Wow. I am sorry it has been so long! First the humorous... Or not.
Little changes for my hoarding mother. She is continuing her downward spiral, but that is fodder for discussion on another day.
She has a 'hoardy' person that lives nearby to her, and I would not say that she is a friend, but an acquaintance... A transactional acquaintance. She 'collects' all kinds of crap to recycle, and she mentioned that she had an infestation of what my hoarding mother calls 'ground moles'. Now, apparently my hoarding mother read in a book or an article (probably 'Hints from Heloise' who I refer to as the Patron Saint of Hoarding') that used kitty litter will drive them away. So, she collects a few days worth of her 6 cats' pee and takes it to her. And in hoarder fashion, bugs her every day to see if she used it, etc.
YUK.
Apparently several days passes, and the friend opens the bags. Later, my hoarding mother calls, and this friend exploded, screaming that she was allergic to cats, that it stunk so bad that she had to air out the house, etc. My mother was mortally offended.
Now- what I think happened... My mother kept pushing for this woman to try her solution, and receiving a noncommittal answer, sent the pee bags over. Eventually the person got into whatever she left on her from porch, and out of curiosity opened the bag. My mother has no sense of smell, and despite her claims to the contrary, her house reeks of cat pee and hoard and probably now, adult diapers. (She now has C-Diff).
You can't make this stuff up.
______
So, my last update was my little vocal one died. I only had her 18 months, but we loved a lifetime. My other kitty was stressed and sad, and I started looking for a companion for her a couple weeks later, although I was not ready, she needed someone. Long story short, without planning, I ended up with an elder kitty that has mobility, health, lower GI issues, and is hard of hearing. I got her 10 minutes before closing, and she was going to be euthanized the next day. She is a pretty, sweet dilute Calico, and she gets along with my hard to get along with resident cat. I find them napping together sometimes, sometimes lightly touching. She is older that presented... The rescue said 8 years old, I estimated 12-15 years old, and the vet thinks she is 17 or older. She was kept in a cage the last two years of her life, and she has simply blossomed in the 5 months I had her, and is a cuddle bug. My heart breaks when I think of those fur babies I have lost, but we are reaching a new normal.
Work and health have not been a smooth ride, but I am dealing.
Thanks for reading!
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Monday, October 8, 2018
Sunday, March 19, 2017
From the mouth of a hoarder!
Oh MY...
So, it is time for the next installment of 'From The Mouth Of A Hoarder'...
____
"Do you fart a lot""
Excuse me? What?
"Do you fart?"
Not having this discussion...
"Well, I ...
<End call button>
____
....[Rambling self absorbed monologue]... "So I started using vitamin E oil on my feet at night and now instead of the skin being crusty and flaking like a snowstorm the skin just rolls up into balls..."
GAH! <<Retching>>
_____
"You need to tell me whatever they diagnose you with because I am sure I have it too..."
I snorted laughter, and this set her off. The reason I did was I was talking with a friend at dinner the night before my follow up appointment at the teaching hospital. In our discussion I had stated that if I was diagnosed with anything, by the end of the week, my hoarding mother would have the worst case of it that medicine has ever seen.
_____
You are welcome. Enjoy your day!
So, it is time for the next installment of 'From The Mouth Of A Hoarder'...
____
"Do you fart a lot""
Excuse me? What?
"Do you fart?"
Not having this discussion...
"Well, I ...
<End call button>
____
....[Rambling self absorbed monologue]... "So I started using vitamin E oil on my feet at night and now instead of the skin being crusty and flaking like a snowstorm the skin just rolls up into balls..."
GAH! <<Retching>>
_____
"You need to tell me whatever they diagnose you with because I am sure I have it too..."
I snorted laughter, and this set her off. The reason I did was I was talking with a friend at dinner the night before my follow up appointment at the teaching hospital. In our discussion I had stated that if I was diagnosed with anything, by the end of the week, my hoarding mother would have the worst case of it that medicine has ever seen.
_____
You are welcome. Enjoy your day!
Monday, January 9, 2017
Been all-too-long! From the Mouth of a Hoarder!
Been way to serious the last few posts. Not that my hoarding mother has stopped saying rude, racist, cruel things or things that are so simply head-banging(ly) gross, but other things have taken a higher priority. Well, now... An all new episode of FTMOAH!
_____________________________________
"I need to ask a gross question..."
No. Please. Wait...
"What do you know about that 'feminine wash'? I was in the store and saw it, and I wondered if I should get it because, well, I sometimes mess myself and pee myself, and I was near an old lady who smelled like urine ...."
That is not what that is for...
"I thought it might help as I don't... [natter natter natter]...
It is feminine hygiene wash. For your vulva. [She continues going on about 'pissing herself'.] Um. Feminine wash is meant to wash one's 'hoo-haw' if one is concerned about vaginal smell... [She continues on talking over me despite several attempts that are getting heavier in the crude vernacular as I try to make her understand...]
Now, I finally get annoyed and lost most to all of my feminist points for the day.
....Mother, it is a wash for those who are concerned their 'cooter' smells like pussy.
... Sputtering..."Oh, I don't need that."
[Split second of hesitation] "Do you use it?"
GAHHHH! Not having this conversation with you!
"Well, I used to douche ...."
I hung up. NO. No. NO NO NOOOOONOOONOOOW!
And here is the thing. Her personal hygiene is absolutely dreadful. She smells really bad. I am sure the incontinence underwear merely adds another layer to that ... fragrance? So sad. She smells of the hoard as well. Since her hand surgery in late November, she has been going to a local beauty shop and getting her hair washed and set every 2-3 weeks (usually prior to a doctor's appointment). Another group of people I should send flowers to...
_____________________________________
For those who read frequently, Dr. Wednesday, my mother's 'flying monkey' chiropractor who went to school with me is making the high dive from her pedestal. She apparently is out of patience with my mother's high drama tactics regarding the latest surgery, and my mother considered her 'snippy' and is now ruminating that she must be 'friends' with the hated surgeon. I am not getting in this, but I had to resist the urge to snicker like Reinfield in Young Doctor Frankenstein...
________________________________________
Nothing else rises to mind to report. I am sure there will be more later! On a more personal note my two elderly kitties are doing well, and I admit it is hard to type with my most recent addition to my family standing on my chest, head bunting and nibbling on my cheekbones and chin. Hard to believe she will have been with us three months in two days. I think she likes me- her feline sister- the jury is still out... But they seem to co-exist fairly quietly with little conflict. I do not know if they will every be buddies, but they are not trying to kill each other.
On the health front my appointment with the teaching hospital is this Friday. I have been pretty sick off and on since mid December, and today was a really rough day, but January 1st I ran a 10K and kept dead on my marathon pace and ran it easily. Looking for a 10 miler, then a 1/2 marathon, and hope to run a full this summer.
Have a great week. Thank you for reading!
_____________________________________
"I need to ask a gross question..."
No. Please. Wait...
"What do you know about that 'feminine wash'? I was in the store and saw it, and I wondered if I should get it because, well, I sometimes mess myself and pee myself, and I was near an old lady who smelled like urine ...."
That is not what that is for...
"I thought it might help as I don't... [natter natter natter]...
It is feminine hygiene wash. For your vulva. [She continues going on about 'pissing herself'.] Um. Feminine wash is meant to wash one's 'hoo-haw' if one is concerned about vaginal smell... [She continues on talking over me despite several attempts that are getting heavier in the crude vernacular as I try to make her understand...]
Now, I finally get annoyed and lost most to all of my feminist points for the day.
....Mother, it is a wash for those who are concerned their 'cooter' smells like pussy.
... Sputtering..."Oh, I don't need that."
[Split second of hesitation] "Do you use it?"
GAHHHH! Not having this conversation with you!
