like to see someone chop that lying ... pick your vile adjectives to depersonalize someone... [body part or body parts- usually tongue, hands, genitals, etc.] off" and I quickly shut it down.  

She has a concealed carry.  Someone gave this person a concealed carry permit for a firearm.  Any interaction she has lately is fraught with conflict and petty misunderstandings that explode into a full fledged confrontation.

And the hail damage that happened last March?  She still does not have the roof fixed on her house or on the garage.  And there has been lots of rain.  Bet that is lovely in a stage 5 hoarded home.

She continues to escalate, and deteriorate.  And she has not fallen far enough to get anything done despite herself.

Hoarding.  No one wins.  No one.

The Hoarding and Narcissistic Family Tree

Egads.  I am still processing my relationship with my NPD, hoarding mother and am low to no contact with other relatives... Or so I thought.

One day post 46th birthday I was rushing home from a lovely Ethiopian late lunch with a friend and had to change into 'professional CEO lady' clothing to attend an evening dinner event.  I rushed home, and was getting out of the car when my mobile rang.  I had been talking to my staff about a shelter issue, so I answered without looking.

HUGE MISTAKE.  

It was 'narcis-sister'.  My 1/2 sister who was given up at birth and found us when I was 26.  The thing that terrifies me is she is proof that there is a strong genetic link to this thing, with the narcissism, hoarding, and she is also struggles with Oxycontin addiction.  I got the "Hey little sister, sorry I missed your birthday by not sending a card, so happy birthday, and by the way, [your mother's sister] went insane and is seeing bugs and lizards in her house, stayed over here with with me and called the police on me today for domestic abuse..."  I explained that I thought that was unfortunate, but I needed to get dressed for a work event and ended the call.  She asked me to call her back... Hope she is not holding her breath on that.  She kept repeating she wanted to give me a heads up that I "will be getting a call" from my aunt.

Fast forward a couple of weeks.  I had just left a dinner date with a gentleman I have seen a couple of times now, and had just left my polling place and went to the grocery store.  I had just pulled in when my mobile rang.  It was my aunt, who also scares me on the genetic link piece.  She also is on the hoarding scale and is also demonstrates the clinical indicators of narcissistic personality disorder.  I selected ignore on my phone, removed it from the holder on my dash, dropped it in my leather handbag, and entered the grocery store.

Now, there are a couple of things that could have happened... Perhaps I did not lock my iPhone, and the leather from my handbag was enough of a contact with the touchscreen to 'buttdial' my aunt back.  I think the more likely scenario was she called, I hit ignore, she left the demanding voicemail that I retrieved later, and she immediately called back and my handbag 'answered'.  Either way, I hear her shrill and demanding voice screaming my name.  I knew if I disconnected her she would then continue to call my phone, and if I blocked her, would go to neighbors, etc.  So I answered.  

For over 40 minutes, other than my initial 'hello' and 'I have to go, I need to cash out my groceries' I said nothing.  I did not have to... It was a solid monologue of made up drama.  The short version is...  She was hospitalized with her back, and she claims that some meds they gave her made her see dead people and dead bodies in her yard.  She asserts the lizards, the rats, and the men talking under her windows at her home and at my sister's home was real.  She states that she was in the mental health unit for 5 days, but she has papers proving she has nothing wrong with her, that it was the medicine, and she has most of the blankets and towels off the windows now.  She states she is DONE with my sister, and told the story regarding the events that culminated in her calling 9-1-1.  She also is angry at the 'wonderful strangers' that she has included in her will chose to leave when she started having 'problems' and have not been accessible since.

Ugh.  Double ugh.

I think I have enough of this with my hoarding mother.  I simply cannot, or will not, deal with 2 others, and I will not allow myself to be triangulated into their pettiness.  

Hoarding.  No one wins.  No one.

Okay folks, it is time for From the Mouth of a Hoarder!

Today's FTMOAH is a doozy... 

In the US many high schools and universities put out cards that have a local contact that is part of the Alumni contact, but is basically a multi-class directory that is then sold to folks.  I had thought those had gone by the wayside like many publications of that sort, displaced by social networking media and the internet.

Nope.  I received three, one for my high school, one for the university I attended for undergraduate and one for my graduate school.  The cards immediately went into shred folder, not because I am secretive, but because folks who know me are already connected via social networking sites, and I am wise to how this particular scenario plays out.  Nothing bad, and for some, quite enjoyable.  

