Sunday, April 7, 2013

Another enthralling episode of ... From the mouth of a hoarder...

Welcome to this episode of 'From the mouth of a hoarder'.  Or better known as 'how to make Lisabeth's head explode'.

These are recent gems-
"...[Long drawn out monologue full of elitism and subtle racism]... so why does someone of that ...uh...denomination... "

Wait... WHAT?  Do you mean ethnicity?  

"Yeah- whatever... Nationality, denomination, persuasion..."

Um- words have meanings, and those words have very distinct, different, and potentially invalidating or offensive meaning when used indiscriminately like this.
I mentioned a picture fell off the wall in passing...

"That is SO WEIRD!  [Monologue of an ugly-ass 45 year old picture clock that fell off of the wall when she replaced the battery, and continued discussion of even more hideous oil painting that used to hang over the back of the couch falling several years ago... fast forward to monologue of a picture falling at a neighbor's house 10 years ago when they were on the phone... continues to discussion that reinforces her ability to jump to inappropriate conclusions based on circumstantial and largely unrelated situations.]  Well, I certainly hope THAT is not going to start again!"

'I hope [what]' is not going to start happening again?

"Things falling off the walls!"

Seriously?  <SMH>
Protracted discussion of her 'thinking' about people, things, etc. and her conviction that she is psychic.  Then she will melodramatically scream, "I HATE WHEN THIS STUFF HAPPENS!  WHY does this STUFF happen to ME?  I do NOT WANT this to happen!"

Because babies are born naked?

"You are a smart ass like your father."
My father passed away 24 years ago this month.  She has been fixated on 24 years and how young she was to lose him.  She was 53 or 54, which is young to lose your husband.  

"[Morosely] Do you know what today is?"
"It is the day that your father [adds some horrific event in the progression to his untimely death]."

"I think you need therapy!  You have never dealt with the death of your father!"

(My response, which may seem heartless, is after 10 years of being empathetic, offering grief resources, and otherwise ignoring that she chose to:

  • Be out of the room when he died
  • Tell me as I held his hand as his body started to cool that I killed him
  • Make my life hell at the funeral, locking me out of the limo, screaming at me to get away from her when they closed the casket, and telling everyone I was using drugs (I was not, and was a good student in college) and incited several folks to give me a tongue lashing at the funeral and at the viewing
  • Screw me over on my trust fund that dad was executor on and she was able to grab, although it was supposed to not fall into her hands
  • Sold a classic car that he and I worked on together that was to be mine
  • Sold anything of mine that was of any value from the previous trust estate, when she lets go of NOTHING else... the person that had left things in trust had passed just a few months earlier
  • To this day she has not closed out/finalized his estate
I simply cannot listen to her narcissistic, revisionist history.)

Phrases that make me want to run screaming:

  • "Do you use/do/{insert verb here}?"  No.  "Well I always..." <Groan>
  • "How do you {insert inappropriate personal hygiene, elimination, or other vile act}..."  I am not having this conversation.  "Well, I [continues inappropriate topic in detail that could make a biological hazmat team puke]..."
  • "The WEIRDEST/CRAZIEST/MOST SCARY [pick one] happened today!"
  • "You will never guess what happened/I saw..."  <Crickets chirping>  "... [Continues on] Well, I ..."
  • "I need to ask you a question, and I need an answer!  Why would [insert inappropriate question of body process, disease process, elimination issue, etc.] ..."  Ask your doctor.  (That always results in excuses and sputtering.)
  • "How much do you think that type of job pays?"
  • "How much do you think that costs?"
  • "Do you regret not..."
  • "Just like in the big city!"  This is stated after she complains of a wreck on the country road near her house or drug activity in a nearby larger town.  And by larger we are talking 30K folks in the town and surrounding area.
  • "Well.  I wonder what SHE wants...." (This is after a Wonderful Stranger has lost their WS place on a pedestal.)
  • "Well.  Maybe I am weird but I ALWAYS ...."
Other oddities continue- like her fixation on Jessica Lynch, her obsession on her injuries, how 'pretty' she is, etc.  She also was elevating the young reality show star of MTV's Buckwild that died with 2 others due to carbon monoxide poisoning to hero status.  She also has asked 3,967 questions [a slight over-exaggeration] about CO death and with a morbid interest.  She also exclaimed, "None of that show is true, he is not like that!  It is all made up!  They said that at the doctor's office!"  Um- yeah... no reality show is truly reality...

There have been many, many others in the past couple of weeks, but honestly they are all blending together into one big ball of unpleasantness.  She is getting worse.  Much worse.

Yesterday as we were ending the call she was obsessing on something and was chiding me on 'taking unnecessary chances' on something that is rewarding, and yes, everything has risk.  When I informed her that I would rather try, and fail miserably, than stay in the 'safe zone'... from my perspective at the end of my life I will most likely regret what I did not try, rather than what I did try and ended badly.  To me, a life lived in the shadow of not trying anything because of the possibility of failure is, in my opinion, a life wasted.  She did not like that conversation.  Too close to home maybe?  

I am rethinking the 5 times a week contact effort.  I do this as she has NO ONE.  But- that is through her choices.  Maybe it is time to whittle this down to 2 times a week.  


  1. Five times a week does seem like a lot.

  2. It is Rosemary! I waver in my determination to call her once or twice a week since the behavior will be off the charts negative. I also have a concern of her pulling stunts like she did a few summers ago, falling in the garage-hoard and laying for hours before she managed to get up, burning herself badly on the riding mower, and lots of other types of behavior that still fall under the line of getting Adult Protective Services involved. My favorite incident (being sarcastic) is when I received a call out of the blue from a surgeon stating, "Your mother is in recovery, and I think she will keep her hand and we can deal with the systemic infection." I know she is in active self determination... :-(