"Well, I used to douche ...."
I hung up. NO. No. NO NO NOOOOONOOONOOOW!
And here is the thing. Her personal hygiene is absolutely dreadful. She smells really bad. I am sure the incontinence underwear merely adds another layer to that ... fragrance? So sad. She smells of the hoard as well. Since her hand surgery in late November, she has been going to a local beauty shop and getting her hair washed and set every 2-3 weeks (usually prior to a doctor's appointment). Another group of people I should send flowers to...
_____________________________________
For those who read frequently, Dr. Wednesday, my mother's 'flying monkey' chiropractor who went to school with me is making the high dive from her pedestal. She apparently is out of patience with my mother's high drama tactics regarding the latest surgery, and my mother considered her 'snippy' and is now ruminating that she must be 'friends' with the hated surgeon. I am not getting in this, but I had to resist the urge to snicker like Reinfield in Young Doctor Frankenstein...
________________________________________
Nothing else rises to mind to report. I am sure there will be more later! On a more personal note my two elderly kitties are doing well, and I admit it is hard to type with my most recent addition to my family standing on my chest, head bunting and nibbling on my cheekbones and chin. Hard to believe she will have been with us three months in two days. I think she likes me- her feline sister- the jury is still out... But they seem to co-exist fairly quietly with little conflict. I do not know if they will every be buddies, but they are not trying to kill each other.
On the health front my appointment with the teaching hospital is this Friday. I have been pretty sick off and on since mid December, and today was a really rough day, but January 1st I ran a 10K and kept dead on my marathon pace and ran it easily. Looking for a 10 miler, then a 1/2 marathon, and hope to run a full this summer.
Have a great week. Thank you for reading!
Sunday, January 17, 2016
And there is not a break for the wicked, it seems...
Wow. That is all I can say at this point.
WOW.
I just hung up from my hoarding mother's equally narcissistic and mentally ill sister, from whom she is totally estranged. She also is on the hoarding scale, and has much of the same trauma history as my mother, and much of the same co occurring disorders as my mother, mental health and other. My hoarding aunt had a psychotic break in the later sixties and was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for a while.
If you are a regular reader, you might remember some drama between her and my narcisster (my lovely play on words for my half narcissistic sister) in May (about the time of my birthday) where the events culminated in my aunt calling the police for domestic violence on my sister, and ending up in the psychiatric ward of the local hospital.
At Christmas I got a lovely holiday card filled with a crazy rant about my half sister. I have not initiated contact, and even downloaded the 'silent' ringtone for my smartphone so it does not ring when she calls.
Well, tonight she called. I was eating a quick dinner prior to a Skype meeting, so I did not answer. After the meeting, I listened to the message, and realized if I did not call her, she would continue to call, and this was going to be a doozy...
So I girded my loins. And I called her. And I said little else other than 'hello' and 'well, I have to go'.
I will spare you the exact quotes, but the high points (low points?) of her communique were:
WOW.
I just hung up from my hoarding mother's equally narcissistic and mentally ill sister, from whom she is totally estranged. She also is on the hoarding scale, and has much of the same trauma history as my mother, and much of the same co occurring disorders as my mother, mental health and other. My hoarding aunt had a psychotic break in the later sixties and was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for a while.
If you are a regular reader, you might remember some drama between her and my narcisster (my lovely play on words for my half narcissistic sister) in May (about the time of my birthday) where the events culminated in my aunt calling the police for domestic violence on my sister, and ending up in the psychiatric ward of the local hospital.
At Christmas I got a lovely holiday card filled with a crazy rant about my half sister. I have not initiated contact, and even downloaded the 'silent' ringtone for my smartphone so it does not ring when she calls.
Well, tonight she called. I was eating a quick dinner prior to a Skype meeting, so I did not answer. After the meeting, I listened to the message, and realized if I did not call her, she would continue to call, and this was going to be a doozy...
So I girded my loins. And I called her. And I said little else other than 'hello' and 'well, I have to go'.
I will spare you the exact quotes, but the high points (low points?) of her communique were:
- She is hearing faint music at night, near her refrigerator, in her heating ducts, and sometimes outside near the heating air return.
- She blames my narcissister.
- She is convinced she has put something in her house.
- She is convinced it is a tape player, but one of those newfangled ones that is smaller than a fingernail.
- She has had an HVAC repair person in to check, but in her opinion he did not believe her, and was too young to do such a job.
- She also has people stopping in the street to stare into her house at night.
- She has people running between her house and the house next door and scratching her new windows, slapping the siding, and all kinds of drama.
- She has gone to Best Buy, and to other electronic purveyors to find out what this is.
- She has decided it works remotely like a drone, and she knows drones can only operate from 500 yards.
- She says her psychiatrist is who told her something was planted in the house by my narcissister.
- She also said the psychiatrist told her that it is possible I escaped the mental health issues my mother and sister have, however most of those show up by 52 or so... [Um really? Most mental illness shows much earlier... dementia is another story...]
She also told paranoid stories and chattered on for almost 2 hours I am done. I have done my time. No more of this.
She made sure to slip in her birthday (which I did not acknowledge) and also discussed how she was strapped for money (not touching that one either).
It would all be funny if it were not so flipping sad. My hoarding mother hears music when she goes off her psychotropic meds. She hears orchestra music, and my aunt hears a variety of fundamental church hymn type of music. They both also hear and feel a 'motor' running.
Hoarding... no one wins. No one.
Here is another older woman who sits alone due to the choices she has made... estranged from most everyone.
Have a good week everyone. Thank you for reading.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
OMG... From the Mouth of a Hoarder (FTMOAH)
She has been on a roll the past few days. From starting needless arguments at Kmart to harassing poor folks at doctor's practices and drive throughs... Her reign of terror continues. It is time for... FTMOAH!
"I found an old starter pistol that must have belonged to your father. It still has the price tag on it. Do you know any schools I could donate it to?"
For what?
"For gym class or races. They use starter pistols, right? I guess I could donate it, but I hate to see some kid..."
You know that fires blanks, right? And blanks are not toys, folks can die from a point blank shot from a blank (no pun intended).
"Sputtering... but I do not want it... Should I take it to the library?" (Pronounced Li-BERRY)
For what?
"So they can tell me what it is worth..."
____
Later in the day, phone call from my hoarding mother...
"I am glad I did not call the police station, the firing range or any of that - it is worth some PENNIES!"
Okay...
"It is worth $75!!!"
Oh brother.
____
"Do you have problems with hair on your lip?"
No. We are not discussing this for the 200,459th time.
"Well, I ..."
<Dial tone>
____
"My legs are just so dry. If I run my hands down them it looks like it is snowing, white flakes go EVERYWHERE!"
GAG. <Silent violent retching>
____
"He has been in the house! ..."
I asked if she kept a stalking journal (which I know she has not because she has said so in earlier conversations)...
"Yes! That is how I know he has been in the house! It was on the dishwasher... [dramatic pause] And now it is GONE!"
____
Shared I exceeded my goal of running over 1,000 miles in a year.
"[In morose voice]... You need to watch that... Your dad died because of his heart, and all that exertion..."
<Primal scream>
___
Just a few recent gems. One of these days I am going to face palm so badly that I will wreck my car.
"I found an old starter pistol that must have belonged to your father. It still has the price tag on it. Do you know any schools I could donate it to?"
For what?
"For gym class or races. They use starter pistols, right? I guess I could donate it, but I hate to see some kid..."
You know that fires blanks, right? And blanks are not toys, folks can die from a point blank shot from a blank (no pun intended).
"Sputtering... but I do not want it... Should I take it to the library?" (Pronounced Li-BERRY)
For what?
"So they can tell me what it is worth..."
____
Later in the day, phone call from my hoarding mother...
