My first day off in over a month or longer 12+ hour work days... whooo hooo! My first night of full and uninterrupted sleep since November (I wish I was exaggerating) so I am being lazy. My plans for today are the gym, and NOTHING ELSE. Including talking to my mother.
So much for that. My phone rang, and without looking at it I answered. Ugh. It was my mother.
No hello, no greeting like a normal person... And in a tone I assume someone would use if he or she were conducting business that would impact international safety for all the free world...
"No questions! I am going to ask you a a question and I just need the answer and nothing else... What is the last 2 your house number?"
Gave her the 2 digits...
"Shit! Are you sure? Oh, oh right. I will talk to you later."
Seriously? What the bloody hell? And yes, Mother, I have lived here 5 years. I hope that I know my address.
So- is she not respecting my wishes to NOT receive packages from hell? Is she continuing her coupon mailing madness? Or is this simply more of her gaslighting? It would not be cricket to let me have a peaceful day/weekend after the days and weeks of work HELL that I just endured.
(For those not familiar with the movie that spawned this term... it is known as a 'mindfuck' in the most basic of vernacular).
This is triggering. As a teen who had just been recently dumped back into public school and was traversing the craziness of junior high, she would tell me all kinds of things, then when I would share them, she would deny it. Crazy things that I so blindly believed because mothers don't lie like that ... do they? Things like:
- I was born enroute to NY to visit some of my dad's family's friends.
- Truth- she has flown ONCE. To Tampa in the 50's.
- Truth- Dad was raised all over the country. His dad was in the Bureau, and he spent the majority of his pre-Appalachia existence in NY state, and a couple of years in Manhattan. He did not maintain many friendships in NY, thanks to her.
- 'Sheila'- a second or third cousin died of MS when I was a teen
- Truth- I am still not sure how this chick enters into the family... the only thing that makes me think she was related was her strong physical resemblance to me, other than she was blue eyed and lighter haired than I. (Well, and she sounds just like me, my mother, my aunt, my 1/2 niece and my first cousin... we sound almost identical in voice). Oh- and she was a troublemaker and batshit crazy. I know nothing about my mother's family to speak of. Do not know surnames, etc. Who the hell knows?
- Truth- I do not know where she is now, but she was alive and well in Ohio somewhere 15 years ago. Uses a power chair now, and you would never know we are the same age or once could pass as twins...
- And who gave 'Sheila' phone numbers, details of my friends and boyfriend's lives? By listening in on my private phone line? Mother. She caused me a lot of drama... and how do you explain this?
- 'Megan'- her sister's daughter... I was told she died of an overdose. She lived with us briefly in hell-house when she was kicked out of my aunt's hell house. She was accused of stealing much of my jewelry when she 'snuck out'.
- Truth- She reappeared alive and well 2 years later at my maternal grandmother's funeral. Wearing much of the stolen jewelry.
- Truth- If she is to be believed, my mother told her to take it, that I did not appreciate it/take care of it anyway. I do believe her... on that.
I could go on and on, these are remote and the more minor of the gaslighting she has done. She is an expert on invalidating experiences, and rewriting history. It could drive someone as crazy as she is. Since I have such large gaps in my early memories... I have no idea if the few things I 'remember' are just because I have heard stories so many times from a young age through now... an indoctrination of another sort I guess. I have no memory of anything before the age of 5 or 6, and little but flashes of this and that (maybe all together 10-20 snippets) before the age of 8 or 9. Doing what I do for a living, I know that is a sign of hardcore trauma to a child. I also was shocked to learn that many, many, MANY COH's have similar lack of memory in their early years.
Hoarding and the base mental illness/abuse of power and control (as in the interpersonal/relational violence model) that seemingly drives it. It is truly the gift that keeps on giving.
Ugh. Have a great Saturday everyone.
Update- Sunday 2/24/2013
All of that? It was simply she had multiple envelopes of coupons, and addressed one incorrectly. So she goes out to the car ... remember this is the woman who REFUSES to:
- Carry a purse into a store or business
- Carry her cell phone with her (see #1)
- Leave her cell phone on so she can use it quickly if she DOES happen to have it
- Do anything in any sort of way that facilitates convenience...hers, others, you get the picture...