Thursday, February 28, 2013

More from 'out of the mouth of a hoarding mother'

Today I left work to travel to a town a couple hours away for my consulting gig as a trainer.  It is a small town, and the road there is mainly 4 lane and interspersed with 'Miracle Mile' types of findings.  Since I left the office almost at 6pm instead of 3pm, I drove for the majority of the trip and decided to check in.

I mentioned that due to interviewing back to back today, I did not have a proper lunch, so I had best find food.  (My new size 10s?  Hanging off me.  I need to remedy that.)  So I said I was going to stop in the next wide spot in the road to get a bite to eat... (and to relieve myself of the pain of failing brain cells due to the monologue that was occurring from my mother).  

"Will you go in or get it to go?"

I am honestly not sure.  I have zero appetite, so I am just looking for anything that might be appetizing to me at this point.  I should get it to go/hit a drive through so I can keep rolling.  Meeting any of Bambi or his extended family for an automotive Harlem Shake does not interest me.

"Aren't you afraid to eat like that?"

Like what?

"In the car like that, alone, in the dark."

Um NO.  [Why should I?  At this point I am seriously not getting where she is going... I am a big girl, I seldom make a mess, and besides, it is MY CAR.  The luxury one I bought 5 years ago lightly used and am about to make the final payment on!  And it now has 160K on it.  I am over the 'new baby' gloves with it.]

"Aren't you afraid someone will do something stupid and you only will have one hand driving?  I just had .... [devolves into a story]."

No.  I am not.

"What if you get choked?"

It will suck to be me.

"What if someone follows you?  Woman out alone, nice car, dressed nice..."

Um-  I am sure the 7 year old Acura beats walking, and yes, it is nicely kept and you would be hard pressed to tell it is closing in on 200K, but it is a grandma car.  

The questions continued, getting more and more bizarre and more frantic.  Then I did it.  I was laughing silently, and I ...

I snorted.

"What was that?"


"You!  You were laughing!  You are an asshole!"

Okay- am here.  Gotta go.  Buh bye.

Earlier in the conversation she was obsessing over me leaving my cats for about 36 hours.  That was a LOVELY one sided conversation.

I am trying a new technique.  When she is mining into the ridiculous, the absolute worst case scenario, I do not say anything, and answer in closed statements.  And the silence draws out until she is compelled to fill it.

Interesting.  I may keep a grip on my tenuous sanity yet.

Maybe.  Have a good night all!


  1. I like this new technique. She gets to talk and you aren't really "interacting". This indeed might save your sanity.

  2. I hope so Lisa! It also allows me to ensure I maintain a more neutral stance since I am not letting her suck me into a conversation where I might feel compelled to argue.

    I am striving for 'slightly disinterested neutrality.

    Have a great weekend!

  3. 'slightly disinterested neutrality <- Great Band Name ;)

  4. Makes me wish I was musically inclined so I could do just that;)