"I am glad I did not call the police station, the firing range or any of that - it is worth some PENNIES!"
Okay...
"It is worth $75!!!"
Oh brother.
____
"Do you have problems with hair on your lip?"
No. We are not discussing this for the 200,459th time.
"Well, I ..."
<Dial tone>
____
"My legs are just so dry. If I run my hands down them it looks like it is snowing, white flakes go EVERYWHERE!"
GAG. <Silent violent retching>
____
"He has been in the house! ..."
I asked if she kept a stalking journal (which I know she has not because she has said so in earlier conversations)...
"Yes! That is how I know he has been in the house! It was on the dishwasher... [dramatic pause] And now it is GONE!"
____
Shared I exceeded my goal of running over 1,000 miles in a year.
"[In morose voice]... You need to watch that... Your dad died because of his heart, and all that exertion..."
<Primal scream>
___
Just a few recent gems. One of these days I am going to face palm so badly that I will wreck my car.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
It is that time again... From the Mouth of a Hoarder...
The only sentiment I can start this off with is ... WOW. She has been on a roll lately... and not a particularly positive one at that. I would advise if you are eating or drinking that you return at a time when you are not... Consider yourself warned!
And now to the next episode of FTMOAH!
"Are your feet rough? Mine are so rough. I have sharp crusts on my heels, and for the last two nights I cut and ruined two new pair of socks!"
After getting a recommendation from her general care practitioner re a cream for her feet...
"I cannot believe the difference! After only using the cream a couple of days I can just roll the skin off my feet in layers!"
<<Retching>>
"...And I bought a sports bra thingie, and I use tape to attach to the ends of the tag plastic things so they do not flip away or hit the floor and one of the cats get it, those things could puncture their esophagus just like Mr. Dimwiddy [who died of sepsis after a fish bone punctured his esophagus in the mid 50's...]"
I will keep this one short and sweet, or short and nauseating... You get the idea. Her other comments have focused on her obsession with whether folks decorate for Christmas or not, her criticism of their lack of taste in decorations, and her speculation as why folks would decorate without having small children in the home. She has also been focused on the behavior of a couple of acquaintances who are struggling with dementia/Alzheimer's disease, asking questions that start with "Do all people like that...[insert the behavior she finds aberrant]"... Her amazing leaps of assumption and medically incorrect causality continues, all while she continues to live in the museum of long held grudges, petty misunderstandings, and simmering resentment.
Have to find some humor from this, because if I did not laugh, I fear I would start screaming.
Thank you for reading, and have a great week!
And now to the next episode of FTMOAH!
"Are your feet rough? Mine are so rough. I have sharp crusts on my heels, and for the last two nights I cut and ruined two new pair of socks!"
After getting a recommendation from her general care practitioner re a cream for her feet...
"I cannot believe the difference! After only using the cream a couple of days I can just roll the skin off my feet in layers!"
<<Retching>>
"...And I bought a sports bra thingie, and I use tape to attach to the ends of the tag plastic things so they do not flip away or hit the floor and one of the cats get it, those things could puncture their esophagus just like Mr. Dimwiddy [who died of sepsis after a fish bone punctured his esophagus in the mid 50's...]"
I will keep this one short and sweet, or short and nauseating... You get the idea. Her other comments have focused on her obsession with whether folks decorate for Christmas or not, her criticism of their lack of taste in decorations, and her speculation as why folks would decorate without having small children in the home. She has also been focused on the behavior of a couple of acquaintances who are struggling with dementia/Alzheimer's disease, asking questions that start with "Do all people like that...[insert the behavior she finds aberrant]"... Her amazing leaps of assumption and medically incorrect causality continues, all while she continues to live in the museum of long held grudges, petty misunderstandings, and simmering resentment.
Have to find some humor from this, because if I did not laugh, I fear I would start screaming.
Thank you for reading, and have a great week!
Monday, September 8, 2014
Yes... It is that time again... From the Mouth of a Hoarder!
Bang. Bang. Bang.
That is the sound on my head on the steering wheel when I call my hoarding mother and she takes a left turn into absolute... Well, judge for yourself...
________
Let me set the stage for this one. Last Friday night I attended a Gala in a town 50 minutes away from my home. I left early 10:30pm as I had a bit of a drive and had been up since 4:30am that morning. My phone rang and it was my hoarding mother. She had just picked up her 20 year old Honda from the autobody/collision center in her town (see the previous 2 blogs for THAT story if you are interested) and she had only had the car home 6 hours and was already starting her stuff.
"What is a fender skirt? Why I am asking is when I look in the wheel well I see a circular rod and..."
That is your strut. It is fine. [Explain what a fender skirt is, how it attaches, and what she would see if it were not there...] "Well, I have NEVER seen that round thing before behind the tire... All I could think is 'here we go again!' and I ..." Gotta go. Goodnight.
The next day...
"I found a rubber... well, let me try to describe this... [awkward and useless description of a rubber square with a hole in the center]... What is that to?" Um... shove it through the phone and perhaps I can tell you...
Today...
"Is there supposed to be a rubber gasket all the way around the hood?" No. "Well why not?" Because it doesn't need it. "Well I think it should have it! I think..."
Also today, but a brief respite from the car drama...
"I saw in Dear Abby that it is insulting to call the partner of a gay person their 'friend'. What is wrong with it?" <<headsteeringwheel>>
Thanks for reading! Have a great week!
That is the sound on my head on the steering wheel when I call my hoarding mother and she takes a left turn into absolute... Well, judge for yourself...
________
Let me set the stage for this one. Last Friday night I attended a Gala in a town 50 minutes away from my home. I left early 10:30pm as I had a bit of a drive and had been up since 4:30am that morning. My phone rang and it was my hoarding mother. She had just picked up her 20 year old Honda from the autobody/collision center in her town (see the previous 2 blogs for THAT story if you are interested) and she had only had the car home 6 hours and was already starting her stuff.
"What is a fender skirt? Why I am asking is when I look in the wheel well I see a circular rod and..."
That is your strut. It is fine. [Explain what a fender skirt is, how it attaches, and what she would see if it were not there...] "Well, I have NEVER seen that round thing before behind the tire... All I could think is 'here we go again!' and I ..." Gotta go. Goodnight.
The next day...
"I found a rubber... well, let me try to describe this... [awkward and useless description of a rubber square with a hole in the center]... What is that to?" Um... shove it through the phone and perhaps I can tell you...
Today...
"Is there supposed to be a rubber gasket all the way around the hood?" No. "Well why not?" Because it doesn't need it. "Well I think it should have it! I think..."
Also today, but a brief respite from the car drama...
"I saw in Dear Abby that it is insulting to call the partner of a gay person their 'friend'. What is wrong with it?" <<headsteeringwheel>>
Thanks for reading! Have a great week!
Monday, September 1, 2014
She is going to drive me as crazy as she is...
Sorry I have been away for a bit! I have a good one for you. Just as a bit of background for those new to the blog, my mother is very firmly on the hoarding scale, and demonstrates the characteristics and lack of boundaries inherent to Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Due to this, I have been keeping her on a 'low contact' schedule to keep my sanity and my health intact. I live 7 hours away, so I do not see her often at all.
Last Tuesday we had an event at work, an open house. I decided to make one of my calls to her as I drove home that night. When I called, she had a story to tell. And with her, all stories must be told in the most climatic, drama filled manner possible.
I will spare you the 1/2 hour build up. She hit a deer in what passes for town in her area. She was enroute to the mall area, and a deer came out of a housing development, went over the hood of the car, shattered her windshield, and went on its way. Luckily she was unhurt, just riled up and angry. Other drivers stopped, so she had lots of 'Wonderful Strangers' and narcissistic supply.
