Wednesday, October 23, 2013

From the Mouth of a Hoarder... There is no end in sight!

Wow.  It seems the past 32 days have flown by.  What have I been doing that has kept me from my blogging responsibilities?  Things that include: 

  • The Federal Shutdown that threatened the very existence of the agency in which I work.  
  • Getting caught up from being off.
  • End of the year reporting, end of the quarter reporting, grant proposals, never ending meetings.
  • Health crises and surgeries of friends, deaths of friends' family members
  • And having a newer car to travel almost every weekend.  
So- back to reality and working to get into a more normal schedule while attempting to keep some work and life balance, and some distance/balance with my hoarding mother.  

She has popped off some real gems lately.  Again, hoarding is a series of behavior, and poor insight, extreme narcissism and lack of empathy seem to be at the core of this disorder... the stuff is merely a symptom.  

But... to the list:
  • [Talking about her dry rotted, wind damaged porch screens that she insists the neighbor she dislikes damaged intentionally.  Ditto for her storm doors]  "... I do not know what to do.  I know as soon as I fix them they will just get torn up again, so why bother?"  You know there are other things a bit more imminent at this moment right?  Like upgrading the electric in your house, replacing this fence that is rusting apart... "[Blustering about the cost] No one will give me an estimate on what I want for a security system!  They all come out here, tell me what they want to do, and never send an estimate or come back! Lazy b@st@rds do not want to work!"  Do you think something might be shying them off?  "Well!  Any time I have someone here for an estimate 'HE' has to drive by.  I think 'HE' scares them off!"  Why of course.  I should have known.
  • [Talking about her neighbor to the rear of her property]"I am so mad I could just KILL.  She is NOT the person I thought she was.  I just don't call her, and I don't care.  I have done things for her and I have asked her to do a couple of minor things for me and she would not! I ..." Do you mean the trail camera on her roof deal and identifying your riding lawnmower that she might have seen at a range closer than a hundred yards once as being 'switched out' for old parts?  "Yes!  She KNOWS it is NOT my lawnmower and she recommended that thief to me!"
  • "Whatever happened to Stabler?"  Huh?  Who?  "Stabler from Special Victims Unit?  Did they kill him off?  Does he come back?  I have NEVER seen him on anything else!"  Um... No television by choice remember?  For nearly 3 years now?  And never watched that show?  "Well- I am sure your friends watch it and talk about it!"  No, they don't. They know I am not interested in TV, and we have lots of other things to talk about.  Politics, societal trends... "I find that hard to believe..."
  • Many, many things that start with, "Do you <verb> noun?"  No.  "Well, let me tell you what I do..."  UGH.
  • The same 7 topic areas in regards to her cats and their behavior that always starts with, "Do your cats do ____?  Mine drive me crazy doing _____!  It is so STRANGE!"  And the kicker?  It is not strange.  It is always normal hierarchical cat behavior that one would see in a non-related, mega-cat household.  And, with the stressors they have of little horizontal and vertical space, one cat box for 6 cats, and being confined to a small bathroom at night and when she is not there... No wonder they are neurotic!
  • "I cannot believe you leave your cats out in your apartment when you are not there!  What if they tear up something and choke?  Catch a toenail on furniture and hang themselves?  Someone would break in or maintenance would come in?  What if someone shoots them or throws something through the window at them?  [The list goes on and on gets more preposterous, but you get the idea!] You would never get them both!  They would hide and die! They would..." Oy.
  • "Do you see things?"  What?  "Do your eyes play tricks on you?"  Um... NO.  "Today I was in a parking lot [long story short, she saw a demarcation in the pavement and saw it as a curb and it was not].  I guess THAT stuff is going to start happening!"
  • "Oh... next door they are running a JUNK YARD!  It looks so terrible with all this junky stuff outside."  Really?  Do. Tell.
  • Fat-shaming her cats, and anyone that she knows or sees that is 'so big!'
  • Statements that clearly show ethnocentrism,racism, are hetero-normative, or are sexist in nature.  And being pissy and defensive when it is pointed out.
  • [Changing gears mid-topic in a conversation] "What do you tell, um people, when people, are ... um... bothering them..."  What?  "Well, 'he' (hated neighbor in the turn is fill-in-the-blank with whatever minute thing she is now attributing to him." We have had this conversation over and over.  I am not having it again.  Have you kept a stalking log?  Taken pictures and recorded in the log dates, times, context and who was present?  Have you spoke to the police, and kept calling them with new information?  No?  Then I will not keep spending hours discussing safety planning and practice when you are not working on your end of it.  "[Sputtering and blustering]"
  • "Do they use those light bulbs where you are?"  What bulbs?  "LEDs!  They are doing away with all the others here! I hate LEDs!  They do not last like others and..."  They did that years ago here, and it is not just LED bulbs that are available.  <smdh>
  • "I have to go to the dentist this week, and get a cleaning.  And you know the greedy b@st@rds charge the whole cost of the cleaning!  I only have 11 teeth!  They should only charge 1/3..."
  • "I was watching this untold stories of the ER.  Did you know people often stick things up their hind ends and get them stuck or stick their worm [her derisive word for penis] in things and get them stuck? I fail to see what is so great about that little WORM hanging between their legs..."
I could go on, but you get the picture.  

As the world turns, these are the days of our HOARD. <Oh>.  Have a great week, what remains of it, and thank you for reading!


  1. She's getting worst fast isn't she? Oh I wish I could wave a wand. Remember to take care of YOU.


  2. Yes she is. I wish we both had one of those magic wands... think of all the things we could do!

    Bwah ha ha... Oh:-)

    I am still keeping her on the 3 times a week plan, and trying to keep her at an arm's distance. This is not going to end well... Ugh.

    Thanks for the encouragement!!!! Onward and upward!