My patience is wearing thin, my resilience thinner...

I am exhausted today. Lost a colleague and mentor who I thought very highly of yesterday, and my NM's narc sister (who is also a hoarder) has been calling and I have been ignoring her calls. She has not called for over a year (I think), and the day she called was the day I learned a friend in my circle of friends died unexpectedly, someone I had went out with as friends a couple of times (this was last week). As many know, I am on call all the time, and was sloppy in picking up the phone this one time, and she got me. She asked 'how are things with you?' and I replied 'been better, what can I help you with?' and that was the last thing I said until goodbye.

She is having a psychotic break again, and just returned from her 6th 302 (involuntary commitment). In this call, she informed me: She was attacked by my narc sister (who is also a hoarder- see a pattern here?) and her arms have had the tendons ripped from the bones but she has used things she learned in PT in the past to get them back, and she can barely hold a tea cup despite telling a story she had to wait holding over $200 in groceries for a cab to come because 'he' wrecked her car and tried to kill her and the DMV marked it as unsafe and has a salvage title. She has never said who 'he' is. She had been accusing a neighbor's son of playing music in her house and car before, and then suddenly was in love with him- I assume this is the person. She now says she has a more restrictive thing than a PFA that is forever (nothing like that exists in her state), that he was looking in her hospital window when she was committed and snatching cell phone connections from the air to transmit messages she can only hear, but now the hospital heard them too, and that she got a BB gun at Walmart and the guy at the counter told her how to shoot so the person would bleed to death. She claims to have boarded up her house, now has two dogs, and is threatening to 'kill him' if he comes in her house. She claims he is talking about how nasty her vagina is, and has turned people against her. She claims to now be paraplegic and that my 1/2 narc sister attacked her using a military move. She then said she is going to lose her house, etc. She then switched to how she has not seen me in a long time, and sort of asked me for money and/or to come stay with me.

NO and NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I have blocked her number. I cannot take this level of craziness. She is just as dysfunctional as my mother, and she did nothing to protect her daughter from her pedophile father. Something she and my 1/2 sister have in common, not protecting their children from sexual predators, then disowning their kids when their trauma histories impact their choices as adults. I did make a wellness call to APS in her state without giving my information. This is not going to end well.

Work is extremely stressful, and as folks may remember I have had major surgery in mid August, and am on the cusp of figuring out what will most likely be a chronic, autoimmune and autonomic disorder. Someone close to me has attempted suicide and I am trying to provide support while he untangles that and the legal charges he is now facing because of that attempt, and I am just feeling like much of my resilience is being sucked out of me, and my NM is SSDD, and is escalating in her paranoia and nastiness, and she is on the extreme LC plan with me.

Thank goodness for my sweet kitties. I am just feeling really frustrated, have tons of medical bills, and the holidays are coming and I still have not shopped for my family of choice... My friends. I am hoping that 2018 is a better year for us all.

Hoarding, and the co-occurring mental illness. No one wins. Thanks for reading, and have a good week.

Oh no she didn't! She is pushing me closer to going no contact...

Let me start with what a rough week this has been.  Nothing earth shattering, but just a tough week at work, in my personal life, and this is a tough time of year it seems.  I am also getting sick, and am really tired and not sleeping well.  And what does my hoarding mother do?  Makes it that much more difficult.  Just because she can...

My last post was about my amazement at her soaring over boundaries.  Oh... that was just the warm up for today.  Let me give you a bit of background.

A few years ago my mother met a slightly older woman who was narcissistic as she is, and definitely on the hoarding scale.  They hit it off, but as any relationship with her is doomed to fail, this one did.  Sadly, the friend (who I will call Edna) developed severe dementia, and the drop into confusion and paranoia was UGLY, and for her, relatively quick.  When my hoarding mother became the newest villain in Edna's lifetime drama, my mother went no contact.  Prior to that, she was obsessing over a small pedigreed dog Edna had purchased, and had never potty trained, crate trained, or fed dog food.  I asked on Facebook if anyone knew of a rescue for that breed of dog, and a high school friend stated that she volunteered with an animal rescue and she loved those types of dogs, and she would be glad to help.  I let my mother know that I had found a resource when the time came, if she had the opportunity to get the dog.  This was most likely almost a year ago.  I did not give her much information, but I must have inadvertently said this person's first name.  And it is a common first name, and is shared by one of my best friends in high school that has worked at a local discount store that my mother shops at for the past 20+ years.  Not that my mother speaks to her or acknowledges her, but she knows she works there.  I will call her Gidget.  