She apparently did not know what happened, just that her windshield exploded in on her. She said she saw a 'flash of orange'. She also had on her glasses, so thankfully none of that glass came back and hit her eyes. She was on her way to have a medical test on the swelling on her feet and legs. She went into where she was going, and the glass exploding inward, her stopping, the conversations with the folks who stopped, the cop's attitude that responded... before she finally told me it was a deer. Yeesh. The salient points (I am being facetious) of this conversation were:
Last Tuesday we had an event at work, an open house. I decided to make one of my calls to her as I drove home that night. When I called, she had a story to tell. And with her, all stories must be told in the most climatic, drama filled manner possible.
I will spare you the 1/2 hour build up. She hit a deer in what passes for town in her area. She was enroute to the mall area, and a deer came out of a housing development, went over the hood of the car, shattered her windshield, and went on its way. Luckily she was unhurt, just riled up and angry. Other drivers stopped, so she had lots of 'Wonderful Strangers' and narcissistic supply.
She apparently did not know what happened, just that her windshield exploded in on her. She said she saw a 'flash of orange'. She also had on her glasses, so thankfully none of that glass came back and hit her eyes. She was on her way to have a medical test on the swelling on her feet and legs. She went into where she was going, and the glass exploding inward, her stopping, the conversations with the folks who stopped, the cop's attitude that responded... before she finally told me it was a deer. Yeesh. The salient points (I am being facetious) of this conversation were:
- That 'someone' was watching out for her... She could have been killed!!!! (True, and thankfully she was not, but that was allegedly said to her 14 times- I exaggerate only slightly).
- That a DEER was out during the DAY! She doesn't drive at night! What was it doing out during the DAY? They don't move around during the DAY! (Says who? Maybe the deer heard about the sale at Walmart...)
- She was furious that someone had asked for an EMT when the collision occurred.
- She was furious at the police officer, he had the nerve to ask her if she was wearing a seatbelt! (I explained this was a common procedure question, not an assumption). Her response set the tone for the rest of the interaction, which she did not share, however she did say at one point he said to her, "Look lady, all I want to do is get this scene cleaned up and cleared..." before retreating to the sanctity of his cruiser. (Another person I should send flowers to...) She kept demanding to drive the car and he told her no, she would be ticketed.
- The tow truck driver brought a flatbed (yay... as he should have) and recommended a collision center, ironically, one that used to be owned by my dad's friend years ago. (Add these folks to the flower list too.)
- He took her home, but had to help her in and out of the truck, and all the people were commenting on her feet and shocked she was driving herself and no one was with her. (Direct guilt poke at her partially estranged, neglectful daughter).
- She called the insurance company, and was insulted that they asked her if she was wearing her seatbelt, and if she was ticketed (again, SOP for those calls) and they initially approved a rental for 5 days, she has a max coverage of 30 days/$400. She did not call to get a car.
- She called the bank, who told her the car is worth $5,200. I called 'bullshit'. I estimated it is a $1,600 car. It is a 20 year old Honda Accord LX wagon. It is NOT a classic as she insists, and she also crowed that they said she could get $8400 for it if she sold it privately. My advice was if anyone was going to pay $5200 or $8400... Take it and RUN. I just checked Kelley Blue Book, for its actual condition in her area, it is worth an average trade in of $1,720. Um. Yeah.
- She was already obsessing about them totaling the car, she wanted it back, and the craziness has already begun. She also demanded to know if they would take her dash apart to replace the windshield (what??? really?) and asserted SHE DID NOT WANT THAT because NO ONE puts it back right. <<<deep sigh>>>
Now, as I have mentioned before, I ran an autobody shop for Honda, Nissan and Mercedes back in the early 90's. I also worked at the rental car company that she is dealing with, and have extensive insurance experience. (This was my first career out of college.) Normally I do not offer advice, but unfortunately I attempted to offer some guidance. I did not call on Wednesday, but did on Thursday, only to be regaled with all the Wonderful Stranger stories, and that she called 2 banks and they told her the car was worth $5,200! I told her to take it and RUN. She stated the body shop called at the end of the day and the estimate was ... drum roll... $1,600. Now, even with a $1,700 car and it exceeding the 80% ACV, I was confident they would not total it. She got very angry when I again refused to engage in speculation of worst case scenario. She stated the adjusted needed a picture of the car, and she was told to wait on the rental. I advised her that she did not have to wait, and worst case, secure it with a credit card and get a car, time was running out since tomorrow is the eve of a 3 day weekend, and calling on Friday will most likely result in the car place being rented out.
Friday I called her as I was returning from a consulting job. She was in rare form... She was angry that the adjuster had not called right back, and still had not arranged a rental. I again had the discussion, and urged her to call. She rather sourly advised me that the car would not be totaled, and went off on the dash board craziness again. I would not engage. The adjuster beeped in, and she said he got what he needed. I advised her to call the rental, and that I thought it was unlikely at an hour before closing on a travel holiday that she would get a car, but to try/put in a reservation. She claimed the insurance guy had told her the car was between $5200 and $8400. Um... Whatever. That made her mad that I would not argue.
She hung up, and I got a pissed off call... similar to the howlers of Hogwarts/Harry Potter fame. They were rented out, there were only two people there right now, and they were only open 3 hours tomorrow. I asked if she made a reservation. She said she did not know what they did, and did not care. I advised she call and make the reservation for Tuesday, and ask they call her if a car is available tomorrow. She very sarcastically retorted that if she had a way there she would not need a car. She also started to obsess how she would get her car when it was done. Um... drop the car at the shop, and get yours, or drop it at the rental place, and they will take you over. She has done this before. She made sarcastic comment about getting there again and I outlined the following as her choices:
- She could call her neighbor. She immediately started yelling that 'she does not have time with work and with all the things she does with that GUY'. She further stated that another neighbor has as a hubby with dementia and she cannot and she is not asking!
- I continued without reacting to her interjection that she could call a cab (she again began screaming that would be at least $20-$30! She was not paying it!)
- And my final suggestion was that she would just have to wait until Tuesday since she allowed this situation to evolve to what it is with her choices. She icily asked how she could have got a car when she was told to wait. I civilly called BS on that, and advised her she could have called Wednesday when she was first approved, and could have secured the car with her card.
She was not happy, grumbled something and hung up. I immediately texted the neighbor to give her a heads up that I would recommend NOT calling her. Turns out that despite talking to my mother on Wednesday, mother did not say a word. Apparently the deer/car situation is a SECRET! GAH!
It is Monday, and I have not called all weekend, and if she has tried to call, unfortunately my smart phone is dead, and the insurance replacement will not be here until Wednesday at the earliest.
Unfortunate, but not the end of the world. I may check in on Tuesday... Maybe. Maybe I will not. I am sure I am the most awful daughter ever since I did not fix this, or rush to her assistance. Um... I had friends coming in from out of town, and lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
Unfortunate, but not the end of the world. I may check in on Tuesday... Maybe. Maybe I will not. I am sure I am the most awful daughter ever since I did not fix this, or rush to her assistance. Um... I had friends coming in from out of town, and lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
To be continued... I am sure.
Hoarding... no one wins. NO ONE. Have a great week everyone, and thank you for reading.
Friday, July 25, 2014
It has been too long since the last episode of ... FROM THE MOUTH OF A HOARDER!!!!
Been a bit too serious for a bit too long... don't you think? Just in the last 2 conversations I have gathered the following 'gems' for you. Without further delay... this installment of FTMOAH!
I had not spoken to my hoarding mother in a few days, so I gave her a call in the later afternoon after leaving a board meeting. I have returned to work part time this week from medical leave, and thought since she was having her car serviced that morning (a boot on the axle needed replaced) that I would just check in.
When I called two things were immediately clear. She thought I was calling back because she had called my office (which is a NO-NO/boundary I have set with her) and she was in high drama mode. Low, dramatic voice.
