A while ago, March 12 of 2013 actually, I shared about my hoarding mother's discovery of a turd in her hoarded home. If you have not had the... pleasure... you can read it for yourself.
Click here to read the blog about the discovery of the 'poo' object
Although I had NOT forgotten about our conversation nearly a month ago, I had not mentioned it, asked her about it, etc. That is my new strategy for my sanity. Not participating in the crazy.
So- because I am so obviously a masochist, I called her on my way home to check in.
"I just got back! [Rambling litany of complaints that launched with 'I am so mad I could KILL!'... her normal precursor. One would think she ran the Boston Marathon, but it was in actuality about 3 errands/stops... one that includes the library.] And something really WEIRD happened."
"Today I just had the word 'snake' come into my mind... it was weird! So when I went to the library I asked the 'girl' behind the counter [You mean the librarian? OY!] if she would 'do something disgusting' for me..."
<Inwardly I cringe and add the one-woman-operator of the local library to my 'needs flowers for dealing with her list'.>
"And she said that it depended on what it was! She acted so weird! I liked [the previous librarian who was the only employee until her retirement in 2010] so much better, but anyway, I asked her to help me figure out what snake poop looks like [and she begins to ask me if I essentially knew you could look such things up on THE INTERNET and proceeds on with no response forthcoming from me]."
At this point, I simply pull my car over to the side of the road to listen to this. I know it is going to be off the charts batshit crazy. If this were an earthquake, it would be a magnitude of approximately 7.5...
For purposes of brevity... I will offer a synopsis of the 'gems' of this conversation... they are:
- Her lengthy and odd descriptions of the poo/discussion of the poo... using words like 'half a prune, consistency...
- Her discussion with the librarian of the birdseed in the poo, and the librarian's advising her that the snake could have eaten a bird or a small rodent that would result in that...
- Her conclusion based on that Google search and resultant discussion that "the [hated] a$$hole [neighbor] in the turn" is responsible... "You KNOW that, THAT SNAKE, did not get into my house naturally.
- In response to my question of, "How so?" She went off on a rant about she could tell that her door had been opened with a credit card and he would not have to open the door very far... her conclusions also included that the snake could not have gotten under the [large] gap under her kitchen door and so it went downstairs.
- She mistakes me for a herpetologist and asks me how long snakes can live without food. I advised her that it is most likely the snake is there because there is a food supply, and remind her of the mouse fiasco a few years ago.
- This causes utter indignation- and she haughtily informs me that there is not even a single bug in her house...
- She was ranting about the [hated neighbor] should go 'visit his mother'. His mother died of lung cancer several years ago. She then started her violent ideation which I advised her that she needed to change the subject immediately or our call was over.
- She acidly asked how the snake got in organically then asked about the dryer vent, which has no screen or anything in it now because she has used it to hide things on occasion [don't ask]. Where it is it is approximately 5 inches off the ground, and there is a whole 'hoardy' mess of a box for the feral cats to eat out of directly in front of it, and the cat feeding is drawing all kinds of vermin into the yard. She then had a freak out that he put the snake down the dryer vent and he could do something else! Horrors! And more comments about how she needed the 'Equalizer' [a horribly schmaltzy 80's US filmed vigilante show that she LOVED]
- She talked about how she would 'be careful' now before she reaches into anything downstairs...