Friday, January 4, 2013

OMG- Speaking of 'Gifts'

I was speaking with another COH yesterday.  He has been dealing with his 90+ father who has dementia, is fighting them at each turn, and can be as mean as a snake.

'Eddie' was at his father's home doing a forced clean out so his father can use his motorized scooter and can actually bathe.  (The HP has MRSA, and has infected his son twice, and his toddler grandson!!!)  Anyway, I digress.  

There is a lot of passive aggressive stuff there, but 'Eddie' was there over Christmas.  His father always gives everyone else 'hoardy' gifts, but never gives him anything... which he is FINE with.  His half brother 'Herman' had flown in from the Midwest to help with the hoard clean out.  

Want to guess what his Christmas gift was?  A hale and healthy middle aged man who had to FLY to get to his hoarding father's home?

Give up?

A Zap Cane.  


That's right.  A Zap Cane. 

It is a piece of crap cane with a flashlight in the handle, and a taser at the end.  

My advice to 'Eddie' was the following... If his brother had missed his chance to have his prostrate examined, all he would have to do is take that little number to the airport.  I guarantee that the TSA would give him an 'exam' for free.  And possibly 3 hots and a cot.

It is not a competition, but I think fellow COH's 'Eddie' and 'Herman' win the bad/bizarre gift completion for COH's... if there was such a thing.

And the entire time 'Eddie' was speaking of this, I had horrified visions of my hoarding mother discovering that such a thing exists.  She will buy 4 million of them.  (That is a slight exaggeration.  She will buy at least 6.  I guarantee it.) She wants a taser currently and has been ruminating about it, and is looking for the 'perfect' cane to replace the 42 year old one she is using now.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE... do not let her ever know this item exists.  She is already a menace with a concealed carry for a handgun, and if she had this thing, she would tase anyone that annoyed her.  And she is always annoyed.  And I am not bailing her butt out or will not post bail if it happens.

I fear it is just a matter of time.  Yeesh.  Who thinks up this crap?!

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