My hoarding mother got one.  And she went simply ballistic... Calling the 1-800 number and demanding to 'be removed from the list NOW!' and telling the hapless call center person her dramatic and sad story...  A story that I have heard nearly 5 million times that includes:

• She was not allowed to go to parties or to socialize so why would she now?
• All she did was go to class and then go to work.  
• She did not have any friends in school, so she does not know or care about 'those people'.
• A long, drawn out story about someone who came into her cake and candy supply shop in the basement of her home in the early 80s who told her they told the reunion committee for her class her address and she went absolutely batsh^t crazy on that person, screaming 'Why?  WHY? I do not want anything from them!' and similar sentiments.
• How she has never attended a reunion and does not intend to start now.

She planned to go into the local Alumni contact's office, who happens to be our former insurance agent, and she loathes him.  She planned to go in and demanding that her information not be included, and telling him what she thinks...

You get the idea.  Another person I should send flowers to when she is gone.  It is just so sad.  Granted, I took the 'geographical solution' and 'poofed' on many folks from high school, and I own that behavior, and I know I have hurt many folks I did not mean to, I just needed to be able to live and do so from outside the shadow of the hoard, or her toxicity.

I feel I had little choice... but the friendships, both consistently maintained and rediscovered are precious.  It saddens me that my mother makes the choices she does.  And as we all know, choices wreak consequences, both positive and negative, as well as natural and contrived.

Have a good one, and thank you for reading.  And please keep our former insurance agent in your positive thoughts.  He may need them!  

Hoarding... No one wins.  NO ONE.

Is it appropriate to title this with a curse word?

Apparently I have more work to do.  I thought this woman could annoy me, but that I had en-armored myself enough that she could not penetrate what has been lovingly (and not so lovingly) referred to as my armadillo skin.

Yeah.  FAIL.

Busy cycle at work continues.  As I write this, I am taking a quick break from a creating a PPt presentation for a presentation to a law school and our largest renewal grant.  I write this from a hotel room in my home state, approximately 80 miles away from my hometown, and 6 hours away from my home in another state.  Against better judgement, I let my hoarding, narcissistic mother know I would be nearby, and tentatively made plans 'to make plans' to meet for dinner on either Wednesday or Friday of this week.  I have not seen her since April of 2013- the last time I was able to attend this particular conference- 3 months before the health issue that nearly took my life with two major surgeries in 10 months, just for a frame of reference.  So I called her to firm up these plans.  

Yeah.  No.  Ever heard the saying "Some folks have a problem for every solution"?  This was my mother.  I offered a couple of options.  We could meet somewhere half way.  I could pick her up at her door and drop her off.  We could do one of two nights, as my conference schedule and my presenting schedule have me in harness until May 1st.  Her demurrals included the following reasons:

• Her taillight on her 22 year Honda is burnt out- she did not want to drive.
• She does not want to be out, driving or riding, after dark because of all the deer.
• She does not feel well due to an ear infection (that she spent 20 minutes telling me how much better she was feeling since her doctor's visit).
• She does not want to leave when the despised neighbor 'in the turn' is home to see her leave.
• She does not want to be away from her property at night as if she is, hordes will descend to steal, vandalize and pillage.

You get the picture.  I finally said to her that it appears a visit is not going to work this time.  She very effectively manipulated it so I 'did the deed' to kibosh the whole thing.  I was annoyed and hung up.  I had no more than walked away from my phone when my text indicator went off.  It was her neighbor who had called to check in as our call ended.  Mom was complaining to her that I was so close but could not find the time or effort to be bothered to come see her, she further speculated that it was because she thought I thought I would be asked to help her with something.

My first thought was ... F_ck you.  (Not the neighbor, but my hoarding mother).  I am so done with all of this.  She has driven me nearly mad with her manufactured drama regarding being bitten by the neighbor's puppy and her ear infection, and her recent increase in really screwed up statements (charming things like the police should not have the ability to treat a narcotic OD and all druggies should die and she has not seen a movie since 'Home Alone' because all movies have nothing but screwing and killing and drugs).

I am still processing this, and I realize it is yet another gaslighting/ambient abuse tactic, but I am so sick of it.  I creep closer to making the decision of going from low contact to no contact.  And I know this latest bit of asshattery was a punishment for setting and maintaining boundaries... but who is being punished here, really?  I think she will be disappointed to know it is not me.  I have been able to make lovely plans with friends for dinner each night that I had previously held open, and my trip has been more pleasant.  I also never doubted that her view of our relationship is sharply transactional, and I do not measure up, and that I only exist as an extension of her... I am merely a supporting cast member in her drama with her as the protagonist.  