"Oh... I did not expect you to call back this soon. The woman who answered said you were in a meeting and would not be back at the office until Monday... Anyway... I have a MESS HERE AND I NEED HELP!"
To make a long story short? Her 'mess'? She took her 21 year old Honda station wagon to the dealer, and they offered to take her home since it would be a couple of hours. This was at 9 or 10am. It was now 2:30pm, and she had worked herself into a dither and called, and was told that due to the age of the car, that there was a bit of rust, etc. and it was not as easy as flagged, and it would take a bit more time, and they would call when it was done.
She was flipping out. Speculating all kinds of crazy scenarios, such as they had damaged her car and were trying to cover it up, and going on how she will never leave it again... I stopped her and laid it out. I worked in a dealership for a few years prior to my nonprofit career, and explained that since she was no longer waiting, her car was not the scheduling priority and nothing was wrong, she would most likely hear from them any moment. Explained they did nothing wrong, and to chill out. And shocker, they beeped in and informed her that her car was done, and they were coming to pick her up. She seemed somewhat mollified.
Next call- checked in the next day to see if I needed to intervene on the 'final act of Carmen' in regards to the Honda service. She seemed satisfied with that, but she returned home and her neighbor had leaned plywood up against her 40-something year old fence, and she walked over and with her cane, pushed each sheet over onto the ground. She positively crowed with glee when she talked about it. That should do a lot to improve relations with this neighbor, who she has called the police on already and had an argument because he used weed killer to kill all the crap growing on the fence. <Headdesk>... Lather, rinse, repeat.
The third was relayed in a martyred whisper. "I am so tired of being tired all the time. I do not know what causes it... any time I sit down I go to sleep. I am not going to say anything to the doctor, before you say it, because they take your license for that kind of thing, and it only happens at home. I guess it could not be gas or poison gas because the cats are fine and they are so much smaller..."
What do you say to that level of crazy? Ai yi yi. Hoarding. No one wins. No one. This is not going to end well. It just is not.
Thank you for reading!
I had not spoken to my hoarding mother in a few days, so I gave her a call in the later afternoon after leaving a board meeting. I have returned to work part time this week from medical leave, and thought since she was having her car serviced that morning (a boot on the axle needed replaced) that I would just check in.
When I called two things were immediately clear. She thought I was calling back because she had called my office (which is a NO-NO/boundary I have set with her) and she was in high drama mode. Low, dramatic voice.
"Oh... I did not expect you to call back this soon. The woman who answered said you were in a meeting and would not be back at the office until Monday... Anyway... I have a MESS HERE AND I NEED HELP!"
To make a long story short? Her 'mess'? She took her 21 year old Honda station wagon to the dealer, and they offered to take her home since it would be a couple of hours. This was at 9 or 10am. It was now 2:30pm, and she had worked herself into a dither and called, and was told that due to the age of the car, that there was a bit of rust, etc. and it was not as easy as flagged, and it would take a bit more time, and they would call when it was done.
She was flipping out. Speculating all kinds of crazy scenarios, such as they had damaged her car and were trying to cover it up, and going on how she will never leave it again... I stopped her and laid it out. I worked in a dealership for a few years prior to my nonprofit career, and explained that since she was no longer waiting, her car was not the scheduling priority and nothing was wrong, she would most likely hear from them any moment. Explained they did nothing wrong, and to chill out. And shocker, they beeped in and informed her that her car was done, and they were coming to pick her up. She seemed somewhat mollified.
Next call- checked in the next day to see if I needed to intervene on the 'final act of Carmen' in regards to the Honda service. She seemed satisfied with that, but she returned home and her neighbor had leaned plywood up against her 40-something year old fence, and she walked over and with her cane, pushed each sheet over onto the ground. She positively crowed with glee when she talked about it. That should do a lot to improve relations with this neighbor, who she has called the police on already and had an argument because he used weed killer to kill all the crap growing on the fence. <Headdesk>... Lather, rinse, repeat.
The third was relayed in a martyred whisper. "I am so tired of being tired all the time. I do not know what causes it... any time I sit down I go to sleep. I am not going to say anything to the doctor, before you say it, because they take your license for that kind of thing, and it only happens at home. I guess it could not be gas or poison gas because the cats are fine and they are so much smaller..."
What do you say to that level of crazy? Ai yi yi. Hoarding. No one wins. No one. This is not going to end well. It just is not.
Thank you for reading!
Thursday, June 19, 2014
M&Ms, the candy that melts in your bra, not in your hands...
Called my hoarding mother on the way home tonight. Amongst her monologue there was one gem....
"Did you know M&Ms melt?"
Um... Yeah, figured that in elementary school or so. Why?
"...[Sparing you, the reader of the obsessive detail of her eating candy, why she chose to eat candy, why she chose to eat THAT candy, what she was wearing, where she was, and what interrupted the task of eating candy- you are welcome!] ...And I dropped the stupid thing, and after searching everywhere for it, I finally decided the HELL with it, it will show up some day, and I went back to clipping coupons. Later I found it! Guess where it was? In my bra! And it had completely melted and I did not feel it and did not notice it. Now I have my new sports bra with a bit chocolate and candy coating colored stain, and it was expensive! Why I paid $12 at Walmart for that! And I had a mess all over me, and stuck to my chest... [again sparing you the description of the chocolate mess on her breast and nipple... GAH!]
How is it possible? And... Ewww. She was very offended when she learned I did not want to discuss her boob.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Sharing an article- How to not say the wrong thing...
http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407
I am always searching for articles, etc. for my workplace to post on social media, and a happy, happy side effect is I often find ones that might increase my personal knowledge and, hopefully, emotional intelligence quotient just a bit.
Just completed reading this article, and thought I might send this to my hoarding mother anonymously since she will not consider this if I just have the discussion head on, or in an 'oh how interesting' way. Not to be snarky and harmful, but perhaps, just perhaps, she will read this article, and perhaps she would rigidly follow the 'no dumping in rules'... Not because she suddenly had insight or understanding, but because in her machinations and manipulations, this is another 'rule' she might find worthy of parroting.
Just an ill executed attempt to make my life (and others who must deal with her) lives more palatable. I know that unless I do this very carefully, this will backfire completely. Worth a try though... Perhaps.
The second reason I found this a helpful is as children of hoarders we get a lot of judgement and 'judgy' statements sugar-coated to look something like empathy. This could not be more relevant. Especially with all the statements of 'your mom is your mom no matter what' and the expectation that you put your emotional and physical health as second priority.
Thoughts on this article one way or the other?
Hoarding... No one wins. No one....
I am always searching for articles, etc. for my workplace to post on social media, and a happy, happy side effect is I often find ones that might increase my personal knowledge and, hopefully, emotional intelligence quotient just a bit.
Just completed reading this article, and thought I might send this to my hoarding mother anonymously since she will not consider this if I just have the discussion head on, or in an 'oh how interesting' way. Not to be snarky and harmful, but perhaps, just perhaps, she will read this article, and perhaps she would rigidly follow the 'no dumping in rules'... Not because she suddenly had insight or understanding, but because in her machinations and manipulations, this is another 'rule' she might find worthy of parroting.
Just an ill executed attempt to make my life (and others who must deal with her) lives more palatable. I know that unless I do this very carefully, this will backfire completely. Worth a try though... Perhaps.
The second reason I found this a helpful is as children of hoarders we get a lot of judgement and 'judgy' statements sugar-coated to look something like empathy. This could not be more relevant. Especially with all the statements of 'your mom is your mom no matter what' and the expectation that you put your emotional and physical health as second priority.
Thoughts on this article one way or the other?
Hoarding... No one wins. No one....
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
I have been remiss... From the mouth of a hoarder!