So... Today...  I run a residential nonprofit, and it is an understatement to say that some days are a bit busy.  Today was one of those days.  I had a 7:30am board meeting for a civic service club I am part of, and then I (with two other staff, one being my business office professional I will call Meg) had an appointment at the courthouse for a work related matter.  Since we have to go through security, I did not take my phone or purse to the courthouse.  I was there approximately one hour.  I returned to the office, met with staff on a couple of matters, when I went downstairs briefly to the staff main office where I encountered one of my front line staff members who seemed confused and conflicted, and asked if Meg was in her office and had listened to her voicemail after a bit of stammering and awkwardness.  I went upstairs, and the staff had reached Meg, who told her that someone calling the direct services number rather than the office number had called and asked if this was our agency's name, and identified herself as my mother, sounded really upset, and that she needed to speak to Meg right away.  (She has pulled this crap of calling Meg to try to get information before, and Meg has her MO).  

I looked at my cell, and I saw a missed call and a voicemail.  At that point it was about 70 minutes ago, so she would have called about the point I left for the courthouse.  I did not listen to the message, I just called her.

She sounded escalated and upset.  She told me of Edna being out in the yard naked waving her pistol (that she has a concealed carry permit for) around and the police were called and they got adult protective services over there, and Edna ended up being 302'd (involuntarily committed) and she will go to a memory care center when she is out of crisis and medicated properly.  Her stepson had flown up from FL, and called my mother and asked if she could see about the dog, which started her off and going.  She said since she could not get me, she called Gidget and Gidget acted like she did not know what my mother was talking about, and she mentioned she found her at a local school.  I asked her who she called... and she clammed up on that part, only saying APS called the humane society and they had the dog, and one of their volunteers 'fell in love with it and is adopting it'.  I ended the call.

WHO DID SHE CALL?  I was furious.  I briefly considered the only Gidget she knew that I knew was the one that worked at the discount store, but I did not understand the school piece my mother mentioned so I dismissed the thought that she would have called her.  

I was also furious that she again made something a capital-E-emergency that was not, and called the direct services line of my organization.  Now, I tend to be a bit of a private person, and I have not had the discussion with new staff that I have a seriously mentally ill mother.  Now, thanks to this, I had to have an uncomfortable discussion with a few staff members, and as I left the room I saw their look of empathy... 

I went on with my day, and it continued to be a long and hard one for multiple reasons.  I left to come home, and I decided to call my mother to get to the bottom of who she called.  She again directly evaded any discussion of her calling Gidget.  I ended the call and ran a few errands, including picking up some Chinese take out.  I got home, checked social media on my phone, and saw a message from Gidget, my high school friend.  This IS who she called.  Gidget said she called the store multiple times, and somehow found out where her son goes to school and that she works there on Wednesdays, and called her being demanding about the dog.

I was horrified, embarrassed, angry, and I am also just so defeated at this point.  I know this will pass, and I reached out to a dear friend to vent to.  Thankfully, Gidget was gracious and saw the humor in this.  

She exhausts me.  I may have more to say on this later, but right now, all I can think about is this is why I jumped at the chance to move over 7 hours away.  This is why I keep her on the low contact plan This is why I do not visit, and why she sits alone on holidays and the like.  She is absolutely toxic, and that toxicity just tears me apart.  She keeps working to puncture the nice, organized life with appropriate boundaries I have created for myself.  And she seems to go for the sphere that is the most off limits... my career space.  I have not listened to the voicemail she left earlier today.  I may just delete it without reviewing it, as I feel it will just stoke all the feelings of anger, frustration and helplessness that I am trying to process tonight so I can keep my game face on at work tomorrow.

She is getting worse.  Much, much worse.  And she still has a long way to fall before she can be forced to accept help.  I just hope we do not have her shooting her guns naked in her yard someday before that happens.

Thank goodness for good friends, and my two sweet kitties that have showered me in love and affection tonight.  I do not know what I have done to deserve the folks and furry family in my life.

Hoarding.  No one wins.  No one.  This will not end well.  Thank you for reading.  I think I am heading to bed.  Tomorrow will be a long day as well.