I am done.  I am not making any more efforts, no matter how minor, to accommodate her.  My friend pointed out that at 78 or 79, this quite possibly could have been the last time I saw her.  Honestly, I suspect she will outlive me, but I doubt she will be provided another opportunity to see me.  In the 16 years I have lived in an adjoining state (7 hours away) she has never attempted to visit, not even during any surgery that I have had.  Granted, that made my life much easier... but it also sent me a clear message.  

Just restating the obvious.  I have no biological family.  I have never had a mother, except my lovely grandmother who did the best she could to fill that gap.  However, I have the most amazing family of choice, my friends.  And my FOC is who I will focus my love, my friendship, and my efforts on.

Have a great evening everyone.  Thank you for reading.

What did I expect?

Hard to believe that it has been a month since my last post!  In that month, not much as changed, other than I have been focusing on work (and working too damn much), doing some consulting, trying to have a social life after what is often 60-75 hour (or more) workweeks, and a bit of running... oh... and sleeping.  A little bit of that too.

My hoarding mother is still in her self created world of limited experiences, drama, and petty annoyances overblown to huge crises.  Nothing new there.  

What is new is October heralded two major life events for me.  One is the eight year anniversary at a job that I love (most days) and the other is the completion of a major personal goal, one that has eluded me for 2 years.  I ran a 1/2 marathon this weekend.  And I rocked it, if I say so myself.  Over 32 hours later and I am still in my happy spot, and I am proud of myself... something I cannot say I have ever experienced before.  

Now some folks may be saying to themselves, "So you ran 13.1 miles.  So what?"  And I can understand if you are.  This is a personal, personal goal.  Me against myself, I was not racing the other runners, I was racing ME.  In the past 4-5 years I have slowly lost over 100 pounds and resumed running, an activity I abandoned when I was in my early 20's.  Recently, (2013 and 2014) I have missed 3 half marathons that I have trained for due to a badly scarred Achilles tendon injury, a life threatening and nearly 11 pound tumor 3 months later, and 11 months after that, rupturing my mid line incision.  

Just 11 weeks after a second abdominal surgery, I ran my first 1/2.  I had hoped to run one in September, but it was too soon, as the one 3 weeks earlier was as well.  I had been thinking about this race and was concerned I was not ready.  As is my way, I am either full go or full stop, and in September when I was cleared to run on hills and outside, I hit the road with a vengeance,  logging in 112 miles in a month (and not even a full month, more like just over 2 1/2 weeks).  Predictably to everyone but me, I over trained... And I hit the wall in early October.  My Achilles tendon injury flared again, and I feared that I would have to try a race in November as it looked unlikely I was going to meet my goal.  I did a lot of figurative self-flagellation, and was really frustrated.  

At the last minute, I registered anyway and decided to give it all that I had.  It would be for the experience if not for the likelihood of success. And by registering that late, there was little chance of backing out without losing my registration fee.  Then reality set in.  I had been adding lifting and weight work back into my routine, eating a bit differently, and mixing in other cardio with my runs, but doing frequent but short runs.  WHAT WAS I DOING?  There was a 3 hour sweep, but in my researching races I mistakenly thought this race had a 2:45 sweep.  I am not a fast runner.  My personal record recently is under an 11 mile minute, but my usual is in the mid 12 range.  There was NO WAY I believed I would finish this race before they packed it up.  

Now, several friends had said they wanted to support me in this, cheer me on and cheer me at the finish.  I was honestly touched, appreciative, and also determined that I was not going to have my imminent failure be witnessed by those I hold in such high regard.  I also felt this race, this particular race... Well, it was personal.  This was me against me.  This was me against the medical crises of the past year.  This was me against my own body... or me WITH my own body.  

Long story short, I did it.  I beat 2:45 by 50 seconds. I did it!  I realized the night before that all the negative self talk was going to ensure that I did not succeed, and I was engaging in 'all or nothing' thinking, and hoarder think.  Going to the worst and most hopeless scenario.  The day before I focused on eating and resting, and changing the commentary feedback loop in my head.  The day of, driving to the race, I focused on thoughts of consistency, being strong, and failure was not an option.  I set the goal of between 2:30 and 2:45 to finish.  I was READY.  I was going to do this.  And do it I did.  Was it easy?  NO.  Was it challenging?  Yes.  And I reveled in every mile, and although I would not be able to run a marathon, I felt I could have continued another 5-7 miles.  I had been fighting the injury and the extreme pelvic pain from my surgeries for the final 5 miles, but I was doing okay, and I powered past the pack I was running in the last few hundred yards.  I was so happy and overjoyed.  I DID IT!!!!!  

For me, it was NOT an empty success because I was alone, but that much more striking because of it.  I raced me, and I won.  And I was there to celebrate it at the finish line and to cheer others as they finished. I ran slowly, steadily, and I did it.