It is the evening of primary election day in my northeastern US state. I just came in from work, and called my hoarding mother on my way home. It had been just a few days, and I know I was going to get a lot of FTMOAH...
Lather, rinse, repeat. And without further delay... Here we go!
___________________________________________
"Do they not make those any more? [Her previous sentence was about the trailer pulled in next door]"
Make what?
"The shoes I have that look like tennis shoes... [sparing you the overly long, overly awkward description of her clog casual shoes]?"
Yes.
"I have looked at THREE SEPARATE STORES and I cannot find them anywhere!!!"
What stores?
"I went to [names three local area Walmart stores]! None of them have them! Why I think..."
You went to one store. Walmart. Did you try the mall or a shoe store?
"... No..."
________
Telling her I was almost home and that I was planning to go for a short run.
"It is almost dark!"
Yes. [Her powers of observation are astute at 8pm...]
"Aren't you afraid to be out after dark?"
Nope.
"Do you run with a group?"
Nope.
"As fast as people drive there, aren't you afraid?"
No.
"Do you wear black when you run at night?"
BANG. BANG. BANG. <sound of my head hitting the steering wheel>
_______________
"For a girl cat she is not very ladylike."
_______________
"Did it ever occur to you that if humans were meant to run we would be on all fours?"
Did it ever occur to you that the human body is made to be active?
"...stammering..."
______________
"So, up there, do they..."
You do realize that I am much farther east, but only about 90 miles north of you, right?
"So like I said, up there..."
______________
"So, Glenda now has a lump under her armpit. She had breast cancer years ago and had all that chemo, Tamoxifen and radiation. It is back isn't it? She is going to die isn't she?"
______________
This was the tip of the iceberg for a 15 minute conversation. I have been calling her when I have been on the road a few minutes and sign off when I am approaching my exit. I simply cannot take much more than small doses of this without screaming or saying something really unnecessarily ugly. I do not want to be abrupt or rude, but... BUT. Life with a narcissistic, hoarding mother that cannot see anything but her own twisted point of view is challenging. And I keep trying, as pitiful as my efforts are.
Thank you for reading. Have a great week.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Oh YES... It is that time... It is time for... FROM THE MOUTH OF A HOARDER!
Quite the varied list today, and these little gems are just from the past week. I think the thing that is becoming more and more evident is the phenomena that many COH's refer to as 'hoardy speak', 'verbal vomiting', 'verbal diarrhea' or any other vernacular... it all describes the same types of self centered monologues that jump from ill defined segues to seemly unrelated topics.
So, here we go. FTMOAH for you...
_________________________________________
"Do your cats get 'crusts' in their eyes? [Without pausing for a response] Well Lulu came over and I noticed [I will spare you the painful, obtuse, awkward description of eye hockey] so I got a hold on her and got a Kleenex and ever so slightly and slowly pulled on it and there was a tube of mucus attached the diameter of a pin! Like a straight pin! And there was no hair in it..."
I am not discussing 'mucus' with you. What else would you like to talk about?
"Well, I could not believe how much mucus..."
Okay then! Talk to you later. Buh bye.
_______________
"Well, they brought a TRAILER in next door. It is an old one, and I think where they put it it is over the old septic tank the [previous neighbors] stopped using [in 1985 when the sewer came through] and won't that be a bigger mess! I swear... "
Not your concern, and if you did not want that you could have purchased the property. And honestly, you know nothing about these folks, and it is not like a trailer is going to hurt the property values in that neighborhood much since there are several within sight.
"Who wants to live in a TRAILER PARK?!?!? I wonder what the zoning is because I just bet..."
Change the subject. It is not like the neighborhood hosts Buckingham Palace, and honestly that neighborhood has seriously declined. Honestly, the trailer might improve things.
"What do you mean?"
Go outside and take a look at your fence, and your property, then ask me that again.
<Sputtering>
________________
"You know how I thought there were no kids? I saw a couple walking to the bus! It is soooo STRANGE! You do not see anyone out! I do not know who those kids belong to!"
You have to interact with people to know them.
"I just want to be left alone!"
<headdesk>
________________
"I saw a guy walking with headphones in, and he was walking fast! He was so big! He was easily 400 pounds and I am sure he could not walk far... [clucking her tongue disapprovingly]"
Change the subject please. You cannot necessarily gauge someone's health, strength, endurance by weight. And fat shaming someone? No thank you.
_______________
She is really getting worse, and more and more negative.
Hoarding, no one wins. No one.
Thank you for reading...
So, here we go. FTMOAH for you...
_________________________________________
"Do your cats get 'crusts' in their eyes? [Without pausing for a response] Well Lulu came over and I noticed [I will spare you the painful, obtuse, awkward description of eye hockey] so I got a hold on her and got a Kleenex and ever so slightly and slowly pulled on it and there was a tube of mucus attached the diameter of a pin! Like a straight pin! And there was no hair in it..."
I am not discussing 'mucus' with you. What else would you like to talk about?
"Well, I could not believe how much mucus..."
Okay then! Talk to you later. Buh bye.
_______________
"Well, they brought a TRAILER in next door. It is an old one, and I think where they put it it is over the old septic tank the [previous neighbors] stopped using [in 1985 when the sewer came through] and won't that be a bigger mess! I swear... "
Not your concern, and if you did not want that you could have purchased the property. And honestly, you know nothing about these folks, and it is not like a trailer is going to hurt the property values in that neighborhood much since there are several within sight.
"Who wants to live in a TRAILER PARK?!?!? I wonder what the zoning is because I just bet..."
Change the subject. It is not like the neighborhood hosts Buckingham Palace, and honestly that neighborhood has seriously declined. Honestly, the trailer might improve things.
"What do you mean?"
Go outside and take a look at your fence, and your property, then ask me that again.
<Sputtering>
________________
"You know how I thought there were no kids? I saw a couple walking to the bus! It is soooo STRANGE! You do not see anyone out! I do not know who those kids belong to!"
You have to interact with people to know them.
"I just want to be left alone!"
<headdesk>
________________
"I saw a guy walking with headphones in, and he was walking fast! He was so big! He was easily 400 pounds and I am sure he could not walk far... [clucking her tongue disapprovingly]"
Change the subject please. You cannot necessarily gauge someone's health, strength, endurance by weight. And fat shaming someone? No thank you.
_______________
She is really getting worse, and more and more negative.
Hoarding, no one wins. No one.
Thank you for reading...
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Monday, March 17, 2014
And we arrived at Crazy Assumption-town at warp speed!
Oh dear...
My mother's neighbor called her today. My hoarding mother had been obsessing over when she would return from vacation and clucking over her neighbor's schedule and by extension, wasteful spending.
The neighbor has 2 small dogs, both of the miniature or teacup variety. Long story short, one passed away due to Pancreatitis, and the little dog was only 5 or 6 years old. Sad.
As I expressed my empathy and condolences for the neighbor, my hoarding mother was starting to obsess on the dog's young age, and suddenly interjected this gem...
"You know that Pancreatitis is caused by feeding an animal 'people food' and I just wonder... You know 'that guy' [the neighbor's live in fiance'] has a dog and although [the neighbor] claims all the dog gets is dog food, I just wonder... He has a dog and I bet he feeds it table scraps all the time because that is how men are, and he is so big! I just bet that..."
[Interrupting her monologue...] You know that is a huge, huge leap of assumptions, right? Sometimes young beings die. Sometimes the reason is not linear or causal.
"Well! Why I think that is when I asked what she was going to do with the body she said she would bury the dog, and that she would 'do it herself'."
So based on that you have decided he intentionally or unintentionally killed her dog? It could not be due to the fact he is 15 years her senior (the man is in his mid 70's) and has just had surgery and has back problems? Or that the little dog was hers long before he came into her life, and that it just feels right to do this? Wow. WOW. Gotta go!
