Sunday, January 12, 2014

Yep. It is that time. It is 'From the Mouth of a Hoarder' Time!

Happy 2014 to all!  Been a bit intense lately, so I thought I would do another installment of FTMOAH.

Those who read my last blog know that my hoarding mother called me at work to essentially insult me.  That seems to be her new attempt at a strategy since the others are not getting her any traction.  She seems to be trying to take this strategy to another level and trying to be subtle in the most passive aggressive, narcissistic way possible is her new angle on trying to get under my skin.  Honestly... all I can do is laugh after I end the call.
This group of statements are all things she and I have discussed many times over the past days, weeks, months... years... you get the picture.  Of course, when I say it, she refuses to understand, get it, and asks the same question 401,204 times.  She hears it from someone in a waiting room, at Walmart, on Dr. Oz, etc. and it is the new gospel that she needs to educate me on!  Ai yi yi...

"Did you know that they do not routinely remove appendixes anymore during abdominal surgery?  Apparently they do have a function and are not useless like I thought!  I thought they just did that, but they don't!  You might still have yours..."  (I do.)

"Dr. Oz says artificial sweeteners actually cause weight gain even though they have no calories!  And they can be harmful!  That is so scary!" (Never mind Aspartame gives me thunderclap migraines and Splenda put me into stage 2 renal failure...)

"Did you know that the stuff they put on fruits and vegetables is so harmful?" (No.  That is why I buy locally grown, organic vegetables and fruits...)  

"Do you know that hearing aids don't cure all hearing loss?  Supposedly if you have not heard a certain level or consonants for a number of years your brain 'forgets' how to hook that all together.  Think that is why I have such a hard time hearing people?  But young people and women TALK SO FAST!"

There are many more, but you get the idea.  And she is just flabbergasted when I apprise her this is not a news flash.  And that we have discussed these things before.  
She also continues to walk down the aisle of "I cannot see anything other than my own weird assumptions and my own perspective".  Things of late that have been conversation stoppers...

"I cannot understand with having a military pension and being retired from the police they do not have any money."

"Do they still not bury people when it is so cold?  When I was a little girl the neighbor girl died and they brought the coffin home and it sat in their living room until warmer weather.  It started to smell really bad..."

"When the bank sends something to someone ON THE INTERNET [emphasis mine... but she says it the same dramatic way each time] can everyone see it?  Or just the person the send it to?"

"[Asking about one of my friends abruptly] does that job pay well?  They always seem to be travelling or doing SOMETHING."

"There were people next door stomping around.  I think they are going to bring a trailer in.  A TRAILER!  Like we need that to bring down property values here!" (Um... actually, living next to YOU will bring down their property value...)

"I have been reusing my newspaper bags/sleeves.  I cover my feet in lotion and put the bags on to sleep.  It is working!  My feet are no longer sharp and cut my socks with the crust around my heels." (Retching... sorry... if I get to hear it, I feel I must share the joy!)
There is much more.  I need to use my voice memo to keep track of it all, as this kind of stuff has become so commonplace that it is hard to keep track of.  And she is getting worse.  All I can do is keep to my plan of keeping contact short and only a few times a week.

Hoarding... no one wins.  NO ONE.  Have a good evening and thanks for reading.  


  1. "Sharp feet". Because you sit around all day wondering...

    I love the humor you have adopted in dealing with these statements. You keep that up. 2014 is our year!

  2. :-) Such a pity my hoarding mother does not find me amusing!

    And she better be glad that my bluetooth setup has a mute... as her discussion of her 'crust' on her heels and 'sharp feet' caused massive retching noises and all kinds of disgusted noises. I am glad it was o'dark'late and no one could see me in my car, as they might have called Crisis Intervention or an ambulance. I. HATE. FEET. Especially graphic discussions of NASTY feet!

    Best of wishes for 2014- hoping you find lots of laughter!