Wednesday, September 2, 2015

OMG... From the Mouth of a Hoarder (FTMOAH)

She has been on a roll the past few days.  From starting needless arguments at Kmart to harassing poor folks at doctor's practices and drive throughs... Her reign of terror continues.  It is time for... FTMOAH!

"I found an old starter pistol that must have belonged to your father.  It still has the price tag on it.  Do you know any schools I could donate it to?"

For what?

"For gym class or races.  They use starter pistols, right?  I guess I could donate it, but I hate to see some kid..."

You know that fires blanks, right?  And blanks are not toys, folks can die from a point blank shot from a blank (no pun intended).

"Sputtering... but I do not want it... Should I take it to the library?"  (Pronounced Li-BERRY)

For what?

"So they can tell me what it is worth..."
Later in the day, phone call from my hoarding mother... 

"I am glad I did not call the police station, the firing range or any of that - it is worth some PENNIES!"


"It is worth $75!!!"

Oh brother.
"Do you have problems with hair on your lip?"

No.  We are not discussing this for the 200,459th time.  

"Well, I ..."

<Dial tone>

"My legs are just so dry.  If I run my hands down them it looks like it is snowing, white flakes go EVERYWHERE!"

GAG.  <Silent violent retching>

"He has been in the house!  ..."

I asked if she kept a stalking journal (which I know she has not because she has said so in earlier conversations)...

"Yes!  That is how I know he has been in the house!  It was on the dishwasher... [dramatic pause] And now it is GONE!"

Shared I exceeded my goal of running over 1,000 miles in a year.

"[In morose voice]... You need to watch that... Your dad died because of his heart, and all that exertion..."

<Primal scream>

Just a few recent gems.  One of these days I am going to face palm so badly that I will wreck my car.


  1. She's getting worst. Your neighbors will tire of her soon.

    oh well!

    I can't wait til you go on a cruise!. That will be so good for your head. and don't you DARE call her while you are gone.

    Be sane


  2. She is getting worse. By the day... It saddens me that anyone, including a relative, can be so stuck' in their dysfunction that life is something to be merely endured rather than enjoyed. And no worries, I am not calling her. Not even taking my phone. No laptop. No iPad or Gpad. Nothing. I need to disconnect totally, and although I would not be tempted to call her, I learned in a recent conversation with the neighbor that when my ex husband and I took a cruise 11 years ago she was harassing local travel agents as to how to get a hold of me. REALLY? All I have to say is ... she better not... that will not go well for her. Counting down the days... 70 days until I leave. I am so excited!!!!!

  3. If we didn't bear the burden alone of our parent's illness so heavily, our mother's illness and mental state would be more pitiable. I'm glad that you have found a source of safe venting and a place where others can commiserate. I'm envious of your commitment to self-care. It's so important and definitely something I can improve on. So proud of your 1,000 mile achievement!