<Click>
Seriously? How sodding mean and non-compassionate. Instead of offering support, she is judging. And coming up with an ugly thread to the story. How can I take anything she says as based in any sort of reality? I cannot. That is the answer...
Just a wee vent. Have a great rest of your week.
My mother's neighbor called her today. My hoarding mother had been obsessing over when she would return from vacation and clucking over her neighbor's schedule and by extension, wasteful spending.
The neighbor has 2 small dogs, both of the miniature or teacup variety. Long story short, one passed away due to Pancreatitis, and the little dog was only 5 or 6 years old. Sad.
As I expressed my empathy and condolences for the neighbor, my hoarding mother was starting to obsess on the dog's young age, and suddenly interjected this gem...
"You know that Pancreatitis is caused by feeding an animal 'people food' and I just wonder... You know 'that guy' [the neighbor's live in fiance'] has a dog and although [the neighbor] claims all the dog gets is dog food, I just wonder... He has a dog and I bet he feeds it table scraps all the time because that is how men are, and he is so big! I just bet that..."
[Interrupting her monologue...] You know that is a huge, huge leap of assumptions, right? Sometimes young beings die. Sometimes the reason is not linear or causal.
"Well! Why I think that is when I asked what she was going to do with the body she said she would bury the dog, and that she would 'do it herself'."
So based on that you have decided he intentionally or unintentionally killed her dog? It could not be due to the fact he is 15 years her senior (the man is in his mid 70's) and has just had surgery and has back problems? Or that the little dog was hers long before he came into her life, and that it just feels right to do this? Wow. WOW. Gotta go!
<Click>
Seriously? How sodding mean and non-compassionate. Instead of offering support, she is judging. And coming up with an ugly thread to the story. How can I take anything she says as based in any sort of reality? I cannot. That is the answer...
Just a wee vent. Have a great rest of your week.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
It is that time... It is time for... FROM THE MOUTH OF A HOARDER!
Been a bit serious here in the blog for a bit. It is time for another installment of FTMOAH!
______________________________
"Does your cats get a 'crust' in the corner of their eyes?... [Goes into graphic description of the eye hockey of one of the cats and her crazy method of removing it]..."
No.
"Not at all? Well, 3 of mine do, and I cannot figure out why. They are not sick, not running a temperature, but ...[description of eye gunk and the effervescent sneezing of one of the cats]... I cannot figure out why. I think it is the furnace running. That has to be it..."
My furnace runs, and my cats do not have that. Do you think it might be the dust, mold spores, etc. from all the piles of stuff?
<Changes subject>
________________________________
"...[Fat shaming one of her cats]... then again, one of your cats is pretty fat too..."
Not anymore. Has not been since her strokes in 2008 and her brush with death/septic blood infection in 2010. She weighs 8 lbs now.
"EIGHT POUNDS? How old is she? 17? Oh, Lisabeth, she is going to DIE SOON! Don't make the mistake I made with ... [veers into the bad end of one of her cats that she had live until almost 22 years old]..."
Gotta go. Not having this conversation.
_________________________________
"...[Fat shaming a young woman she saw at Walmart earlier that day]... she had to be 3 feet wide and when she turned sideways, she was that thick at least... <clucking tongue> that is TERRIBLE..."
Change the subject, please.
"Why? All I am saying is..."
Oh, I am very clear on what you are saying. I have heard that particular refrain my entire life. STOP fat shaming and commenting on people's weight, appearance, aging process, or disability to me please. You do remember that I once was morbidly obese and weight continues to be an up and down struggle? Not listening to this anymore. Now can we talk about something else? No? Okay- bye then. <Click>
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
_________________________________
I had a recruiter contact me about a position that is available in Hawaii. Just to give her something else to obsess on rather than the normal 5 or 6 subjects, I mentioned it. And I was correct, she is stewing in her own juices about it.
"What would you do with your cats if you move to Hawaii?"
They would go with me.
"How? They would DIE. They would never survive that trip in an airplane."
It is 19 hour flight with stops, and so I would drive ...
"...[Cutting me off] You cannot DRIVE to HAWAII! You CANNOT DRIVE OVER WATER! ..."
Um... if you would let me finish. Depending on if I got a relocation package, (if I did, I would ship my belongings and car from the East Coast) if not or a smaller one, I would rent a truck and tow the car, and the cats and I would drive it to a port in CA. It would be rough, but I could do it in 3-4 days, then ship the truck contents and my car over...
"Yes, your car... You just had to have that car... what will you do with it?"
Ship it over as well. But, I need to look at the job and the specs they sent, see if the income will be sufficient for the higher cost of living, and what relocation would be involved. It is NOT a different country. HI is part of the US. The cats will be fine.
"No. They will not. They. Will. Die."
Gotta go! <Click>
______________________________
The cat stuff is another attempt to get under my skin. She knows I am simply nuts about my cats, that they are my furry family. She is constantly inferring that I am a poor pet parent since my one cat passed due to brain cancer at age 13, and my other kitty due to kidney issues at age 12 or 13 (turns out she was much older than the rescue reported, which does not matter to me either way). My eldest kitty is almost 17, and the younger one is almost 10. My eldest has had significant health issues her entire life. Kidney issues, strokes, seizure disorder, slight spine injury at birth, and arthritis. She is thin and is losing her hearing, but is on my lap playing with the tie on my blouse as I type this, purring her little heart out. My other kitty is asleep on the bed behind me, and she has a serious heart murmur and osteo arthritis from the broken bones (abuse) she had as a kitten- but is my little comedian and acrobat. They are pampered and loved. If this does not get her anywhere, she will try to find another way to get under my skin. Good luck with that.
The last call with her she kept asking about what different folks jobs or pensions pay. Each time I simply told her I did not know, if she was that curious, ask the person. Each time that elicited sputtering and demurrals. I am keeping her on the 2-3 calls a week plan. It keeps me sane, and the days where I do not talk to her are so much less stressful.
Ahhh. Hoarding. No one wins. No one. Enjoy your week!
______________________________
"Does your cats get a 'crust' in the corner of their eyes?... [Goes into graphic description of the eye hockey of one of the cats and her crazy method of removing it]..."
No.
"Not at all? Well, 3 of mine do, and I cannot figure out why. They are not sick, not running a temperature, but ...[description of eye gunk and the effervescent sneezing of one of the cats]... I cannot figure out why. I think it is the furnace running. That has to be it..."
My furnace runs, and my cats do not have that. Do you think it might be the dust, mold spores, etc. from all the piles of stuff?
<Changes subject>
________________________________
"...[Fat shaming one of her cats]... then again, one of your cats is pretty fat too..."
Not anymore. Has not been since her strokes in 2008 and her brush with death/septic blood infection in 2010. She weighs 8 lbs now.
"EIGHT POUNDS? How old is she? 17? Oh, Lisabeth, she is going to DIE SOON! Don't make the mistake I made with ... [veers into the bad end of one of her cats that she had live until almost 22 years old]..."
Gotta go. Not having this conversation.
_________________________________
"...[Fat shaming a young woman she saw at Walmart earlier that day]... she had to be 3 feet wide and when she turned sideways, she was that thick at least... <clucking tongue> that is TERRIBLE..."
Change the subject, please.
"Why? All I am saying is..."
Oh, I am very clear on what you are saying. I have heard that particular refrain my entire life. STOP fat shaming and commenting on people's weight, appearance, aging process, or disability to me please. You do remember that I once was morbidly obese and weight continues to be an up and down struggle? Not listening to this anymore. Now can we talk about something else? No? Okay- bye then. <Click>
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
_________________________________
I had a recruiter contact me about a position that is available in Hawaii. Just to give her something else to obsess on rather than the normal 5 or 6 subjects, I mentioned it. And I was correct, she is stewing in her own juices about it.