Now, this is where hoarding comes in.  I was so happy with my pictures, my medal, my prize, and most of all, the knowledge that I actually did this, that I called my hoarding mother to tell her the next day, which is today.  (I let my friends know via Facebook, and the celebrations are continuing throughout the week... some folks were a bit disappointed I did this on my own, but they understood it.  And I love them for that!)

Ugh.  Why do I do this to myself!?!?  She has no concept of how big a damn deal this was to me.  NONE.  She immediately started with how my father had heart disease an I should be careful... Basically intimating that I was going to die.  I was gobsmacked.  I figured she would find some way to turn the conversation about her, or minimize my achievement, or focus on how crazy she thinks it is, or how dangerous (a woman running alone on the highways... GASP!) but this?  Really?  And she knows how freaking important this is to me.  She cannot even step out of her own stuff for a moment to be proud that I succeeded in completing something that did not come easily.

To my credit, I did not let her steal my pride in overcoming so much, and in achieving one of my goals.  Just five years ago if you would have told me I would be running a half marathon and getting a finisher's medal I would have laughed myself silly. I got off the phone quickly, and my response was one of incredulity.  

I got home and got out of my little car, and as I grabbed my handbag out of the back seat, I noticed the 13.1 sticker I put on my car the day before.  Not to brag, but to remind myself of my ability to overcome, and to never flood myself with self-doubt again.  That 13.1 sticker represents so much.  I did it.  I DID IT.  Before writing this blog, I was looking at full races for the spring.  I hope to do 26.2 before the end of next summer.  And I will do it.  My time frame may be different, and it may take many tries before I achieve it, but I will do it.  The silver lining I took from growing up in the dysfunction and abuse of a hoarding household is dogged persistence and resilience.  It has served me well thus far... And the next race, whether it be a 5K, a 10K, a 13.1 or a 26.2... I will let whomever wishes to come support me and cheer me on do so.  It does not matter if I finish before the race is over, all that matters is that I try, and keep trying.  Not only with running, with letting others be there for me.  That is a lesson that I have to keep learning, but I will get it. 

And my mother?  Her response is just another example of her illness, and her dogged refusal to see anything other than her own limited view of the world.  

Hoarding... no one wins.  But, maybe I can make the best of the challenges I have faced.  I honestly do have little other choice, as I believe life is meant to be lived at full volume.

Thank you for reading!

I wonder if we can do a Hoarding Show that is a spoof of the Twilight Zone?

My conversation with my hoarding mother was a hodge-podge of all her usual strategies and manufactured drama, but she has some new scenarios but same old modus operandi.  The highlights of this conversation included:

She finally had the test she was scheduled for the day she hit the deer.  Or according to her, the day the deer hit HER.  Anyway, apparently she needs a stress test as it appears she has a blockage.  She has been complaining of symptoms that appear vascular in nature for years... edema, more pronounced in the left leg, shortness of breath, the list goes on... But she has successfully blocked any opportunity to diagnose the source of her concerns.  It also hit me that after all the drama she hyped about temporal arteritis, she has not mentioned it for weeks, and I believe she never did have the test.  She was started on treatment, but I am not clear if she is still taking the antibiotics.  It is only her eyesight, cognition, etc. that is at risk!  So with this potential heart blockage, it is hard to tell what the deal truly is.  She has a significant family history of it, and already the denial is beginning.  She states that she does not understand how this is possible since she 'does not eat junk' and 'never adds table salt.  

Seriously?  Most everything this woman eats comes through a drive through window or is some highly processed crap from a box or a can.  I am just gobsmacked.  And not to make this about me, but it also hit me that with my father dying of heart disease as most if not all of his family has, and with her potentially having heart disease, I will need to continue to work to eat healthy and to exercise as I am post menopausal, and this also has impact for my estranged 1/2 sister.  But I digress...  

Her conversation moves on to a two women with several foster kids moving into the large house across the street.  She is continuing her assault on at least 3 other neighbors who have the misfortune of living near her/moving near her, and now she has another person or family to antagonize and obsess over.  Another group of folks to add to the list to send flowers to!  

She is also obsessing about being on an antiretroviral medication to help avoid another outbreak of the shingles, and is less than thrilled that it is a medication that is advertised heavily on TV to treat herpes simplex infections.  God forbid anyone think she had herpes!  The horror!  I gleefully advised her that shingles, chicken pox, etc. was a form of the herpes virus.  I just gave her something to think about...

There is much more, but I will save that for the next episode of 'From the Mouth of a Hoarder'... Coming soon!

As always, thanks for reading.