"What would you do with your cats if you move to Hawaii?"
They would go with me.
"How? They would DIE. They would never survive that trip in an airplane."
It is 19 hour flight with stops, and so I would drive ...
"...[Cutting me off] You cannot DRIVE to HAWAII! You CANNOT DRIVE OVER WATER! ..."
Um... if you would let me finish. Depending on if I got a relocation package, (if I did, I would ship my belongings and car from the East Coast) if not or a smaller one, I would rent a truck and tow the car, and the cats and I would drive it to a port in CA. It would be rough, but I could do it in 3-4 days, then ship the truck contents and my car over...
"Yes, your car... You just had to have that car... what will you do with it?"
Ship it over as well. But, I need to look at the job and the specs they sent, see if the income will be sufficient for the higher cost of living, and what relocation would be involved. It is NOT a different country. HI is part of the US. The cats will be fine.
"No. They will not. They. Will. Die."
Gotta go! <Click>
______________________________
The cat stuff is another attempt to get under my skin. She knows I am simply nuts about my cats, that they are my furry family. She is constantly inferring that I am a poor pet parent since my one cat passed due to brain cancer at age 13, and my other kitty due to kidney issues at age 12 or 13 (turns out she was much older than the rescue reported, which does not matter to me either way). My eldest kitty is almost 17, and the younger one is almost 10. My eldest has had significant health issues her entire life. Kidney issues, strokes, seizure disorder, slight spine injury at birth, and arthritis. She is thin and is losing her hearing, but is on my lap playing with the tie on my blouse as I type this, purring her little heart out. My other kitty is asleep on the bed behind me, and she has a serious heart murmur and osteo arthritis from the broken bones (abuse) she had as a kitten- but is my little comedian and acrobat. They are pampered and loved. If this does not get her anywhere, she will try to find another way to get under my skin. Good luck with that.
The last call with her she kept asking about what different folks jobs or pensions pay. Each time I simply told her I did not know, if she was that curious, ask the person. Each time that elicited sputtering and demurrals. I am keeping her on the 2-3 calls a week plan. It keeps me sane, and the days where I do not talk to her are so much less stressful.
Ahhh. Hoarding. No one wins. No one. Enjoy your week!
Saturday, February 15, 2014
101th Post and the 100th... Yes, it is 'From the mouth of a hoarder' time!
My apologies for such a long absence! Nearly 3 weeks since my last post. I did not realize it at the time, but the last post was number 100... and serendipitously... my blog (rant) was about her obsession with POO. And talking about it, despite efforts to maintain boundaries with her.
She has continued her out-there-comments and assumptions, and below is a compilation of the most recent.
Without further ado... ENJOY!
______________________________________
"[In reference to the feral cats she feeds and waters...] Would you believe the water bowl FROZE SOLID? I guess if the little animals are thirsty they can just lick snow, right? That IS what they do, right? Just lick snow?"
"I was told that even though I do not have THE INTERNET {emphasis mine} I can still get information and stuff from my computer. Is that true?"
"I guess I did not need two separate cell phones to keep one charged all the time for the car. I changed my plan and my other phone was supposed to be no good after midnight on the 12th, but I waited a few days and called it to make sure that nothing sneaky was happening."
"[After lots and lots of snow during a recent snowstorm] Well, it is 2pm and still no paper. That is ridiculous. The TV does not show anything but crap and now no paper? I am now not connected to any news at all!"
"[Speaking of the neighbor behind her that has resumed dating and has a live in boyfriend] ... How long is it before you can 'draw' against a spouse's Social Security Benefits? Ten, eleven years? She better hurry up and marry him, he has worked all his life and put away some money and would leave her a nice income."
"I just noticed on that guy's RV thing, that all the windows are tinted except the front windows. I first thought someone had broken out the windows. Why would they tint the back windows but not the front ones?"
_________________________________________
She has also been a broken record on:
She has continued her out-there-comments and assumptions, and below is a compilation of the most recent.
Without further ado... ENJOY!
______________________________________
"[In reference to the feral cats she feeds and waters...] Would you believe the water bowl FROZE SOLID? I guess if the little animals are thirsty they can just lick snow, right? That IS what they do, right? Just lick snow?"
"I was told that even though I do not have THE INTERNET {emphasis mine} I can still get information and stuff from my computer. Is that true?"
"I guess I did not need two separate cell phones to keep one charged all the time for the car. I changed my plan and my other phone was supposed to be no good after midnight on the 12th, but I waited a few days and called it to make sure that nothing sneaky was happening."
"[After lots and lots of snow during a recent snowstorm] Well, it is 2pm and still no paper. That is ridiculous. The TV does not show anything but crap and now no paper? I am now not connected to any news at all!"
"[Speaking of the neighbor behind her that has resumed dating and has a live in boyfriend] ... How long is it before you can 'draw' against a spouse's Social Security Benefits? Ten, eleven years? She better hurry up and marry him, he has worked all his life and put away some money and would leave her a nice income."
"I just noticed on that guy's RV thing, that all the windows are tinted except the front windows. I first thought someone had broken out the windows. Why would they tint the back windows but not the front ones?"
_________________________________________
She has also been a broken record on:
- Her concerns for a hoarding acquaintance who has dementia...
- "She could forget to feed her dog or it could get away from her and die! That poor little thing! I know how it is to have no one to help you or see about you..."
- "She is going to die, or someone is going to take advantage of her. And that daughter? She does not deserve anything when she dies!
- Commenting on her neighbor's live in boyfriend...
- "He has been complaining of not feeling well and his stomach hurts. Why... I bet he has cancer!"
- "He seems to have a lot of money to throw around. Wonder what [his pension and job]pays?
- Commenting on various neighbors offering to take her to the store since the hoard-mobile is snowed in the garage and she has been unable to leave the place for nearly two weeks. She makes a big kerfluffle of them calling, speculates on motivation, and refuses their assistance, then wails to me that she is running out of pet food, food, and medicine.
- She finally called the Area Office on Aging and got a ride to Walmart.
- She now has a new wonderful stranger that was appalled she is on her own the way she is.
- She has been fixated on any child maltreatment case in the news, and has been simply ruminating and obsessed on the death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and the death of Shirley Temple Black.
- She keeps asking weird and random questions about the protocols of the place that I work and the types of clients we serve, and gets annoyed when I will not engage.
- Obsessing about the weather. EVERY OTHER BREATH IS A COMPLAINT. No one is really all that thrilled right now, but complaining does not do any good as far as I can tell...
The bulk of her verbal diarrhea is complaining about how she cannot get out and do what she needs, railing about all the injustices she has been dealt in her life, complaining about her health, and refusing for a second to be part of her own solution... and attempting to be an 'askhole' and keep asking the same detailed questions on the same topics that she has no intention of acting on.
Calling her is painful. And again, this is not going to end well. It cannot.
Hope something here made you laugh a bit. Have a great weekend!
Monday, January 27, 2014
A momentary bit o'rant
Just passing through to say....
ARGH! She just called me as I am working offsite at a coffee shop. She apparently discovered the joys of Miralax...
Yup. Despite all my boundaries, she called me during a business day, while I am in a public place... to talk about a laxative. To talk about her elimination... or lack there of...
GAH! I just hung up.
Seriously? What is with this woman's obsession with poo?
<Muttering to myself...>
ARGH! She just called me as I am working offsite at a coffee shop. She apparently discovered the joys of Miralax...
Yup. Despite all my boundaries, she called me during a business day, while I am in a public place... to talk about a laxative. To talk about her elimination... or lack there of...
GAH! I just hung up.
Seriously? What is with this woman's obsession with poo?
<Muttering to myself...>
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